Imasuky said:
The host of a show where he deals with troublesome owners
Fixed that for you :3

But yeah, it's not a deal-breaker that the main goal of everything is profit. That's just the world in which we live. If you are doing something you enjoy doing and are getting paid to do it, then that's the best case scenario for everyone involved. You can't tell me that every artist at a convention is selling their works simply because they're greedy little bastards.

That isn't to say that you should be dismissive of commercial art's intent to be commercial, it just should provide an additional layer of thought when trying to analyze a work. The "commercial art" aspect is primarily why I don't like The Wind Rises because while I think it's aesthetically interesting, the movie itself is dull.
Sir_Lurksalaot said:
Fixed that for you :3

But yeah, it's not a deal-breaker that the main goal of everything is profit. That's just the world in which we live. If you are doing something you enjoy doing and are getting paid to do it, then that's the best case scenario for everyone involved. You can't tell me that every artist at a convention is selling their works simply because they're greedy little bastards.

That isn't to say that you should be dismissive of commercial art's intent to be commercial, it just should provide an additional layer of thought when trying to analyze a work. The "commercial art" aspect is primarily why I don't like The Wind Rises because while I think it's aesthetically interesting, the movie itself is dull.
Y’know when I wrote that vent post I expected to get sympathetic pats on the back within 30 minutes, not a legitimate answer a day later.

Now that I have that kind of response I don’t know wether to feel better and just get farmed for money, or worse and abandon all the things that I love.

Fuck.

P.s: Yes I’m aware I’m being an annoying and difficult little shit I’m just tired of hearing the world saying “Hey Defcon! The world hates everything you like, and here’s evidence that the people making the thing you like are greedy dirtbags! Also, you suck ar the thing that you like that isn’t greedy, the other thing you like is slowly becoming another money pump so enjoy that!”
Bad performance review has me fearing for my job. Not so acutely (they showed me how I could keep my job and I think I can do it), but it still sucks to have this fear hanging over me. I should just be hyped for Katsucon right now.

Bad part is I sorta deserve it, took the job for granted. But there's nothing for it now but to fight like hell to keep this job, while updating my resume and firing off a few applications per week when something cool comes along.
Defcon7 said:
Y’know when I wrote that vent post I expected to get sympathetic pats on the back within 30 minutes, not a legitimate answer a day later.

Now that I have that kind of response I don’t know wether to feel better and just get farmed for money, or worse and abandon all the things that I love.
First off, I was out from 09:30-25:30 on Saturday, so there's that.

As for the second part, I don't know what to tell you. Yes, it's important to realize that the world is big and largely indifferent to your existence, but just because you are now "woke" doesn't mean you abandon everything you enjoy, you just enjoy it in a different and likely more complex context.

The reason I not have been 100% sympathetic to your cause isn't because there aren't greedy people in the world, but because there are too many people who use the "simply for the cash" argument as a cudgel to try and beat down anyone who tries to turn their hobby or likes into a profession. I know you are not making that argument, but in a way, you are short-changing everyone who put legitimate effort and time into the media you like.

Think of a picture you've enjoyed on this site that was commissioned from someone. What do you think the artist's mindset was when they made that picture? Were they just doing it to collect a paycheck, or did they do it because they wanted to? Now carry that thought process onto other forms of media. Did someone who contributed to that piece of media care about what they were doing or was just part of the job and nothing more? I have a shitty job in customer service but that doesn't mean I don't try to do my job well. Am I just greedy?

Again, having that realization really sucks, but the options are either to move on but with heightened awareness, or dwell on it and become even more tone-deaf about it .
The fact I'm not banned here still shocks me.

I seem to just alienate and get people to ban me because I'm very open about how I just tend to be very blunt about my feelings about things.

I mean I'm not sure if you guys got thick skin (or like what I post enough) that you've not blown me up.

It just gets lonely and discouraging to even think about going to join new communities knowing it'll only be setting me up for disappointment and depression as getting banned tends to either bump me to mad and then throw me down the hole or just throws me down the hole.

It becomes 'Why even try?' I don't know if it's because this is a smut based community but the fact I'm still here still makes me wonder.
Imagine if there was a world where you could essentially rewrite every part of your personality, and choose some of the things that you could be good at.

