Alright, here it is. Part 1
As far as spelling and grammar goes, this story is fine. I found one, maybe two grammatical errors that I went ahead and corrected. Beyond that there were no real issues there. The sentence structure on the other hand could use some work.
Early in the story it's awkward and stilted. It becomes less of a problem as the story goes on, but the first couple of paragraphs are rough. They just don't flow very well. Your story is written in very short, abrupt sentences. This writing style is effective when you're trying to create a fragmented narrative and in fact, it works very well when Cecilia gets hypnotized but early on when you're just trying to establish the characters and the setting it doesn't work. It makes the process of reading those paragraphs feel very "stop and start" when it should flow smoothly. I've included some rewrites in the parentheses between the paragraphs of your story that I believe read a bit more smoothly while still maintaining the ideas you were trying to get across. The parentheses within the paragraphs of your story meanwhile are smaller edits that help improve an otherwise fine paragraph. I've also made a number of very minor edits that I simply didn't bother to mark.
The stage was dark. Cecilia was in the audience, shuffling her paws nervously. She had not wanted to come but her friends had dragged her along. The four feline ladies sat next to each other. Cecilia was closest to the aisle. That scared her.
(I've edited this opening paragraph so that it reads a bit more smoothly, however I think it could be stronger if it didn't outright tell the reader she was scared. It's often better to show rather than tell. It wouldn't require a huge rewrite, just a bit of restructuring. For example the following:
The stage was dark. Cecilia was in the audience. She had not wanted to come but her friends had dragged her along. The four feline ladies sat next to each other, with Cecilia closest to the aisle. She shuffled her paws nervously.
manages to get across the idea that she's somewhere she doesn't want to be, without simply saying as much.)
A white-furred hand squeezed her knee through her jeans. "What's wrong?" A question that might be caring, but she usually heard it as a jeer. This was no exception. She had to ignore it. Acknowledging their plan would only make it a certainty. "Nothing," she replied quietly. Cecilia looked straight ahead.
(A white-furred hand squeezed her knee through her jeans. "What's wrong?" There was no actual concern in the question, there never was. Just the usual mocking tone. "Nothing" Cecilia replied quietly. She had to ignore it. Acknowledging their plan would only make it a certainty. She looked straight ahead.)
"Ya know, I'm thinking of volunteering," Felicity said. "I guess I just don't know how I'd feel about all of *you* seeing me up there." Cecilia knew she was being looked at (This is another good spot for showing rather than telling. Don't just tell us that she knew she was being looked at. Maybe she could "feel the others taking quick glances at her" Or maybe they weren't trying to be sneaky about it, maybe she could "feel them staring knowingly at her" or something along those lines) . She (kept her eyes locked straight ahead) looked straight ahead.
"I feel like at least one of us should, though." Her feigned ignorance wasn't helping her. "Wouldn't want it to be awkward, y'know? Otherwise it'd be like we all just went and watched some freaky porno together." (It isn't entirely clear who's talking here. Given the group dynamics that get introduced later on, I assume it's Cecilia, but the next paragraph makes me think that it might be Felicity, since it seems like Cecilia is reacting to her Felicity's "feigned ignorance")
'Felicity is a bitch,' Cecilia thought. She wanted to say it, but it wasn't the time. It never was. Cecilia was a small black cat. Felicity was tall, with wonderfully-patterned fur. And she was loud. (This part is a little awkward. My first instinct was to say that the two sentences, the one about her physical appearance and her personality should be merged because the sentence regarding her personality is too short and tells us too little to be its own thing. However, on second thought it occurred to me that it would be better if both sentences were kept separate and were instead expanded. She's loud. Okay. She's a bitch. Okay. What makes her a bitch? Is it just the fact that she's loud, or is there more to it? Likewise, it sounds like part of the reason she's the leader of the group is because she's physically imposing as well, but we learn very little about what she looks like beyond the fact that she's tall and has nice fur. What more is there to her?) Cecilia wanted a group of friends without a ringleader. She imagined it was wishful thinking. (These two last sentences could be merged into something like "Cecilia wanted a group of friends without a ringleader but that was just wishful thinking on her part.")
