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3 comments (0 hidden)

FranzIsASissy
>> #78522
Posted on 2015-11-28 10:28:13
Score: 1 (vote Up)
Text needs some love. Temporal speaking I can't exactly tell what comes first and what after, especially on that 'I must escape..' line.
Personally I wouldn't put her transition, from reluctant to submissive, in her spoken words, rather into her inner dialog - not sure if that's just me though.

A visual cue of the bell ringing maybe?
twofaceddragon
>> #78527
Posted on 2015-11-28 10:47:38
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Thank you FranzIsASissy.

I will keep that in mind when I write the next one.

And for the 'I must escape..." line, the idea is that the subliminal are overwhelming her natural thought process, and turns into a bimbo.

Personally, not a big fan of bimbofication, but that is the direction this one kinda went. >.>
HOLYROCKER
>> #233949
Posted on 2018-02-13 00:33:23
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Hah Pavlov
1