april_o'neil arabatos blue_eyes comic huge_breasts ponytail red_hair teenage_mutant_ninja_turtles text

Edit | Respond

Hi everyone! Here is the next page to The Multiverse Hypno Harem Chatpter 2! Looks like the action is heating up and April is proving she can hold her own...at least against regular thugs. I hope you all like it.

This page was made by Arabatoso@gmail.com and is posted with permission. ^^
i so want to see your OC's ass get kicked juuuuust once. pretty please?
crazyman said:
i so want to see your OC's ass get kicked juuuuust once. pretty please?
sigh...why does no one like my OC? I mean, I didn't make him an abusive jerk. He's supposed to be charming, suave and caring.
daveyboysmith9 said:
sigh...why does no one like my OC? I mean, I didn't make him an abusive jerk. He's supposed to be charming, suave and caring.
hes kinda an ass :P
question, how many more pages until we get to the hypno?
Yukikyun said:
question, how many more pages until we get to the hypno?
I think four more possibly. ^^
When next page is my question
daveyboysmith9 said:
sigh...why does no one like my OC? I mean, I didn't make him an abusive jerk. He's supposed to be charming, suave and caring.
I don't mind your OC. Honestly, he is much better than a lot of the other dom OC's I've seen, and those OC's never get that much hate.
childlover said:
nobody likes obvious self-inserts you stupid fucking moron
How you haven't been suspended or banned yet is beyond me =____=
RedCollarBlackCollar said:
How you haven't been suspended or banned yet is beyond me =____=
Thank you Red. ^^ I don't know why that guy had to make such a rude comment.
daveyboysmith9 said:
Thank you Red. ^^ I don't know why that guy had to make such a rude comment.
Ignore em, guy's an asshat clearly.
And to be brutally honest, think this is kind of a shame to focus on this action, given how limited the page releases of this story are. Not to say that only sex and hypnosis should be shown and nothing else, but I'm sure it would be nice to see April here get what we know's eventually coming her way. It's that suspense that's really killing us.

Your OC I've never been a huge fan of, but hey, I've never really taken any issue with. For the most part I think he's fine, and if anything, I'm all about yuri, which is why I loved the female lead you brought up before ;9
Don't let that discourage ya though. I think your series is doing a fine job thus far. If anything, it's your story, so you should be the one to enjoy it most.
RedCollarBlackCollar said:
Ignore em, guy's an asshat clearly.
And to be brutally honest, think this is kind of a shame to focus on this action, given how limited the page releases of this story are. Not to say that only sex and hypnosis should be shown and nothing else, but I'm sure it would be nice to see April here get what we know's eventually coming her way. It's that suspense that's really killing us.

Your OC I've never been a huge fan of, but hey, I've never really taken any issue with. For the most part I think he's fine, and if anything, I'm all about yuri, which is why I loved the female lead you brought up before ;9
Don't let that discourage ya though. I think your series is doing a fine job thus far. If anything, it's your story, so you should be the one to enjoy it most.
Thank you very much. ^^ I do try to make the story as interesting as possible. I know everyone is waiting for the hypno part, but without a good story, it would get boring very fast.

I'm also working on a new female Domme who will be my OC David Smith's older sister. She won't appear in this story, but I have plans for her in others. ^^
Nobody likes obvious self-inserts? Someone doesn't know Erika.
daveyboysmith9 said:
Thank you very much. ^^ I do try to make the story as interesting as possible. I know everyone is waiting for the hypno part, but without a good story, it would get boring very fast.

I'm also working on a new female Domme who will be my OC David Smith's older sister. She won't appear in this story, but I have plans for her in others. ^^
Femdom eh?
Only thing a good femdom can have that yours (from this series) is missing:
spoiler
Consider giving her that.
RedCollarBlackCollar said:
Femdom eh?
Only thing a good femdom can have that yours (from this series) is missing:
spoiler
Consider giving her that.
I am considering that. But her initial picture will be without them. ^^
daveyboysmith9 said:
I am considering that. But her initial picture will be without them. ^^
Perhaps when she has them on she's more mild mannered, but when they come off...
Her inner dom is released! :0
RedCollarBlackCollar said:
Perhaps when she has them on she's more mild mannered, but when they come off...
Her inner dom is released! :0
That's a good idea. ^^ I like it. ^^
daveyboysmith9 said:
sigh...why does no one like my OC? I mean, I didn't make him an abusive jerk. He's supposed to be charming, suave and caring.
This is just my opinion, but I think one problem with your OC is that he seems to always win. He always enslaves the girls without any real effort or adversity. This helps fuel the perception that he's a self-insert 'Gary-Stu' (hate using that phrase). Honestly, I think it might be good to see him get punched or attacked or something like that. Not because I hate your OC, but because it could make the story more interesting.

Have women resits his control and not succumb immediately. Have characters that try to escape and actually get close to success. I recall you writing about adding a rival character to this story, have her be a genuine challenge for him. Have her steal away the women he's trying to collect, or even take away one of the women he has already enslaved.

