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6 comments (0 hidden)

Ultradude101
>> #198949
Posted on 2017-09-16 17:18:25
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Inspired by the recent Caitlyn Pic

(my first pic posted on the site, so let me know if I doesn't reach guidline standards)
BurningPenguin6
>> #198951
Posted on 2017-09-16 18:24:55
Score: 1 (vote Up)
Aside from a few grammatical errors, this seems pretty good.
UberNimrod
>> #199022
Posted on 2017-09-17 00:19:29
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Pesky brushes, attacking when you least expect them to.

THIS is why you buy shrubbery. Not brushes.
Ultradude101
>> #199042
Posted on 2017-09-17 02:27:22
Score: 0 (vote Up)
I mean, the correct terminology is brush in game (by definition, a brush would be the correct term). As for the grammar errors, yeah that's my bad
OverlordMiles
>> #199174
Posted on 2017-09-17 23:40:33
Score: 0 (vote Up)
The language seems a bit clunky, so I'd work on making it smoother. One of the things is the overuse of exclamation marks, which is hardly ever used in a manip (well, with the exception of desperate pleading), and I'd work on changing the last 3 exclamation marks, although the first one makes sense.

I really think it'd be beneficial to have more text about the character submitting and his mind changing. The intro is good, the conclusion is strong and meaningful, but I'd check the 4th and 5th paragraphs.
A21341
>> #255875
Posted on 2018-06-06 00:11:02
Score: 0 (vote Up)
And next time I picked 79% tentacity garen
Now she is the one that is fucked up
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