Seeing as that I hate myself with pretty much every fiber of my being, I would rewrite myself so that I could pay attention for more than 10 seconds, didn’t give up on everything as soon as it got challenging, wasn’t so lazy, didn’t have autism and or crippling anxiety, wasn’t a badgering, mooching piece of trash and that I could erase my memory so I can forget everyone I’ve ever wronged, all the times I’ve ever failed or messed up and not have them torture me in my sleep. And I also would make it so that I wasn’t such a melodramatic crybaby.
Defcon7 said:
Imagine if there was a world where you could essentially rewrite every part of your personality, and choose some of the things that you could be good at.

Seeing as that I hate myself with pretty much every fiber of my being, I would rewrite myself so that I could pay attention for more than 10 seconds, didn’t give up on everything as soon as it got challenging, wasn’t so lazy, didn’t have autism and or crippling anxiety, wasn’t a badgering, mooching piece of trash and that I could erase my memory so I can forget everyone I’ve ever wronged, all the times I’ve ever failed or messed up and not have them torture me in my sleep. And I also would make it so that I wasn’t such a melodramatic crybaby.
I know the feeling. It's why my OC can do just that.

Wish fulfillment, if only I did have that magic book for real.
Defcon7 said:
Imagine if there was a world where you could essentially rewrite every part of your personality, and choose some of the things that you could be good at.
If you're just lines of re-writable code, are you even then a person?
Sir_Lurksalaot said:
If you're just lines of re-writable code, are you even then a person?
In the moment I wrote that...I don’t think I would’ve cared... :(
Sir_Lurksalaot said:
If you're just lines of re-writable code, are you even then a person?
Defcon7 said:
In the moment I wrote that...I don’t think I would’ve cared... :(
Well at least you've triggered a realm of speculative fiction that doesn't seem to be touched upon all that much even by the standard heavies of cyberpunk, so there's that?
Standard "alone on Valentine's day" vent, blah blah, blah, we've all heard it and a good chunk of us are living it I bet

Been having trouble sleeping the last few nights (more so than usual), somehow my whole body seems extra-sensitive to touch (in the painful way, especially in the spot on my lower back where I can only assume my heavy backpack likes to hit me with every step I take to/from class), so my bedsheets feel like sandpaper even though they've been recently cleaned

It's also occurred to me just how long it's been since I've sat down and done any writing, but with my classes pushing me as hard as they've been, any precious free time I get has me too mentally exhausted to sit down and focus on it- doesn't help that I've sort of written myself into a corner, and due to my linear way of thinking, my brain would rather try to force the scene i'm stuck on forward rather than step back a scene or so and go in a different direction
Today I was planning on spoiling myself with discounted Valentine's chocolates, but instead I woke up in immense amounts of pain, and had to see a doctor. Gotta say, wasn't my ideal way of spending my valentines
IttyBit said:
Today I was planning on spoiling myself with discounted Valentine's chocolates, but instead I woke up in immense amounts of pain, and had to see a doctor. Gotta say, wasn't my ideal way of spending my valentines
Oh no hope it wasn't anything to serious.
Well let's see...

My girlfriend Ami got sick

my Xbox 360 red ringed

my family papasan chair finally gave out after like 15 years

it seriously hurt my ass when it gave out on me

lunch made me throw up

people in HypnoHub Discord Chat were being inconsiderate condescending buttholes to me because of my number one choice for my list here https://stepfordcrimson.deviantart.com/journal/Top-15-Video-Game-Characters-I-Hate-The-Most-730628049

I got kicked from the room

I feel like everyone there now hates me and I'm never even gonna get a sorry or an acknowledgement that what they were saying was hurting me from the guys who started it (not gonna name anybody)

And now I'm completely unwilling to ever go back there. Not like anyone will miss me or welcome me with open arms if I do anyways

Fuck today. I'm off to cry in peace away from all the assholes this world has to throw at me
StepfordCrimson said:
Well let's see...

My girlfriend Ami got sick

my Xbox 360 red ringed

my family papasan chair finally gave out after like 15 years

it seriously hurt my ass when it gave out on me

lunch made me throw up

people in HypnoHub Discord Chat were being inconsiderate condescending buttholes to me because of my number one choice for my list here https://stepfordcrimson.deviantart.com/journal/Top-15-Video-Game-Characters-I-Hate-The-Most-730628049

I got kicked from the room

I feel like everyone there now hates me and I'm never even gonna get a sorry or an acknowledgement that what they were saying was hurting me from the guys who started it (not gonna name anybody)

And now I'm completely unwilling to ever go back there. Not like anyone will miss me or welcome me with open arms if I do anyways

Fuck today. I'm off to cry in peace away from all the assholes this world has to throw at me
That's ... pretty fucked up.

