Posted on 2017-10-22 00:24:23
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This was a request from foffyoul5. I hope you enjoy it and also hope that you see improvement from my past work!

Posted on 2017-10-22 01:10:57
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Ya more sao Aldo do you do request

Posted on 2017-10-22 01:12:38
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Great job :)

Posted on 2017-10-22 01:30:58
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PoV switched from our faceless protag to Sinon

Posted on 2017-10-22 08:43:35
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Is that a bad thing?

Posted on 2017-10-22 09:03:05
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It throws the perspective off, and since we'd just gotten most of the story in the PoV of one person, switching it to another person's confuses things. Not to mention it's still phrased as though we're in the perspective of the protag, so it just looks like he's somehow able to read her mind.

Posted on 2017-10-22 13:49:04
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Thanks for the advice

Posted on 2023-10-08 22:03:07
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Transcript:
I fell head over heels for Shino Asada while playing Gun Gale Online. Being the awkward nerdy gamer that I was, I did not have the courage to ask her out and began searching for guides online. After a few hours, I stumbled upon a weird website which apparently boasts a "Foolproof method of getting your desired partner to reciprocate your feelings." I hesitated, this looks like a scam. I quickly reaffirmed my conviction and took a plunge. "Virtual Love Potions, 100% effective!"
'Just as I thought, it was a scam.' I sighed. A wave of disappointment washed over me as I felt my chances of winning her heart crumble away, let alone my dreams of carrying her home after a beautiful marriage. I leaned on my chair and laughed, 'I knew a foolproof method was impossible to begin with
I tried to close the tab but my subconscious took over and purchased the potion, When I logged on to Gun Gale Online, I received the 'love potion' that I ordered and decided to try the potion on her anyway.
"Hey, how are you?" She said with an angelic smile, I panicked the moment I saw her. I decided to put my plan into action when we were hiding in a cave.
"Hey, Sinon do you want a drink?" I asked. "I was just feeling thirsty, Thank you!" she answered. She took a sip from the bottle filled with the love potion."Hey, I see an enemy in the distance!" She whispered. Immediately after saying that, she started to blush and stammer, "I-I don't feel so go- goodCohCough, COUGH!" To ease her coughing, she grabbed the drink and gulped down its remains.
She looked at me with a puzzled expression before starting to feel feverish. She was feeling something she had never felt before, just thinking about me made her wet. Her mind and body ached to be touched. She suddenly hugged me. This made me lose my balance and fell to the ground. She got on top of me and started undressing.
"I-I feel sooo hot, Pl-Please I want to have sex with you!! I Love You!" she cried. She could no longer control herself as a warm wave of pleasure swept her mind. "I need your co-cock to ram me, as hard as possible" she said.
"What about the game?" I questioned. "I don't care about this game anymore I just need you!" she said while taking short gasps. I lay on the ground, shocked that the potion was actually working, let alone how effective it was.
"Please, darling!" She once again begged for my warmth and I gladly granted her wish