Yeah, so... I'm not exactly in the best state of mind right now, from a number of reasons including; I'm fucking cancer and piss off everyone I meet, and am really just a fucking burden, that whole Undertale argument today, which helped rub in the fact that I am fucking cancer that only serves to detract from humanity, my own depressed delusions telling me I'd get to be with Lyra, fears for my own future and where I'm going, and general depression built up from years of being a fucking waste of everyone's time.

Long story short; if I appear to have become inactive for a prolonged period of time, without notice, you might have to assume the worst. In which case, feel free to take the piss out of me, I probably deserve it. I'll probably leave a self-important final letter if worst comes to worst, but I felt I should just let you know, because I'm very afraid I'm gonna do something stupid.

Y'know I considered putting a ~ and then my name, but then I thought "You fucking big-headed bastard, you're not fucking important, and that shit is stupid you fucking imbicle."

If you feel this way, I would ask that you talk to someone on the suicide prevention hotline.

The number is 1(800) 273-8255 if you live in the U.S. and someone there will help you get the assistance you need. Your life is precious, Please don't end it prematurely.

Buddy, it's been a while I've not seen you. You should come to Facebook or again to IRC and have a private talk with me from time to time. (Actually, it's been a while I had no news about you, I was really worried... )

But don't underestimate yourself. You're someone who has great qualities, I'm sure of it!

Ditto.

Besides that, I'll just leave <<www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1roCscTXjg|this>> here.

Please don't let the cynics win. You can be a couch potato, homeless, have an IQ of 50, a quadriplegic stroke victim, or a mad dictator, and you still have something to add to society. Every human being has a universe of ideas, opinions and experiences within their own mind. Each and every one is precious. Hardly anyone among a population of billions changes the world or does anything that will be remembered, but anyone can have an impact on another human consciousness that is poignant and worthwhile. That includes you.

You're not 'cancer' for getting way into a game, or any kind of fiction for that matter, much less stating that it's changed your life when it really has. As long as you're not deliberately trolling, you should be free to mention it whenever you like. And if it makes someone have a temper tantrum, then what the fuck does it say about them?

"I can't see X referenced more than Y times, or I'll just go bonkers!!" Like no shit, what's really worse, being emotionally invested in a piece of art, or emotionally invested in disliking it?

Have arguments about it too; it's part of being a fan of something to defend it when it's called shitty. If you don't have strong views on something you're a fan of, you probably really don't give a shit about it in the big picture. And that's fucking boring.

As for your future; if I can go from years of unemployment and fear of driving, to having my license and a secure job, I strongly believe you can get out of whatever hole you're in. And once you're out of that hole, you'll be amazed at the possibilities that suddenly open up. It may not happen today, tomorrow, or even this year, but millions around the world can testify that you can find a spark of resolve that refuses to go out, pushes you into doing things that make you see your own value.

I only know you by the username Pinkanator, but you are a person who ignited a drive within me to try and get you to believe in a better tomorrow. Your impact was felt, as I hope mine was too. I hope you'll impact many more people in years to come, whether by your tangible actions, or just your words.

Hang in tight mate, no point in throwing your life away over some stupid argument on the internet. You are neither shit, piss, cancer or anything in between, you are fine human being and the world would be a poorer place without you: you DO matter. Everyone does. You feel lonely and want someone to talk to, talk with us. We will help you. That we're all responding and trying to help you out so fast should tell you that you DO matter and there are people that care about you and would miss you if you died. I'll write you a PM as well.

Please let us help you.

I haven't been around here long but I kind of get a kick out of you sometimes. As someone who often times gets into the same sort of state I can only wish you well in not going too deep. I've been there before and wouldn't want anyone else to have to go trough that.

I have a feeling that there's more to your current depression than just the most recent chain of comments, so I'll respect your privacy and not push on the matter. That said, I think it would be a good idea to try to recenter yourself. You're obviously very distraught, and no one should have to suffer the feelings you're going through now.

Most of what everyone else posted in this thread was on the spot. I'd like to add my own words, which I wrote to another going through your very situation some time back, and all of which also applies to you, as it does all of us.





Well, that's good. Er...bad. Or...something.

Anyway, my point is that I'd have had to remove it if you did. It's not generally a good idea to spread your real name around porn sites. So, serious props to you for not risking your future needlessly despite your emotional state. That shows good self control.

Dont let those toughts win you. you are pretty awesome. as you have seen on the comments people like you.

I don't know if what you're going through is long-term or has just suddenly come to a head, but one of the best phrases I heard when I was trying to deal with depression was "The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality." Which basically meant that being happy isn't going to change the root of your depression, but creating something or learning a new skill will actually help change your view of your own self worth. It's also why going to the gym or other forms of regular exercise is often recommended, because at the end of the day you can look at yourself with a greater sense of self esteem - and not in a fake way, because you earned that body or that instrument or that skill or finished that project and it's something that you can be proud of.