I'm sorry Crimson.
StepfordCrimson said:
Well let's see...

My girlfriend Ami got sick

my Xbox 360 red ringed

my family papasan chair finally gave out after like 15 years

it seriously hurt my ass when it gave out on me

lunch made me throw up

people in HypnoHub Discord Chat were being inconsiderate condescending buttholes to me because of my number one choice for my list here https://stepfordcrimson.deviantart.com/journal/Top-15-Video-Game-Characters-I-Hate-The-Most-730628049

I got kicked from the room

I feel like everyone there now hates me and I'm never even gonna get a sorry or an acknowledgement that what they were saying was hurting me from the guys who started it (not gonna name anybody)

And now I'm completely unwilling to ever go back there. Not like anyone will miss me or welcome me with open arms if I do anyways

Fuck today. I'm off to cry in peace away from all the assholes this world has to throw at me
For clarification, you were kicked because you threw a tantrum and had a meltdown. Which has happened multiple times and you have been told multiple times by the mods would get you kicked. Disagreeing with anyone's opinion is not a reason to scream and hold people in emotional blackmail. Threatening to off yourself because people don't agree with your video game list rankings is not acceptable behavior. Period.

Additionally, vent thread or not, the rules still apply here as well. No personal attacks on other members.
I can’t sleep anymore because I keep having nightmares. And anxiety. And now I’m hungry but I can’t eat because I’ll wake everyone up...
Don't know if this constitutes as sensitive material to vent about, but I can't fucking believe yet another school shooting has happened. You would think after the Sandy Hook tragedy a few years back, this country would be cracking down harder on making guns less accessible to crazy people and making more of an effort to help mentally ill people, but as far as I can tell fucking zilch has been done to actually prevent this shit from happening. Three of the ten most deadly single-day mass shootings in this country have occurred in the past two years alone---even if you're pro-gun, you have to admit that is undeniably fucked.
It really sucks that stuff like this happens.
I need to look at getting a new blanket for my bed.

If I don't have my feet sticking out at the end, or just some sort of way to air myself out, I end up having night sweats (even in this super cold weather) which 100% of the time leads to really horrible nightmares.

Just a slight irritate that I should do something about lol
I want to say something about today's events, but nothing I feel like saying feels like the right thing to say, so instead I'll say this: too often we think of the internet as shouting into the void when, in reality, there's always someone listening, and that someone is not you.
Honestly I never thought I would ever post in the Vent room. I'm not one to hoist problems on to others, and I'm not one who typically *needs* to vent.

In fact, this is gonna be vague as all hell because of those reasons, but I need to type *something* or my brain is gonna fucking explode.

I've been contemplating a lot and honestly, I just don't know how I feel. And that bothers the living hell out of me...

EDIT:
Well, I now know what to do, and exactly how I feel... and "angry" doesn't even do justice to it... and I can't help but be vague about it either.

Oh well.
Mindcollector13 said:
Honestly I never thought I would ever post in the Vent room. I'm not one to hoist problems on to others, and I'm not one who typically *needs* to vent.

In fact, this is gonna be vague as all hell because of those reasons, but I need to type *something* or my brain is gonna fucking explode.

I've been contemplating a lot and honestly, I just don't know how I feel. And that bothers the living hell out of me...
My ear is open if you feel like venting to someone.
I’ve been doing some soul searching in regards to my place on the hub, trying to ask myself some hard questions about what exactly I want to do. I’ve been examining my place on the fetish, and my sexuality in general. I have issues with anxiety, and I have an increasingly large backlog of half written manips that I never posted, typically out of a mixture of procrastination, lack of inspiration, and fear of poor reception. Being fully honest, I really like it when I read comments telling me they like what I’m doing, I enjoy making people feel good, and that really does fuel my desire to do more and better work. Unfortunately, that also means that I am fairly easily discouraged whenever I do something that doesn’t do as well. The worst part of this though, is that some of the stuff I have put the least amount of effort into, the posts that I just sort of cobbled together, are my most popular posts, whereas the scripts I’ve puzzled over for days and revised again and again, they are the ones that fall flat on their face without any real feedback on why they weren't liked. I hate this feeling and how it impacts me, and sometimes I feel as though I’m just doing manips for the attention, even though I know that’s not true. I never would have started posting stuff if that was the case, and I wish I could just go back to the days where I didn’t care as much about that sort of stuff. Do I keep posting what people seem to want in an effort to make people happy? Or do I post what I feel like, regardless if nobody here cares? Do I try to mix things up and put out a variety of content? Or do I take hold of singular ideas and try to explore them instead? I honestly don’t know.

