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- Id: 61994
-
Posted: 2018-03-22 05:13:58
by OverlordMiles - Size: 885x594
- Source: www.pixiv.net/member_illu...um&illust_id=62906315
- Rating: Questionable
- Score: 111 (vote up)
>> #241495
Score: 0 (vote Up)
>> #241535
Score: 0 (vote Up)
In any case I think that is fine right now.
>> #243069
Score: 0 (vote Up)
you just changed the last line. it still sounds like riven's rolling a drunk with sweet talking. but now with a final line that makes no sense in context.
Well, naturally he's drunk. But I made it clear that hypnosis is in play now.
I think the line is at least passable. It goes with the tone of the second paragraph.