Posted on 2021-03-26 01:49:24
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After some feedback and using word, I re-edited the old image. My Spoke English is very good (At least is what I think) but writing it is not that easy. I give an apology to anyone who have been suffered eyes hurting for my poor writing skills.

Posted on 2021-03-26 02:27:32
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I personally didn’t notice any major issues with the previous version... If anything your comment had more awkward language than the post.
Don’t give up, you can only get better

Posted on 2021-03-26 08:44:00
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Still not perfect, but somewhat better. Here's what I still caught:

"who defended", not "who defend" - wrong tense.

"in exchange for", not "in exchange of" - sounds weird to native English speakers.

"That brooch", not "That the brooch" - in this case, "that" already fulfills the same function as "the".

"You can still fap", not "you can still fapping" - wrong tense again.

I would also recommend adding a comma after "Miss Xiang Lee" and after "fairest of the female teacher" to break that sentence up. Also, "teacher" should be plural in that sentence.

The full sentence would be better split in multiple parts - "He went to detention with his literature teacher, Miss Xiang Lee, the fairest of the female teachers. Then, he wisely thought 'well, if this thing works, maybe I won't have to pay those bimbos from home economics for blowjobs anymore'."

The word "drawn" should be "drawing" (tense trouble again) and I don't think there's an 's' in "titjob".

A better play on the Standard Fairy Tale Ending would be "And they fucked happily ever after". Your version is technically correct English, but doesn't quite 'flow' right.

This has been English 101. I hope my feedback has been useful to you. You'll get there some day :-)

Posted on 2021-03-27 03:52:55
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When I was writing the story, the idea was making look this bully character as a hero and make the teacher the narrator, but then I changed it for the bully to be the narrator and makes himself looks like a hero. So, when I wrote “Who defend” I thought in infinite because he bullies others all the time. But now that I think of it even in a literal translation in spanish sound weird (may be fapping to much makes you dumber).



That was google translation (My) fault, because in spanish you would use “de” (of) no “para” (for).



My bad, I was rewriting the whole thing in a rush and that mistake maybe was a remanent of another text I wrote, and for reading fast my mind just skip the word “the” I feel so stupid right now because I swear, I used the grammarchecker in word before putting the text.



Like the last one. I swear that I fixed that, but maybe I press ctrl Z by accident.



Maybe I need to wait an hour and then re-read everything, for now on. How I said, I was in an unnecessary rush.



Yeah, I must be more careful with the times in a sentence. I was confused at first, because a hear tit-job, but a woman uses two tits no just one tit. And no matter how I write it, Microsoft word thinks I write the word wrong anyway, so I tossed a coin.



When you learn English by reading old comics and hearing old superhero shows. What kind of stuff sound on flow?



Thank you very much.