"Traps" don't exist and the tag should be retired. "Crossdressing" tag is sufficient in the same way that, say, we don't have "lime_eyes" and "jade_eyes," just "green_eyes".

Saying 'trap doesn't refer to real people' disappears the very real history of queer panic being used as a defense for murder. It isn't even an 'anime archetype,' it's a 4chan meme.

If you absolutely must, use otokonoko, which doesn't associate itself with deception or stigma.

Is empathy really at this much of a premium here?

I would add: "it's used everywhere" is no defense. I can think of plenty of words that were once "used everywhere" that we now overwhelmingly agree are not acceptable discourse.