Alright then, vent over.
I've been gone from the community for the past two weeks, and have been kind of absent prior. Tons of small things, and a few major things listed below

So, a bunch of stuff has been hitting me wave after wave, thankfully none of it is actually life-threatening.

Thought I had tumors, so I went to see a doctor. Told them about family history with cysts, and then it turns out they were just weird fat deposits in my legs.

Worried that my hands and feet get cold easy, turns out it's just poor circulation, nothing even indicative of a heart issue thankfully.

Woke up to having half of my face paralyzed. Turns out it was Bell Palsy which is a temporary condition. Was unable to taste stuff for almost 2 weeks and I'm recovering now. (100% prefer this to a stroke.)

Was also sick for the duration of the condition and had health scare after health scare for almost two months (basically each thing happening one after another and causing me anxiety until I got it checked out), while not being able to do much in the ways of fun because I could barely afford my medication. (Had literal cents left in the bank after buying it.)

Ontop of that, severe self-doubt and social anxiety causing me to just shut down socially and stop going outside because I didn't want to be made fun of for not being able to move half of my face, and people laughed at my lisp online.

I do mod work for the Hub discord and have basically been gone for about 2 weeks, and I feel kind of horrible that I've been inactive prior to that due to stress, and I keep constantly worrying that I've done wrong. But I need to more or less keep it in mind that I specifically have stepped down while ill so I haven't been able to do anything to hurt people while sick or upset.

On the plus side, and because I feel bad leaving my venting on a negative note, I can taste again as of 4 days ago, and the sensation of taste is fully back as of last night. Proceeded to eat steak that was marinated in whiskey, teriyaki sauce, and brown sugar. Was also given a pepper rub before being cooked blue. It was so fuckin good that I cried a little, and it feels nice being back and active in the community after my break. Basically just came back last night once I felt stable enough. It's weird how self-conscious you can get about things that people online would have no way of knowing.
Lan said:
I've been gone from the community for the past two weeks, and have been kind of absent prior. Tons of small things, and a few major things listed below

So, a bunch of stuff has been hitting me wave after wave, thankfully none of it is actually life-threatening.

Thought I had tumors, so I went to see a doctor. Told them about family history with cysts, and then it turns out they were just weird fat deposits in my legs.

Worried that my hands and feet get cold easy, turns out it's just poor circulation, nothing even indicative of a heart issue thankfully.

Woke up to having half of my face paralyzed. Turns out it was Bell Palsy which is a temporary condition. Was unable to taste stuff for almost 2 weeks and I'm recovering now. (100% prefer this to a stroke.)

Was also sick for the duration of the condition and had health scare after health scare for almost two months (basically each thing happening one after another and causing me anxiety until I got it checked out), while not being able to do much in the ways of fun because I could barely afford my medication. (Had literal cents left in the bank after buying it.)

Ontop of that, severe self-doubt and social anxiety causing me to just shut down socially and stop going outside because I didn't want to be made fun of for not being able to move half of my face, and people laughed at my lisp online.

I do mod work for the Hub discord and have basically been gone for about 2 weeks, and I feel kind of horrible that I've been inactive prior to that due to stress, and I keep constantly worrying that I've done wrong. But I need to more or less keep it in mind that I specifically have stepped down while ill so I haven't been able to do anything to hurt people while sick or upset.

On the plus side, and because I feel bad leaving my venting on a negative note, I can taste again as of 4 days ago, and the sensation of taste is fully back as of last night. Proceeded to eat steak that was marinated in whiskey, teriyaki sauce, and brown sugar. Was also given a pepper rub before being cooked blue. It was so fuckin good that I cried a little, and it feels nice being back and active in the community after my break. Basically just came back last night once I felt stable enough. It's weird how self-conscious you can get about things that people online would have no way of knowing.
Damn sorry to hear about all those health scares. Glad they all turned out fine.

