Megaguardain said: I don't see anything wrong. It's a good caption. But I do have a question; does he know she's got a long tongue before being hypnotized?
He never even mentions the tongue though. He says her eyes are glowing, and reacts to her lifting part of her shirt but doesn't say anything about her tongue.
Megaguardain said: I don't see anything wrong. It's a good caption. But I do have a question; does he know she's got a long tongue before being hypnotized?
I like to think that he notices but doesn't comment on it since he can't get a good look at it.
DarkKing said: And then they went to her home and lived happily ever after.
First time posting here. I would love some suggestions on how I could improve this.
Well, I always moan about not getting enough feedback, so...
The manip is very good. I mean, it's scoring better than most of my pics do, so obviously my advice is probably a bit redundant. That said, I tend to think 'the protagonist is magic, now their subject is hypnotised' is a little bit of a cop out. Magic isn't an issue, but it's easier to empathise if they have to do some of the work themselves.
Which to be fair, the story kinda does have that, but the transition of the subject from 'shouting' to 'hypnotised' is still fairly sudden.
That said, I tend towards 'wordy and slow', so take my words with a grain of salt.
Other than that... I'm not really one to talk, but the full size picture is huge. Also, contractions are your friend, most people use them when they speak. Unless you're writing a character who specifically doesn't use contractions, I'll and I've sound more natural than I will and I have. At least in my experience.
To be clear once again, these are nitpicks. The caption is extremely good. But personally I love feedback, so I try and give it whenever possible.
js7455 said: Well, I always moan about not getting enough feedback, so...
The manip is very good. I mean, it's scoring better than most of my pics do, so obviously my advice is probably a bit redundant. That said, I tend to think 'the protagonist is magic, now their subject is hypnotised' is a little bit of a cop out. Magic isn't an issue, but it's easier to empathise if they have to do some of the work themselves.
I didn't want to start off with a 5 paragraph long setup. I do agree that slow is good but I also don't want to fuck it up with my inexperience in writing.
js7455 said:
Other than that... I'm not really one to talk, but the full size picture is huge. Also, contractions are your friend, most people use them when they speak. Unless you're writing a character who specifically doesn't use contractions, I'll and I've sound more natural than I will and I have. At least in my experience.
I used the original size for the picture and just slaped a black bar on the side of it so I didn't know how this would turn out. As for the contractions, I'm never shure if you can tell the difference between an I and an l. It all depends on the font and stuff. Thanks for the feedback though.
hypnoguy777 said: A sequel perhaps?
I have no Idea when I'll make the next one. Probably won't be a sequel though.
Mugen said: It’s a little hard for me to read the dark red on black...
I recomend turning up your screen brightness... Fine. I'll use a brighter red next time.
DarkKing said: I didn't want to start off with a 5 paragraph long setup. I do agree that slow is good but I also don't want to fuck it up with my inexperience in writing.
That's fair (though I think you could pull it off). For the record, though, it's not setup where I'd add more words - it's between "DON'T DO THAT" and "so beautiful". That said, I understand not wanting to fuck it up, and why you did it the way you did.
>> #366235
Score: 0 (vote Up)
First time posting here.
I would love some suggestions on how I could improve this.
>> #366248
Score: 0 (vote Up)
And then they went to her home and lived happily ever after.
First time posting here.
I would love some suggestions on how I could improve this.
I don't see anything wrong. It's a good caption. But I do have a question; does he know she's got a long tongue before being hypnotized?
>> #366275
Score: 0 (vote Up)
I don't see anything wrong. It's a good caption. But I do have a question; does he know she's got a long tongue before being hypnotized?
He never even mentions the tongue though. He says her eyes are glowing, and reacts to her lifting part of her shirt but doesn't say anything about her tongue.
>> #366287
Score: 0 (vote Up)
I don't see anything wrong. It's a good caption. But I do have a question; does he know she's got a long tongue before being hypnotized?
I like to think that he notices but doesn't comment on it since he can't get a good look at it.
>> #366421
Score: 0 (vote Up)
And then they went to her home and lived happily ever after.
First time posting here.
I would love some suggestions on how I could improve this.
A sequel perhaps?
>> #366440
Score: 0 (vote Up)
And then they went to her home and lived happily ever after.
First time posting here.
I would love some suggestions on how I could improve this.
Well, I always moan about not getting enough feedback, so...
The manip is very good. I mean, it's scoring better than most of my pics do, so obviously my advice is probably a bit redundant. That said, I tend to think 'the protagonist is magic, now their subject is hypnotised' is a little bit of a cop out. Magic isn't an issue, but it's easier to empathise if they have to do some of the work themselves.
Which to be fair, the story kinda does have that, but the transition of the subject from 'shouting' to 'hypnotised' is still fairly sudden.
That said, I tend towards 'wordy and slow', so take my words with a grain of salt.
Other than that... I'm not really one to talk, but the full size picture is huge. Also, contractions are your friend, most people use them when they speak. Unless you're writing a character who specifically doesn't use contractions, I'll and I've sound more natural than I will and I have. At least in my experience.
To be clear once again, these are nitpicks. The caption is extremely good. But personally I love feedback, so I try and give it whenever possible.
>> #366550
Score: 0 (vote Up)
>> #366552
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Well, I always moan about not getting enough feedback, so...
The manip is very good. I mean, it's scoring better than most of my pics do, so obviously my advice is probably a bit redundant. That said, I tend to think 'the protagonist is magic, now their subject is hypnotised' is a little bit of a cop out. Magic isn't an issue, but it's easier to empathise if they have to do some of the work themselves.
I didn't want to start off with a 5 paragraph long setup. I do agree that slow is good but I also don't want to fuck it up with my inexperience in writing.
Other than that... I'm not really one to talk, but the full size picture is huge. Also, contractions are your friend, most people use them when they speak. Unless you're writing a character who specifically doesn't use contractions, I'll and I've sound more natural than I will and I have. At least in my experience.
I used the original size for the picture and just slaped a black bar on the side of it so I didn't know how this would turn out.
As for the contractions, I'm never shure if you can tell the difference between an I and an l. It all depends on the font and stuff.
Thanks for the feedback though.
A sequel perhaps?
I have no Idea when I'll make the next one.
Probably won't be a sequel though.
It’s a little hard for me to read the dark red on black...
I recomend turning up your screen brightness...
Fine. I'll use a brighter red next time.
>> #366560
Score: 0 (vote Up)
I didn't want to start off with a 5 paragraph long setup. I do agree that slow is good but I also don't want to fuck it up with my inexperience in writing.
That's fair (though I think you could pull it off). For the record, though, it's not setup where I'd add more words - it's between "DON'T DO THAT" and "so beautiful".
That said, I understand not wanting to fuck it up, and why you did it the way you did.