Posted on 2023-08-08 12:43:33
Score: 4 (vote Up)

Hey hey, a rare well-written manip with some verbosity!
Writer to writer, well done - just be careful of repeating the same word multiple times in a short space (P5, 'relentless, p10, severed). I keep a dictionary and thesaurus tab close at hand myself. Aside from that nice writing - I'd like to hear more backstory and/or results on either side, like how this machine got in, or about how the world she had been tricked to see outside as free, happy people was actually already becoming a land of slaves, and then after her conversion, about how she enacts her new power and how it helps convert the city. :)

Posted on 2023-08-11 11:26:06
Score: 3 (vote Up)

I'd like to echo Ri's remarks, and also add some tidbits of my own in the formatting arena; the print is a little on the small side, which can make it hard to read for some users. It's a consequence of the size of the image you're pairing it with to a degree, but don't be afraid to adjust the size of the textbox or even split it on either side if that's what it takes for legibility.

Second, taking a little time to make sure there's a small space between where the image ends and your text box begins can do wonders. When there's not enough of that, letters with vertical lines like I, L, B and P can get kind of sucked up by the edge of the image when they start a new line. The same goes for the other places where text box meets outer edge, like the first time Zephyria is mentioned at the top.