hypnoshadow said:
are there any picture of the game etc,is it 3d or drawn?

TheMadPrince said:
So what's the MC like in this? Are they powers your character can use?

LillyTank said:
I just finished the prologue. I gotta say, it's really good. I'm looking forward to more. It might be a while before I can get on the patreon but I think I'll support this project when I can.

I only have one small request. I'm kinda asexual and don't like to see H-scenes. Can we get a warning for when they're about to come up? An option to skip them would be appreciated as well.

All in all, I appreciate the time and effort you've put into this project and can't wait for future installments. God Speed to you fellow hypnosis-lover!

luvdadakka said:
MC will eventually be able to use all kinds of mc abilities. Types of mind control which will be featured: blank puppet, resisting subject/partially aware, fully aware/body control, sensory manipulation, memory manipulation, common sense manipulation, orgasm control.
On top of that, there will be staple mind control tropes like post "hypnotic" triggers and commands.

abithig said:
This sounds neat, I'll definitely check this out some point soon!
Not sure what your exact plans are for how these are implemented, and how much control you're planning for the player to have in using these abilities, but if this is your first game, I'd recommend refinement and simplicity over adding a bunch of different options into a complex system. Focusing on a smaller-scope game that you can reasonably finish while still learning the basics of game development can really help to stay motivated without getting too overwhelmed. For instance, in theory I like the idea of a stat system mentioned on the Patreon page, and there are definitely VNs that have done it well. But in practice, it's likely easier to just have a choice that unlocks related options for future decision points in the story.

If you're going for a straight VN with very little player agency in the story's path, you can definitely add a lot more without risking things getting too complex. (ie. by having all choices advance the story, just through different means)
But beyond that, I'd definitely recommend looking into some CYOA-style books for research and reference into the fundamentals of branching story structure during development.

Of course, all of these are just what I would presonally recommend based on how I approach writing for my own hobbies, mixed with some suggestions I've heard from indie game dev interviews. At the end of the day, this game is your own, so the method by which you make it is entirely up to you! Overall, this seems really fun, and I look forward to seeing future updates to the project!

luvdadakka said:
Hey, thanks! You're absolutely correct - overly complex systems rarely work in these indie games... that's why my approach is simplicity.
Game will use only 2 stats: power which is rather self-explanatory, a stat which reflects MC's overall skill and experience with his mind control abilities and second one will be focus which is basically mana(a renewable resource).
There are/will be a bunch of variables as well but nothing too complex.
Also, this is the reason why prologue is just a VN with choices and no stats - I wanted to get familiar with basic Renpy functions like menus, displayables etc.
Day/night system will also be simple, I'm not gonna split day into morning/afternoon/evening/whatever - just day and night.
As for the story - well, it's mostly done, at least when it comes to main plot points. I'm not just making shit up as i go, I already know how it will end and how we will get there. All the major antagonists are prepared with their unique storylines and how will they interact with the world and the MC.
It will be a long journey but I enjoy creating it and hopefully others will enjoy experiencing it ^^

abithig said:


Glad to hear it! Just got through the prologue, and yeah, this project definitely shows a lot of promise! I'm usually not one for 3D CGs, but you managed to get a lot of expressiveness and personality out of the models that I'm not used to seeing! (plus the ability to do animated scenes with them is a definite plus) I'm also really interested in the direction the overall story seems to be taking, and am very curious to see what you have planned out for future installments!

As for things I noticed while playing:
- Lysandra's animation loops aren't seamless. It's less noticeable in the third scene, but the first two are a bit jarring as a result.

- The transition between animated scenes being a straight jump-cut leads to a similar result, being fairly jarring in practice. An easy solution would be to add a quick fade to black between scenes, while a smoother, albeit more complex option would be to ensure the scene doesn't transition until after the currently playing animation loop has ended.

- I'm unsure if the 3rd person omniscient perspective works to the benefit of this particular project. Admittedly, this one likely comes down to personal preferences on my part. However, as Jevan is written to be a POV protagonist, it feels a bit weird to occasionally get thoughts and context for other characters in the scene. It just overall feels like a VN where 3rd person limited would be more beneficial. This isn't to say the POV can't shift to other characters; the fight at the alter necessitates it, for example. Nor is this to say you can't voice other character's thoughts to provide insights to their mental state. However, I personally think it would be more interesting if insights like these were the result of Jevan's latent abilities, which would in turn allow Jevan to react to hearing certain people's surface thoughts and seeing events he isn't present for. That's just my two cents though.

- And of course, the occasional spelling and grammar mistake. I could get around to proofing the prologue at some point, provided that's something you'd be interested in. Thankfully, most of the mistakes I noticed were only specifically because I was looking for them, and didn't drastically affect the overall experience.

All that said, I really enjoyed what you have available! I sincerely hope to see this project continue to grow and evolve, and am looking forward to your next update! Best of luck~

luvdadakka said:
In the end I went with 3rd person because it gives me the most freedom. He's also a fairly defined character with background and personality and not exactly a good person.
That's why 1st person perspective would imo feel awkward for many players.
Furthermore, it allows me to provide insight into other character's thoughts and emotions.