"C'mon, someone volunteer." That was Jess, before she tossed a handful of popcorn into her mouth. She had grey fur, black stripes. Jess was simpler than Felicity. Cecilia could tolerate her better. But she was frequently just a pocket vote for Felicity's whims. They had known one another before Cecilia had met either of them. Felicity always seemed to have something against Cecilia. Jess seemed not to mean harm. Even now, Cecilia doubted she had any of them in particular in mind. But that was two regardless.
(C'mon! Someone volunteer!" said Jess as she tossed a handful of popcorn into her mouth. She had grey fur and black stripes ((Again, I feel like there should be more to her description.)) Jess was simpler than Felicity. ((Simpler how? Mentally? Physically?)) Cecilia could tolerate her most of the time since, unlike Felicity, Jess didn't seem to have anything against her but Cecilia knew that she'd would always be wrapped around Felicity's finger.)
The third was Moxy, furthest from the aisle. Calico. Small, with an unusually long tail. She was most like Cecilia, Cecilia thought. Not always so quiet, but calculated. So, were Cecilia to ever not be taking the brunt of the humiliation in these things once they began, it would fall to Moxy. The third finger was guaranteed. "Well, I'm not climbing over all of you." Cecilia might have appreciated the cunning tact, had she been sitting one seat over.
(In the seat furthest from the Aisle sat Moxy. She was a Calico ((Why is Moxy the only character who's breed is explicitly stated?)). Small, but with an unusually long tail. She wasn't always as quiet as Cecilia but she was about as calculating ((This is really weird description for her. If the fact that she's a calculating individual is the trait she shares with Cecilia, that implies that they're both manipulators, but in the very next sentence you say that the two of them get the most shit out of the group. I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to go for with this description. Honestly, it seems to me like Cecilia and maybe Moxy are generally skittish but try to hide it through tactfulness and a calm/quiet demeanor.)) When Felicity wasn't trying to humiliate Cecilia, her sights were usually set on Moxy. "Well, I'm not climbing over all of you." Cecilia might have appreciated the cunning tact if she'd been sitting one seat over.
"Good point!" Felicity seized the opportunity. "You know who wouldn't have to climb..." Cecilia finally looked over and up (at Felicity). The look in Felicity's eyes was close on predatory. (The look in her eyes was predatory) ((Okay, this is the start of another problem I noticed and I'll be marking them as I see them. So, the problem here is that you often put negative qualifiers next to your adjectives. Descriptions of things should be vivid but these qualifiers muddy up the image that you're trying to create. This part here is a perfect example. I know what a predatory look in someone's eyes looks like. I can imagine that easily enough, but what's a "close to predatory" look supposed to look like though? I have no idea, and now instead of continuing to read this, I'm stuck trying to figure out what this look Felicity is giving Cecilia is supposed to be. It mucks up the flow of the story) Cecilia shrunk inside. The taller cat turned to the others. "All in favor of seeing Cecilia try her luck up there?" (This is a minor point however it still stands, we know she's in an audience but the presence of a stage was never established. so when Felicity refers to "up there" we don't know where "up there" is. Adding a mention of a stage back when Cecilia was looking forward would fix this.) Three quick ayes. Felicity looked back down to Cecilia. "All opposed?" She didn't have to do that, Cecilia thought. (Cut out the "Cecilia thought" and merge these two sentences) She'd already won.
"Me, of course." But it didn't matter, and it rarely did. (Everything before this point could be deleted or merged into the previous paragraph) Cecilia looked back to the stage. A spotlight came on. A man in a suit walked out towards it. (Clearly a mouse, judging by the silhouette of his ears.) From the silhouette of the ears, clearly a mouse. They knew that coming in. He was the main attraction. A hypnotist.
"Good evening," he yelled as he stepped into the light. He was young and (Again, that "fairly" is an unnecessary qualifier. If he's handsome, just say he's handsome. Also, it would help if he was described a bit more. We know he's handsome but what is it about him that sticks out to Cecilia? Anyone can picture a generic handsome face, but that doesn't do much for his character. It just makes him bland.) fairly handsome. The audience applauded. Cecilia flinched. (Cecilia flinched as the audience applauded). She was afraid that his voice alone was going to have enough power to conk her out in her seat. "I am Imperio," he announced. "Tonight, some of you are going to enjoy a wonderful show. The rest of you will *be* a wonderful show, I'm sure. I'll be doing my best to make sure you'll enjoy it just the same." His voice was nice. Calming. Not compelling - calming. "So, a show of hands from the aspiring performers out there?"
