So, today I uploaded a new manip (post #134839), and the feedback I'm getting seems to be that it's confusing and hard to figure out what's going on.

I've been kind of trying to pull of an [[accidental hypnosis]] thing where the dom isn't even aware they've hypnotized the sub at all (because they're just so hot that the pov naturally wants to become their slave), and this was my hand at trying to implement that concept. The idea was that the pov was hearing the highlighted sentence fragments as commands, until the hypnosis entirely takes over and what the unknowing dom's really saying fades into the background.

I'm not really sure how I can make this clearer, aside from making the start less abrupt. Maybe adding a few lines to clarify this is Baltimore talking to the Admiral?

Adding a short paragraph at the begining to make it clear that we're in the admiral's pov and baltimore is the only one talking would be a good start, but I think the confusing part is really only the part with the dual-messaging. I understand what you're going for, but it is really unclear why the admiral is hearing that demeaning rant from nowhere, and the formating makes it hard to see what Baltimore is actually saying (I know that's the point but maybe if it was easier to read it might make more sense?)

I do like the concept, but I think you might be trying to have your cake and eat it too by having the accidental hypnosis plus the paragraph about how pathetic the admiral is.

I really don't want to get rid of that part. I see your point, but I don't think there's much appeal to the manip without it. I'd be open to reworking it, though. The overlapping text is another issue. I can (and now have) increased the opacity to make it a bit more visible that there is overlapping text, but if I go too far, it stops being a cool effect and starts just being an eyesore to read.

I did throw together a version with a bit more of an intro to see how that works: i.imgur.com/xIsWZcU.jpg

Any thoughts?

I think the changes you made make it a little more straightforward. I think you should let it be for now, I don't think it's hard to understand, it's just a little outside the norm of what gets posted here

Thanks for the help. I ended up doing a more significant rewrite (post #134872) after the preview I showed you, and I think it works a lot better now. It's more clear what is happening, and I think I contrived a good excuse for the monologue to be a thing (it's more clear now that she's unwittingly commanded him to do so).

Your contrived excuse is a good compromise, and I think it turned out well enough. Good work.