I know that was very abstract advice for something that's very personal, but your comment about motorcycles in card games honestly made me laugh the other day; And even if being a part of the 'hub isn't something you'll put on your CV anytime soon, for whatever it's worth you'll always be welcome.

Also I've heard Undertale is quite good, from the only reliable source, <<youtu.be/sCFGU79rX34|the guy who hates everything.>>

I'll play it eventually but until then no spoilers yo =P

To be honest, I don't know what brought this on. I missed the whole "undertale argument" that seems to have sparked this post.

However, from what I've read it was really just the straw that broke the camel's back, so I do have something to say.

Whatever actually caused this depression, you need to tell someone. Be it a close friend, relative, a professional therapist, or even the people here, talk to someone. If they're worth a damn, they'll listen and at least try to help. Heck, in the case of a therapist, it's pretty much their job.

You seem like a good person to me. Don't let the world miss out on the awesomeness that is the Pinkanator.

Never heard that expression before? Or did I say something that could have made it worse?

If the former, look it up. If the latter, I apologize.

Hey, Pinkanator here. <<www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAY0kVTH1O8|As you can probably tell;>>

I'd just like to say thanks for all your support, guys. I... really don't know what to say. I mean, I do, but y'know what I mean. I just felt really awful because that entire argument WAS my fault, and I really should of just shut up. I just couldn't get that. I'm sorry, and I'll probably do it again. Thing is, this is one of the only places I've truly felt wanted and accepted, this whole thread proves that, at least. But, when I was just getting flack from left, right, and center? That was a little tough to take. Heck, even knowing it was my fault and I deserved it for being a shithead just kinda made it worse, really. I wouldn't say I've had the worst life in the world, y'know 1st world issues and whatnot, but I've certainly been through some shit that fucked me up hard, basically coming down to one huge fucking trauma at the perfect age between being young and innocent to have it not affect me, and mature enough to properly process and accept it. I don't think I ever have moved past it, and the fuckery I caused my head has always been an issue. I've always believed that if you can't laugh at yourself, you can't laugh at anything, and I always take insults like punchlines, and kinda have an issue understanding peoples problems with cyber-bullying and insults (See the "HME is a fucking imbecile incident), but in times of real depression, laughing at yourself can very quickly turn into self loathing, at least in my case. I just can't believe the kindness, compassion and companionship you guys have given me. I really don't know what I'd do without you guys. And Lyra. And Ridley. Mainly Lyra. *Heavy Breathing*. (Have I talked about Ridley before?)



Damn, that guy is making me fucking choke up even more. Fuck, he makes a good argument, thanks for sharing that, seems like a great guy. Also, that Goebbels pun in the recommended is an A-tier pun.



Man, that's just what I love about you guys, you're just such great fucking people. Again, no place else really feels like home more than here. I love talking to people, but people always never want to talk back, but here? I just... Man, I just love you guys.



Shitpost senpai thinks I'm cool! *Squees*



That bastard! He said Bionicle: Mask of Light sucked! I'll make him into IHE bones!





It's a classic saying, point being; camels were typically used to haul large amounts of cargo across deserts, and a tiny piece of straw makes it too heavy for the camel, breaking its metaphorical back, as it cannot hold it anymore, due to the intense weight. The usage refers to emotional baggage and one small problem causes the strain to be too immense, and you crumble under emotional pain.

So, yeah, thank you guys so much for being here for me, sorry for getting you all concerned and shit. I just kinda wanted to let you know, in case I did something stupid. I just don't want to disappear one day, and leave everyone wondering where I went. Again, if I DO become inactive for an unusually long period of time, without warning, know you did your best, k? Thanks.

We're all affected in different ways by different things. No one, no matter how comfy a life they live, is immune to emotional pain. First-world problems are still problems (do they expect people in the first world to suffer from third world problems?) and what you've been through sounds quite a bit heavier than things that carry that label besides.

Laughing at yourself can be soothing, but if it ever turns into real self-loathing, don't ever be afraid or ashamed of outrage, even if you don't find it all that justified. Anger may be the emotion that saves your day, if not your life, and that's more than fine.


It's all good, and I'm pretty sure we're all just glad you're OK, so thank you for keeping us posted, Pinkanator. Your warning about potentially 'disappearing' has been noted too, but I pray it never, ever comes to that.

Glad if it helped even a little. And yes, this guy is an absolute magician with words. Fair warning if you feel compelled to peruse his channel though; he talks a lot about men's rights and the like, so if that's not your thing or you don't want to risk getting tangled up in other people's problems, I suggest you don't look any further.