There was whooping and laughter, and many, many hands, paws, and claws were raised. Cecilia looked up at the mouse - through the mouse. She was trying to disassociate herself from the situation. No expression, no emotion. She had to avoid calling attention to herself.
"Hmm, let's see." Imperio tapped his chin, scanning the audience. Shopping. "I think I'll take the lizard again," he pointed at a green, scaled man and a smooth red woman holding hands. The lady led the man up to the stage and took their seats in the short row of chairs. "Normally I don't allow encores, but this lady was so talented at last night's show! I at least owe it to her to let her experience it with her other half." The woman looked up at her partner excitedly. The man looked less than pleased.
"And you there, the pup." A fairly (Okay, no one can be "fairly" androgynous. This isn't even a qualifier issue, that's just not how that word works. It's a sliding scale. You can be masculine-fairly masculine-androgynous-fairly feminine-feminine. Androgyny is the middle point in that sliding scale. You're either androgynous or you're not. Being close to it doesn't mean that you're "fairly androgynous" it means that you're closer to masculinity or femininity) androgynous white canine hopped up, clapping, then raced to the stage to take a seat. It became clear (again, another qualifier) relatively quickly that the 'pup' was a "he", and that he was very excited. "And you, and you, and you..." Imperio pointed and beckoned at several others. Cecilia wondered why Felicity wasn't goading her into raising her hand.
"Aaaand," Imperio's eyes scanned... And fell on Cecilia. "Oh my. I can tell... Yes. You there. You are going to be a lot of fun." The mouse pointed. Cecilia looked left and right, and then up. She was raising her hand and she hadn't realized it. Her friends laughed as she calmly stood and strode down the aisle.
The light on the stage was blinding, and hot. She regretted wearing jeans. "Now, I know *you* all know what you're in for here," Imperio said. He was speaking towards the audience, but addressing the people on stage. Cecilia had to strain to listen. (He's talking into a mic isn't he? Why is she straining? If it's because she's nervous than maybe something like "Cecilia had to strain to listen to him over the sound of her rapidly beating heart" would help emphasize that point.) "I know some of you up here are probably scared, but try to relax a bit and I'll take care of that in no time. And those of you worried about forgetting all that's about to happen - there will be tapes sold after the show!" There were many giggles on stage. Cecilia bit her lip, wondering if she knew exactly what she'd signed when she bought her ticket.
She could see her friends in the audience. They could see her. Imperio stepped in front of her and she nearly leapt out of her seat. "Ah ha! Not too often I'm looking down on a cat, even when they're sitting." The reality of her situation was setting in. It wasn't a dream, not even a nightmare. (This sentence should probably be deleted unless you go back and add something to establish that she felt like she was in a dream-like state to begin with) He was going to hypnotize her. She had thought in the back of her mind that maybe she would be sent back down. That maybe she was special.
(These two paragraphs can be merged. In fact, the last sentence of the previous paragraph and the first sentence of this next one should probably be merged into once sentence as well.)
But she wasn't. He had done this hundreds of times, and she knew nothing about resisting. Imperio covered his mic and leaned down. "Hey, I can tell you're scared. Would it help if I told you the scared ones that make it up here usually end up having the most fun?"
It didn't. She didn't want to have the "fun" he was going to be providing. Not in front of her friends, but his stage presence was calming, and she found it hard to do anything but nod weakly. "Attagirl!" He uncovered his mic. "So, what's the name of our first lucky lady?"
"Cecilia." She spoke quietly into the mic, keeping her eyes on the hypnotist, trying to ignore the audience. He moved on to the next chair. "And your name?" Imperio asked the canine. Cecilia didn't pay attention to the rest of them. The audience was in front of her. Staring at her. She breathed in. Every second felt like an eternity. She could see Felicity.
Then Imperio was in front of her again. She looked to her left. Everyone else on stage was slumped in their chairs. Instinct told her to bolt, but her paws were frozen in place. The mouse leaned in. His mic was at his hip. He brought his other hand in front of her face and held one finger up. "Watch and listen. My finger, my voice." His hand traced a circle in front of her. She followed it with her eyes.
"You're going to sleep. You already know that." His finger switched to a sideways back-and-forth motion. "You've been imagining what you're going to do up here while you sleep, but that's going to stop because you're going to think about going to sleep. You already are." She was. "Picture yourself asleep, in this very chair. On my stage." His eyes loomed behind his finger.
