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4 comments (0 hidden)

MindBrokenPrev
>> #253273
Posted on 2018-05-21 18:04:09
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Sorry I'm kind of new to posting on this type of site, So any feed back would be helpful
Whisper
>> #253280
Posted on 2018-05-21 21:05:33
Score: 0 (vote Up)
MindBrokenPrev said:
Sorry I'm kind of new to posting on this type of site, So any feed back would be helpful


You can always proofread your work, there are a few mistakes that made it in. Otherwise good job for posting this first one, practice and they'll be even better.
TheGrandOleRuski
>> #266074
Posted on 2018-06-19 08:43:11
Score: 0 (vote Up)
MindBrokenPrev said:
Sorry I'm kind of new to posting on this type of site, So any feed back would be helpful


Well first things first is to improve your dialogue. I love Neptune-Chan getting mindfucked but the text was a bit...bland.
Lioth
>> #428259
Posted on 2021-07-10 13:09:24
Score: 0 (vote Up)
TheGrandOleRuski said:
Well first things first is to improve your dialogue. I love Neptune-Chan getting mindfucked but the text was a bit...bland.


Bland as hardtack actually. Premise would certainly fit within the Neptunia 'canon' though.
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