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20 comments (0 hidden)

Dakuyami
>> #182962
Posted on 2017-06-20 14:13:13
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Hey Guys! So this is my first attempt at a Manip, I'm brand new to this site! I hope you guys enjoy it and please leave feedback about what I could do better! I really love the works of the many talented manippers on this site (especially hwd171) , and I thought it might be fun to try one of my own! I'm not really sure how it will be received xD And I've never tried writing something for the purpose of arousal before, so If it's terrible then I sincerely apologize.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy! ^-^
Eneomao
>> #182965
Posted on 2017-06-20 14:28:22
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Very nice work you've done there. i also like the losts of hwd171. kepp on doing this stuff
Whisper
>> #182968
Posted on 2017-06-20 15:17:39
Score: 0 (vote Up)
IF you need help practicing I would be happy to give you advices.
I worked with HWD and Frombeyond before and I'm always happy when there is an opportunity for more good content on the hub.
DM me if you're interested ^^
chocobosage85
>> #182976
Posted on 2017-06-20 15:39:22
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Very nice story and premise. It's definitely not a perspective you see all the time. Quite nice.

That said, you may want to ask someone to proof read your text. While not atrocious, by any means, at one point you do have the wrong your/you're. Also one or two of those ellipsis probably should have been commas instead... But again, I enjoyed it regardless. Thank you for the content!
Pinkanator
>> #182978
Posted on 2017-06-20 15:48:40
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Daaaaaaamn lucky guy
Dakuyami
>> #182990
Posted on 2017-06-20 16:41:06
Score: 0 (vote Up)
You guys are awesome <3 And I made it while I was like...super fucking tired...so I guess I missed a few Typos, I'll be more careful next time ^-^
Dakuyami
>> #182991
Posted on 2017-06-20 16:45:05
Score: 0 (vote Up)
And That Typo will bother me for all eternity~
NamesAreForTheWeak
>> #182992
Posted on 2017-06-20 16:58:09
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Dakuyami said:
And That Typo will bother me for all eternity~


You have the power to fix it, you know :-P

But yeah, typos aside this is a really good first go - though I'd suggest maybe sticking to one sentence per line for readability.
UselessFish
>> #183001
Posted on 2017-06-20 18:11:46
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Lucky guy....

Welcome and I want more!
Dakuyami
>> #183003
Posted on 2017-06-20 18:35:28
Score: 0 (vote Up)
I wrote the story out before I put it on the Manip, I'm kiiinda terrible at trimming my stories down... I'll work on it though, thanks for the feedback ^-^
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