"You don't need to feel sleepy. You just need to think about being asleep." Back to a circle, but larger. Everything inside that circle became blurry, like she was watching it through a fogged lens. "Because once you're asleep, you're not afraid. You're not afraid to be asleep. So think about being asleep. See it." She did see it. She saw it in the blurry space between her and him. No audience, no spotlight, just her asleep and him with her. "See it," he repeated. The circle got larger. The picture became clearer. He stopped tracing the circle and snapped where its middle once was.
Cecilia was standing alone on stage. Candles lit the room. Cecilia was wearing a long red dress. Music played a murky, uncertain tune, and she began to dance. There was no audience, but she was a dancer. She needed to dance. She took two pointed steps and spun quickly on her toes, then wrapped her right arm over her belly to her left hip, raised her left arm, and swung her hips. She turned around slowly, still swaying her hips, swishing her tail around her leg under the dress so that the fabric would cling better to her form. She leaned forward and slid a hand down her thigh, then continued spinning and swaying. When she faced the front of the stage, she put one leg in front and struck a pose. The music stopped and the candles flickered out.
Cecilia was sitting again, this time on the floor, with her feet up in the lap of someone in a chair. Her vision was too blurry to see whose. "H-hi," she said nervously. There was a click of some sort that sounded far away but very clear. The next words came from her mouth but were not her own. "I need you to tickle my feet," she announced very clearly. She was confused. "Wait, no, I-" Another click. "I *really* need you to tickle my feet." There was dull laughter somewhere. Then she was laughing.
Cecilia opened her eyes. She was no longer at the end of the row of chairs. She was on the floor, at the feet of the other participants. Her feet were in someone's lap. She was not the only one - the lizard man and the pup were both on the floor as well. She was out of breath, as though she had been laughing for too long. She remembered nothing. Everyone was waking up. She climbed back into her seat. Her body was weightless. Imperio wheeled something to the front of the stage from behind the chairs, saying things to the audience she couldn't make out. He put the boxy stand front and center on stage. Everyone was back in their chairs. Imperio snapped.
The next time she opened her eyes, Cecilia looked over to see Imperio behind the pup, hands on his shoulders. The pup's eyes were open, but his face was blank. His mouth was open only slightly. Imperio whispered something short to the pup, and he mechanically stood and moved towards the stand. "No surprises, now," Imperio said into the mic. He snapped again.
Another flash and Cecilia was awake again. She was on the stand. A yellow bunny woman about the same size as her that she did not recognize was in her lap. Her hand was between the bunny's legs, rubbing her through her pants. Imperio stood to the side of them, arms outstretched towards them. "Ta-dah!" The audience laughed. The bunny turned her face up against Cecilia's neck and came. Cecilia breathed in. She kept rubbing. The bunny kept coming. Imperio snapped.
The bunny was gone. Cecilia was still on the stand. Sitting up and facing the audience. Imperio stood behind and over her. His hand was wrapped around her waist. He reached around with his other hand to grab her knees and swing her legs up so that she was lying on the stand. Only then did she realize that she had stripped down to her bra and panties. He held her between her shoulder blades and leaned in, whispering.
He was fucking her. They were in bed together, in private. He was on top of her, he was between her legs, and he was inside of her. He was everything. He told her that he was making her come. She believed him. He put the tip of his finger in her mouth and she sucked it as her brow furrowed hard. She was coming hard. She had never come this hard (replace hard here with another word like, "intensely" or "furiously". Something to break up the repetition.), but he told her to come even harder. Her ankles locked, and her nails clawed Imperio and the bed. He whispered something. She closed her eyes and breathed.
When she opened her eyes, he wasn't fucking her. She was still on the bench. His fingertip was in her mouth. "You're lucky I have a lot of suits, ma'am." She removed her nails from his shoulder. There was laughter. She rolled her neck and gasped, opening her mouth to let his fingertip slide out. Imperio brought his face close to hers and snapped.
She was sitting in a chair again, and Imperio was leaning down in front of her. Holding a mic to her face, asking her what her name was. "I'm, uh, I'm..." She saw the audience again for the first time in a while. It felt very important that she not embarrass herself by forgetting her name in front of all these people. "I'm..." She had no name. "I'm nobody."
