The End of Two Heroes - My Hero Academia NSFW Story
Based on this image here: http://hypnohub.net/post/show/61631

It's all here. ALL COMPLETED.
FEEDBACK ENCOURAGED

THEMES: Themes: Ahegao, mind break, MC, femsub, maledom, My Hero academia, Ochako uraraka, Shinso, corruption

spoiler
All 4 chapters are now completed. If you want to skip the story, just read chapter 4. It is the longest chapter, and it has all the sex and what have you.

Please leave feedback! This is my first time writing anything since high school and while this is a trashy, erotic story, I do want to actually start writing stuff that isn't smut at some point. Any feedback is very appreciated.
Finally got around to this, and I enjoyed it.

Personal nonsense

Actual criticism
Obscenario said:
Finally got around to this, and I enjoyed it.

Personal nonsense

Actual criticism
You have made me so unbelievably happy by providing an in depth critique of my work. I have been sitting on this story with no feedback at all since it was posted. I even checked this post everyday to see if anyone replied. I stopped doing that last week. I checked today on a whim, and when I couldn't find this thread on the second and third page of the forums, I thought the post had been deleted.

Thoughts
hypnoahegao said:
You have made me so unbelievably happy by providing an in depth critique of my work. I have been sitting on this story with no feedback at all since it was posted. I even checked this post everyday to see if anyone replied. I stopped doing that last week. I checked today on a whim, and when I couldn't find this thread on the second and third page of the forums, I thought the post had been deleted.
Sorry, then. I’ve had it sitting open in a tab for weeks and finally managed to get to it during a recent vacation. Bit of procrastination and priority issues on my part.

  • When I wrote the intermission, I suppse I thought it would be ok to remove the reader from the experience and info dump exposition about the quirks of the 2 thugs (I imagined Present Mic speaking). Tbh, I am not happy with it either. I avoided writing it directly into the story because I dislike blatently obvious exposition within narratives. As an example, I tried reading the manga "X" the other day and had to put it down. Within the first few pages, background characters were praising the specific talents and attributes of the main cast, followed by a description of their current circumstances. I figured the intermission was a way to avoid that, like the way comic books do expo dumps. Monstress and Serenity Rose gave me the idea, although I may have just used it as a crutch.
Makes sense, but short stories and comic books have fairly different styles. Comics and manga have the additional dimension of visuals to convey things, and the text is often considered supplementary to the images. They get away with things like exposition dumps because those are framed as necessary to give context and explanations to things that either can’t or shouldn’t be conveyed visually. It can be translated into a purely written form, but that still requires aframing device like comics typically have. If, for example, something like this was written as though it were Present Mic’s report to the police after his investigation into the two newest heroes-turned-villains, it would make sense for him to occasionally stop the story to explain something relevant. Present Mic would not be putting smut in a police report but hopefully you get the idea. Another option might be to present the story as a grown up Shinsou in the future reflecting on how he came to be the most feared villain in the world. Like a memoir or something, that would make Shinsou both a character in the story and the one telling it, so he can explain that while he didn’t know it at the time, he discovered the thugs’ quirks afterward and then pieced together what happened. (Remember how My Hero Academia first started with Midoriya explaining that this is the story of how he became the greatest hero?)

Or maybe we’re reading Mineta’s dream journal and there’s a sticky note with the quirks on it. I guess the idea is that it’s a good idea to establish that there is a narrator so that it isn’t a complete surprise when one suddenly appears 2-3 chapters in. Like everything else, you can do whatever you want, as long you do it consistently.

  • Curious; did I refer to Aizawa in text? I don't think I did, but its awesome that you interpreted it that way! I never been on the recieving end of that before.
Ah, whoops, I might have confused some manga speculation in there. I’ve been reading the manga for a bit, and while Shinsou hasn’t had any dialogue after the sports festival yet, he has shown up in several background panels, and he’s either walking down the hall with or talking to Aizawa in most of them. It hasn’t been explicitly revealed yet but there seems to be a subtle implication that Aizawa has been giving Shinsou some private tutoring. Given Aizawa’s attitude towards the entrance exam and how unfair it was to quirks like theirs, plus the suggestion that it’s possible for General Studies to be transferred to the Hero course if they perform well, the current popular theory is that Aizawa might be pulling to get Shinsou enrolled.

  • Thank you for pointing out grammer and syntax errors I overlooked. Thank you again for this awesome reply. Because of you I can actually improve my writing and that just means the world to me. I will post an update when I can with some changes suggssted here, and a few others.
I look forward to seeing the next draft.