The latest page in your Cult Cafe reboot was great because it was the first time I can think of that your OC actually seemed afraid, it makes me wonder how he's going to get a pissed off Akane under his control.

These are MC comics, so I do want to see the women enslaved at the end, but I think it would be much more satisfying if the controller has to work to get his slaves.
daveyboysmith9 said:
sigh...why does no one like my OC? I mean, I didn't make him an abusive jerk. He's supposed to be charming, suave and caring.
I dont like him cause he's not me! ;) lol

only problem I have with these is the ZOMFG way over the top tits, I get if ya wanna to a BE story but these characters are starting off so far out there its absurd already.

Story and writing are good tho :)
I don't really hate your OC either, he's an OC but from what I gathered I think people believe he looks like a smug prick and I've seen people who want to punch him..might be the little half-smirk he seems to have? Eh I've no idea.

If I can ask, what went into the decision for this to give the character's busts of this umm..proportion?
FIle-Not-Found said:
This is just my opinion, but I think one problem with your OC is that he seems to always win. He always enslaves the girls without any real effort or adversity. This helps fuel the perception that he's a self-insert 'Gary-Stu' (hate using that phrase). Honestly, I think it might be good to see him get punched or attacked or something like that. Not because I hate your OC, but because it could make the story more interesting.

Have women resits his control and not succumb immediately. Have characters that try to escape and actually get close to success. I recall you writing about adding a rival character to this story, have her be a genuine challenge for him. Have her steal away the women he's trying to collect, or even take away one of the women he has already enslaved.

The latest page in your Cult Cafe reboot was great because it was the first time I can think of that your OC actually seemed afraid, it makes me wonder how he's going to get a pissed off Akane under his control.

These are MC comics, so I do want to see the women enslaved at the end, but I think it would be much more satisfying if the controller has to work to get his slaves.
Thank you very much. ^^ I haven't considered this before but I will do so for future chapters. The idea of having the OC rival maybe corrupting a few of the women David has is also something I didn't think of. I think I can't write something interesting for that. ^^

I really hope I can continue writing interesting stories and will try to make my OC a bit less successful in the future. ^^ At least at the start of things. ^^
SarcasticSlave said:
I don't really hate your OC either, he's an OC but from what I gathered I think people believe he looks like a smug prick and I've seen people who want to punch him..might be the little half-smirk he seems to have? Eh I've no idea.

If I can ask, what went into the decision for this to give the character's busts of this umm..proportion?
The reason why they have such huge busts is because I was trying to do something different. I didn't want this series to be too similar to other ones that I'm commissioning. Also This comic was supposed to be a BE comic, with the characters starting out with normal figures but then getting the enhanced curves as they fall under the hypnotic spells. But that idea was scraped because the artist didn't understand what I was trying to convey due to the langue barrier.
daveyboysmith9 said:
The reason why they have such huge busts is because I was trying to do something different. I didn't want this series to be too similar to other ones that I'm commissioning. Also This comic was supposed to be a BE comic, with the characters starting out with normal figures but then getting the enhanced curves as they fall under the hypnotic spells. But that idea was scraped because the artist didn't understand what I was trying to convey due to the langue barrier.
Ah okay ^^ Thank you for the explanation. :)
daveyboysmith9 said:
sigh...why does no one like my OC? I mean, I didn't make him an abusive jerk. He's supposed to be charming, suave and caring.
The fact that you think he's "charming, suave, and caring" while brainwashing girls into his worshipful harem is kind of why a lot of people dislike him, dude.

I mean, yeah, we're all here for the hypno porn, but the fact that you're trying to also be Sensitive Good Boyfriend Material at the same time is what makes it kinda lame and/or creepy. If he were deliberately a smug creep it would actually probably be more acceptable, it's the "Oh, they're better off and much happier being my brainwashed slaves because I'm such a nice guy" that's offputting.
I appreciate story-lines like this where women are brainwashed into being sex slaves. That being said, I appreciate almost every one of those because it's my fetish lol. It is nice to see some resistance from the girls and even possibly them breaking free at some point.Though I'm not sure why, but I just love the idea of the sub being taken control of and losing all free will eventually. All while remaining in a blissfully carefree sort of state.

I do appreciate what you've done and are trying to do. Keep working at it and maybe others will as well ;)
The fact april didn't spin out and crash to the ground honestly amazes me more then this talk about Davyboy's oc (whom I don't mind aside from his smart aleckness)
Rann said:
The fact that you think he's "charming, suave, and caring" while brainwashing girls into his worshipful harem is kind of why a lot of people dislike him, dude.