Imperio leaned in closer. "Good girl. You can come again." Her ass slid in the chair as she sunk down into climax. "Remember, you're nobody. Come again." She couldn't help herself. She screamed. "Silence." The rest of her scream caught with a gag in her throat, but she kept coming (Again, you use the word "come" 3 times in this very short paragraph. Maybe something like, "The rest of her scream caught in her throat but the orgasm continued to rack her body" or something along those lines would help break up the repetition). Imperio's hand traced her cheek lightly. Then he snapped.
Cecilia woke fully dressed, sitting in the same chair she'd sat down in. The pup was laying in the laps of both of the lizards. The green lizard's head was resting on his red partner's chest. "Thank you for coming out tonight, everyone!" She felt rested, but only remembered having just sat down. Any time she tried to remember something past that, it was like an eraser was scrubbing it out of her head. Had the show even happened?
The rest of the participants looked similarly confused. Imperio walked over to Cecilia. "And I hope you all enjoyed the especially wonderful performances by... Nobody!" He extended a hand towards her. Not knowing what else to do, she shook it. The memories were back. Everything had happened. She had thought nothing of doing what she'd been told. It didn't feel like she had done anything at all - it felt more like everything had happened to her instead. She had loved it (Show, don't tell! Maybe have her grin as she shakes his hand, or something along those lines but don't just tell us that she liked it). "And remember, I'm here three times a week for the next month, so stop by again any time!"
Cecilia was ushered off the stage, and her friends met her quickly. "Nice performance up there!" Felicity said, laughing. "I think I might get a tape just so I can enjoy it again." She clearly intended for Cecilia to be humiliated. Jess was more enthusiastic. "Hell yeah! That was hot as fuck." Moxy was quietly looking away, not saying anything. Cecilia was still in a bit of a daze, and couldn't think up a good response to any of it. She didn't have to.
Imperio came to their group, startling everyone but Cecilia. "You three are with her?" They looked at one another and nodded enthusiastically. Even Felicity seemed a bit enraptured around the mouse. "And you let her have all the fun? That just can't do! Tell you what, I'll give the four of you a free pass to my next show tomorrow, if you'll volunteer. It'll be great - just ask Cecilia how it was!"
Imperio reached up and tweaked her ear. She stood straight, suddenly clear-headed, and recited tonelessly "Imperio is wonderful and made me feel wonderful. I would do it again in a heartbeat. The booking number for Imperio is 555-0119. Call and leave a message any time." She blinked.
Imperio laughed. "Ah, I do love free advertising. But seriously, give me your names and I'll leave a note at the office." He handed them a pen and pad to pass around, and they all signed - even (Of course Cecilia signed, out of everyone there she'd likely be the most eager. Felicity, being the most headstrong member of the group would be the least likely one to do it. Make sure to stick to the characterization you've established when writing scenes like this. Replace Cecilia's name here with Felicity's) Cecilia. He took it back and headed off. "Looking forward to it! Cheers!"
Once he was gone, Felicity looked down at the still-dazed Cecilia (You've established that she's dazed. Show us now, don't tell us. Maybe Cecilia was staring blankly at Imperio as he left. Maybe she was swaying back and forth where she stood. Descriptions like that can show us the state she's in). "So, uh, we're not actually gonna do that, right?" Jess looked conflicted. "Well, uh, I mean. I probably am." Felicity looked to Moxy for support. "Oh yeah. We're going up there."
Cecilia was finally aware enough of her situation to blush. Moxy looked at her with a weird (What's weird about it?) expression. "How about you two take off together. I'll take care of Miss Stageshow, yeah?" Felicity, who clearly had no intention of helping ( I'm sure this is getting really old now, but show don't tell. Did Felicity take off in a hurry? Maybe she just responded with an apathetic shrug and looked away from the group. The same thing applies to the next part of the sentence. How do we know Jess didn't plan to leave her? Because you said so? No, show the reader through her actions.), and Jess, who had no intention of leaving Felicity, headed off.
Moxy led Cecilia off down the hallway away from the crowd. "So, uh, are you still all loopy?" Cecilia nodded. She felt content - but there was a nagging feeling of embarrassment still left in her head. "Interesting," Moxy continued. Moxy reached up to Cecilia's ear and snapped. Cecilia stopped walking, and her chin hit her chest as her eyes shut again.
