breasts caption empty_eyes femsub fox_girl furry happy_trance large_breasts male_pov maledom manip maxblackrabbit mindwarp_(manipper) original pov pov_dom red_hair robe sheila_vixen text whitewash_eyes

3 comments (0 hidden)

MindWarp
>> #20236
Posted on 2014-06-07 20:30:08
Score: 0 (vote Up)
First upload, any criticism welcome just please offer solutions instead of only complaining

NamesAreForTheWeak
>> #20239
Posted on 2014-06-07 21:01:20
Score: 0 (vote Up)
You should divide the text into paragraphs. Makes it much more legible.
Other than that, pretty good. I enjoyed it.

Ogodei-Khan
>> #20241
Posted on 2014-06-07 23:51:04
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Paragraphs.

Also, i think this would have been better served with a femdom angle. You wouldn't even have to change much of the actual text to get there.

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