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9 comments (0 hidden)

Cradily
>> #64688
Posted on 2015-07-27 02:02:41
Score: 0 (vote Up)
How is it? How to improve? D=
builder396
>> #64689
Posted on 2015-07-27 02:34:35
Score: 0 (vote Up)
really interesting idea telling the story from the subs perspective for once.
The gradient color change on the text isnt bad, but it just seems out of context. usually a color change means the sub gradually giving in to the MC, cant tell thats happening here.

Still good work.
soapyfoten
>> #64696
Posted on 2015-07-27 03:40:16
Score: 0 (vote Up)
i hope she passes his inspection~
Baka21
>> #64699
Posted on 2015-07-27 04:04:29
Score: 0 (vote Up)
builder396 said:
really interesting idea telling the story from the subs perspective for once.
The gradient color change on the text isnt bad, but it just seems out of context. usually a color change means the sub gradually giving in to the MC, cant tell thats happening here.

Still good work.


Most likely the ringing of the doorbell or a specific knock pattern was a trigger and the gradual color change is her falling into her entranced state. You could perhaps add a *ring* or *knock knock* at the start to make this more apparent, if that's what you were going for.
Dreamshade
>> #64717
Posted on 2015-07-27 08:34:57
Score: 0 (vote Up)
I think Cradily has a thing for girls being hypnotized to think they're included with their rooms. c:
Cradily
>> #64732
Posted on 2015-07-27 12:06:23
Score: 0 (vote Up)
builder396 said:
really interesting idea telling the story from the subs perspective for once.
The gradient color change on the text isnt bad, but it just seems out of context. usually a color change means the sub gradually giving in to the MC, cant tell thats happening here.

Still good work.

Baka21 said:
Most likely the ringing of the doorbell or a specific knock pattern was a trigger and the gradual color change is her falling into her entranced state. You could perhaps add a *ring* or *knock knock* at the start to make this more apparent, if that's what you were going for.


Thank =D I think around ~30% of my stories are from the subs PoV though.

Regarding the text color, that's because it was pretty much out of context in that I did not plan to add it in when I was making it until the end. It worked in my head, but I guess that's because I knew more than what the text showed. Will keep in mind for my future manips!

soapyfoten said:
i hope she passes his inspection~


She better, he even ruined her socks D=

Dreamshade said:
I think Cradily has a thing for girls being hypnotized to think they're included with their rooms. c:


I... do? Hmm... I don't know. That is a pretty specific scenario.
Dreamshade
>> #64742
Posted on 2015-07-27 13:58:39
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Cradily said:
I... do? Hmm... I don't know. That is a pretty specific scenario.


<<hypnohub.net/post/show/1431|Well, I guess it's just girls being included with rooms...>>
Mister Vi
>> #64825
Posted on 2015-07-28 07:38:57
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Dreamshade said:
I think Cradily has a thing for girls being hypnotized to think they're included with their rooms. c:


just the slightest amount of human furniture, loads of hot MC potential
FBA
>> #97947
Posted on 2016-04-08 04:49:38
Score: 0 (vote Up)
nice :3
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