I mean, yeah, we're all here for the hypno porn, but the fact that you're trying to also be Sensitive Good Boyfriend Material at the same time is what makes it kinda lame and/or creepy. If he were deliberately a smug creep it would actually probably be more acceptable, it's the "Oh, they're better off and much happier being my brainwashed slaves because I'm such a nice guy" that's offputting.
That's true. I guess I'm still a newbee with writing. But I will try to have the girls resist more often in all my projects. Not sure If I want them to brake free and have to be re-hypno'ed, but I'll try to make my OC less successful at least on the first time trying to hypnotize the girls. Thanks for you suggestion and sorry for the late reply. ^^
daveyboysmith9 said:
That's true. I guess I'm still a newbee with writing. But I will try to have the girls resist more often in all my projects. Not sure If I want them to brake free and have to be re-hypno'ed, but I'll try to make my OC less successful at least on the first time trying to hypnotize the girls. Thanks for you suggestion and sorry for the late reply. ^^
I don't think they need to break outta it, just put up a fight before succumbing right away.
Chipping away at any sub's will to resist, and eventually having them recognize their new role as a loyal slave/sub is one of the best things about hypnosis + resistance (IMO).
There are two ways to go about this.

Your OC definitely seems like wish-fulfillment in terms of the harem protagonist, that's why you struggle with making him a jerk because you don't want to be a jerk, but this ends up making him come off as incredibly phony. The solution, if you want a wish fulfillment OC, is to feature them as little as possible: keep them off-screen, have their face in shadow when they do appear, try for POV shots (although POV is hard for getting good looks at the women). A lot of hentai manga do this because they know the reader doesn't give a shit about the guy, but one still needs to be there for story purposes. The person is there for the reader to insert themselves into, like bland harem protagonists in less ecchi works.

The second route is to try to create someone outlandish and really make them the center of the story. Your guy likes big boobs and he cannot lie: great! Have this be a dream, or a fever delusion, or maybe he actually hates big breasts and he's stumbled on a sort of monkey-paw situation where he gets all the hot cartoon ladies of his childhood, but in a way that he cannot enjoy. Something not only funny, but distinct and interesting.

Edit: Re, Mindwipe's post.

Erika's a good example because, although she's a self-insert, she generally makes it work, with a distinct but not overdesigned appearance and she gets into a variety of situations, rather than being a smug dom all the time.
Rann said:
stuff c:
I'm gonna say this now, and I don't know why it's gonna irk me now, but I'm not a fond of your name.

Nothing personal against you, it's just that something with that name not from here irks me. Sorry if that sounded silly.
DaisyHypnoCharm said:
Whatever you choose Dave, I really hope we'll continue to see your character, I'd rather have him in a sexy greek god outfit at the opening page of the site instead of this horrible new design of Hypno-Pale ...

It feels really nice to watch a beautiful and successful man hypnotizing women, I adore seeing the women in admiration for him, he is so attractive..
Talking shit about Hypno-Tan I see.
someguy231 said:
Talking shit about Hypno-Tan I see.
*taps crowbar into palm*
someguy231 said:
I'm gonna say this now, and I don't know why it's gonna irk me now, but I'm not a fond of your name.

Nothing personal against you, it's just that something with that name not from here irks me. Sorry if that sounded silly.
It's okay. I understand. ^^ I do hope you enjoy the stories I try to write. Also, I hope you like his hypnotic sisters Angela and Kimberly more. ^^
DaisyHypnoCharm said:
Whatever you choose Dave, I really hope we'll continue to see your character, I'd rather have him in a sexy greek god outfit at the opening page of the site instead of this horrible new design of Hypno-Pale ...

It feels really nice to watch a beautiful and successful man hypnotizing women, I adore seeing the women in admiration for him, he is so attractive..
Thank you! I'm very glad you like my OC. ^^ Though I guess I'm just going to have to grow thicker skin and realize not everyone will like him.
daveyboysmith9 said:
Thank you! I'm very glad you like my OC. ^^ Though I guess I'm just going to have to grow thicker skin and realize not everyone will like him.
Really that's what you should do at the end of the day. You're the one paying for this stuff, man, you do you. We can offer suggestions that would make the character more appealing to people in general (or us in particular) but unless you're doing this for us instead of you, that's all they are is suggestions, no matter how strongly they're phrased.
Rann said:
Really that's what you should do at the end of the day. You're the one paying for this stuff, man, you do you. We can offer suggestions that would make the character more appealing to people in general (or us in particular) but unless you're doing this for us instead of you, that's all they are is suggestions, no matter how strongly they're phrased.
^^^^^^^

The glasses thing though wasn't a suggestion.
That was a demand ;P
TheSpoon said:
*taps crowbar into palm*
/me joins him with a nailboard or something* heard someone was talkin' shit.
skullman2033 said:
/me joins him with a nailboard or something* heard someone was talkin' shit.
I have pitchforks and fire. Not torches just fire.

We can set the Pitchforks on fire and get a good combo going!
daveyboysmith9 said:
It's okay. I understand. ^^ I do hope you enjoy the stories I try to write. Also, I hope you like his hypnotic sisters Angela and Kimberly more. ^^
Oh, that comment wasn't aimed towards you, it was for Rann. I don't know why you replied. :/
someguy231 said:
Oh, that comment wasn't aimed towards you, it was for Rann. I don't know why you replied. :/
Oh! Okay. Sorry about that. ^^ I get still get confused on the replies at times. ^^
daveyboysmith9 said:
Oh! Okay. Sorry about that. ^^ I get still get confused on the replies at times. ^^
Yeah. I like the comic man, and the breasts size I have no problem with (in fact, I love their tits that big c: )