And I can relate on the social anxiety stuff, that sucks a lot. I know.
Rerun of an old vent, basically- my classes are pushing me to by absolute mental limit, and I'm not even taking a lot by normal-people standards. Most recently, was introduced to a new hands-on skill that would eventually be half of my final, and surprise, surprise, i'm literally the only one in class who didn't get the practice right on the first try. I can't even practice it at home since I'd need to go to a hardware store and pay for the replacement parts for failed attempts because you can't reuse them once you've made an attempt. Meanwhile, since I've got no car and a backpack heavy with textbooks, it's a long walk to/from campus and any other errands I need to do in the neighborhood, so by the time I get home, I'm physically and mentally defeated and about to break down in tears. In the past it was said "Oh, you'll be better in the end once you finish the classes", but it's like, I've been strong-armed into them against my will, I have literally no passion for the subject material, (which my professors all say you need), and not once have I thought to myself "yeah I can see myself doing this for a living". Even if I manage to not fail, I know for sure that I'm not going back for more of my own free will, so my general disposition is "what's the point? I'm suffering for literally no reason other than to hopefully stretch out the unlisted deadline for when my parents give up on supporting me and I end up homeless on the streets".

Changing gears to more social venting, I was all excited to hang out with a friend recently, made a whole bunch of sweets and got everything ready, but they ended up in the hospital with an injury, which then got infected so they had to stay longer, and probably will be in physical therapy long enough that we can't hang out anytime soon, so it's like, on the one hand i'm empathy-sad for them and hoping they have a swift recovery, but on the other I'm selfishly irritated because I was all revved up and excited, and now things have been canceled and rescheduled to "question marks", which I hate because I could seriously use some positive social interaction right now.

Similar issue, different genre, I've been wanting to get into the tabletop game Pathfinder for a long time now, a friend who lives out of town got me interested in the idea, but oh, apparently they don't use roll20 or similar, so i'm just like "well okay, I guess my lack of a car and precious little free time means that's not going to happen", more recently, though, i thought I'd found a group through the aforementioned friend in the hospital, but I just learned that their DM abruptly trashed his campaign idea and put games on hold until he works out a new one, so yay, more "cancelled until ???" after I was finally excited about something. Too bad I have too much social anxiety to try to apply for a game on roll20 with strangers, I kind of need at least one friend as an "in" to not feel like i'm causing people issues
I just got a system transfer of my old laptop to my new one... and by system transfer, I literally mean my download folder and desktop, not even my documents.

I'm actually really annoyed right now.
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

The noise coming from my upstairs neighbor is never-ending. So I should report the disturbance, right?

But they have a newborn human and a newborn dog. So I should cut them some slack, right?

But they're stomping around and moving furniture and hammering walls and knocking on doors after midnight. So I should report the disturbance, right?

But they'll know I'm the one who reported them and they kind of scare me. So I should cut them some slack, right?

I can't sleep and I just want them to shut the fuck up. I hate this. I hate them.
I have something I need to put down into words.

I've always been a shy kid growing up. Didn't have that many friends and drifted apart from the ones I did have. I just always had a hard time connecting with people, but I attributed that to my shyness. It wasn't until I went to therapy last year did I find out my full list of problems. Minor Depression, anxiety, and social phobia.

I have social phobia. I'm not just nervous when talking to people. I'm terrified. I never know what to say when people talk to me. I have always been so afraid of saying something stupid or wrong that I chose not to say anything at all. I retreated into a shell and didn't face anyone. A fly on the wall. That one guy in the background. I lost out on so many experiences growing up because I was so afraid of people.

It's the main reason I don't have a girlfriend. I'm 23 years old and I've only ever dated one person for about a year. Of course I screwed that up because I'm so socially inept. But we're still friends so it all worked out.

But that's the reason I'm writing this right now. I am genuinely afraid that I am never going to find a girlfriend. I am a lonely person. I go to work and go home and that's it. My closest friends are busy with their own lives elsewhere so we only get to see each other a couple times a year. But I have nobody else. No one to let me know that I am loved. Not in a familial way or a close friend way, but a romantic way.

And I've tried. As hard as I am able to, at least. I'm on Tindr. Wanted to try Match.com but I don't have the extra money to waste. And I've even tried talking to people. As an adult I am a million times better at social interaction than I was when I was a kid. I even managed to ask a girl out last year. She said no, but still. I owe a lot of my progress to my coworker buddy. He helped force me out of my shell and throw me into the deep end to teach me how to swim. Unfortunately he is also the reason I'm writing all this down. He is a very social guy and has had A LOT of girlfriends, mostly crazy ones, and he has regaled me with stories of his exes. Which is fine, but it's hard to listen to someone's relationship problems when I'm still at the starting line.

I guess this is why I made my OC Dark Mask the way he is. A version of me I always wanted to be: suave, confidant. At least here on the Hub I can make believe all that stuff.

I really need to find someone. Someone who will let me know I'm worth it.
I don't want to die alone.