TheKinkyFinn said:


Sorry for butting in to the convo, but I think you're missing the criticism a little. Third person limited means to filter the actions and thoughts of other people through your POV character(s), whereas omniscient is where the narrator takes a bird's eye view and provides factual information on everyone and everything. For instance, how in the beginning the narration declares this is the nobleman's first time experiencing hardship or something to that effect. That's unlikely to be Jevan's own thoughts, nor some kind of emerging mind reading given the noble's less than calm state, it's a stated fact. In other words, the narrator isn't limited to a single character's perception and knowledge (at a time), it's all-knowing.
Now, it's not like an omniscient narrator can't work, but it's a rare, and runs a risk of dampening immersion because of all the head-hopping, hence why I imagine abithig pointed it out in the first place. To convert it to limited, all you need is simply describe things from your POV character's perspective: how 'beads of sweat begin to form on the man's pudgy face as the realization of his own mortality seems to dawn on him- perhaps for the first time ever', or something less purple prosey. It's also an opportunity to show off Jevan's personality and experience from his decades-long career as a Wraith; what sort of things he takes note of, how well he reads people, etc.

And that's a serviceable segway to my own two cents. The writing seems, for lack of a better word, shallow. For instance, it seems pretty odd that the Wraiths are away from town for weeks at a time and then just pop in to have a beer with the mates one evening. Now, maybe my knowledge of drow society is a little outdated (and mostly comes from Salvatore), but for professional hitmen in a world of Chaotic Evil leather fetishists and constant power struggles, there seems to be a remarkable lack of discretion going on. There's no mention of the two having any kind of occupations as a front, and temple guards simply walk up to them to say 'go see the boss' instead of a less conspicuous contact method. That's practically announcing their job is cloak and dagger. Pardon me for the bluntness, but it comes across as you not having thought about these things as much as you probably should have.
Just to be clear, I'm not asking for walls of exposition or lengthy filler chapters to fix this. You'd be surprised how much worldbuilding you can pull off with little throwaway lines. That said, it seems like a missed opportunity to rush the plot so much that the character's visiting home feels like an F1 pit stop.

luvdadakka said:
1. I didn't miss it, which should be pretty clear from my previous reply. 3rd person narration is intentional and it's unlikely it will change.

2. I think you're assuming the game is taking place in Forgotten Realms setting - which it is not. Drow is not a trademarked term. I obviously draw inspiration from other sources like FR, Elder Scrolls, Lovecraft and many others but in the end it's my own setting.
So in my story Wraiths are not super secret, underground organization, it's a vocation (almost)like any other.
They perform assignments of varying confidentiality, killing some not-very-important human for example doesnt require secrecy.
Secondly, I dont claim to be Sanderson or Sapkowski, in the end it is a porn game and the setting and story should make sex scenes more meaningful, that's all.

TheKinkyFinn said:

Alright, fair. But just to rephrase, I think the main issue is the narration's omniscience, not the 3rd person part. At least, my advice would be to avoid outright stating other character's thoughts if it's at all possible to deliver the same information in other ways. Basic show, don't tell.


It's not that I expected an established setting, more that you seem to be playing to the stereotype pretty straight from what little I've seen. Plus, sure 'drow' isn't trademarked, but it's still a specific name like 'dunmer' or 'dökkálfar' that paints a certain picture in the reader's mind if they've familiarity with them. Hence why I pointed out how fast the whole town part seemed. I thought it was a bit of a missed opportunity to flesh them out a little more and show how they differ from their namesake.

And yes, I got the implication that the Wraiths aren't exactly a state secret from the exposition. But when paired with the knowledge that they've thrown in their lot openly with a given faction, however, it seems like something that would invite unnecessary risk unless they live in a de facto police state. And if so, I must have missed the part where KGB agents took odd jobs for the Orthodox church in their downtime with their boss' consent. If not, what's stopping another faction from sending its own assassins to kill them if they know who they are and where they live? Or, threatening the barkeep of their regular watering hole that if he ever wants to see his family again, he better slip the contents of this little vial in their drinks? And why do they keep working for someone they seem to hold in very low regard if there are other possible employers?

Sorry if it seems like I'm typing your ear off, it's just how I get with writing. Especially when the topic is something a little more cerebral, like intrigue.

luvdadakka said:
3rd person perspective - I thought long and hard in order to decide what should I use. Yes, most VNs use 1st person perspective but they also often feature blank slate protagonist meant as self-insert for the player.
In the end I went with 3rd person because it gives me the most freedom. He's also a fairly defined character with background and personality and not exactly a good person.
That's why 1st person perspective would imo feel awkward for many players.

luvdadakka said:
So in my story Wraiths are not super secret, underground organization, it's a vocation (almost)like any other.
They perform assignments of varying confidentiality, killing some not-very-important human for example doesnt require secrecy.

TheKinkyFinn said:
At least, my advice would be to avoid outright stating other character's thoughts if it's at all possible to deliver the same information in other ways. Basic show, don't tell.