HypnoHub - Currently writing a story with MC elements

EoD

07/07/16 10:32AM

Currently writing a story with MC elements

So, long story short. I've always wanted to try my hand at writing. After taking a creative writing class last semester in College, I found inspiration and started on a fantasy story, with magic and shit. The main antagonist, a woman in her mid 20s, has hypnotic powers and the protagonist, a girl in her mid teens, very quickly falls under her spell.

There's no pervyness in the story, other than one very brief and obtuse moment that you wouldn't catch unless you have a hypnofetish, and that's likely to be all.

I'm just curious what everyone here thinks of this. It's a story I want to write to completion and potentially, with enough revision, publish some day.

RedCollarBlackCollar

07/07/16 11:21AM

Well it's very simple standard stuff the premise; yet, it has absolutely nothing sticking out thus far that really seems to hook the readers. Like why does the antagonist choose to control the protagonist, and what exactly does she have planned to do with her? Is this a romantic Yuri/lesbian story, or a story involving the protagonist's intense struggle to overcome the mental control completely over her life? Are there other major characters that contribute anything to the two main leads' dynamic going on? Where and when does the story take place? Are their fantasy races involved? Etc. etc. etc.

Like I figure as much that it's still a concept in development, but you've really left us very minimal information about it, as well as again, nothing to really spark any genuine interest...

Give us more info and something to grab our attention, and hopefully I'll be able to give some actual thoughts/opinions about it.

LillyTank

07/07/16 11:31AM

Without going into further detail, I like this idea.

Edit: Would it be cool if we all shared SFW/MC stories on this thread?

Imasuky

07/07/16 11:33AM

It sounds like a decent premise but yeah, I'm not seeing mch in it right away to catch my interest.

I'd need a bit more of an idea what the actual plot is. I mostly write porn so a description of the plot isn't the most vital thing, But when it comes to an actual story you need to give more of a summary.

Like RedBlack said I don't know what kind of story it will be, You said antagonist, is she an actual villain or merely in opposition to the protagonist. What is the conflict aside from her controlling the younger girl.

Is it set in our world, another timeline, or another world all together.

I'd love to know and wish you the best of luck, I've struggled for the longest time to work up an idea worth publishing.

EoD

07/07/16 11:41AM

RedCollarBlackCollar said:
Well it's very simple standard stuff the premise; yet, it has absolutely nothing sticking out thus far that really seems to hook the readers. Like why does the antagonist choose to control the protagonist, and what exactly does she have planned to do with her? Is this a romantic Yuri/lesbian story, or a story involving the protagonist's intense struggle to overcome the mental control completely over her life? Are there other major characters that contribute anything to the two main leads' dynamic going on? Where and when does the story take place? Are their fantasy races involved? Etc. etc. etc.

Imasuky said:
It sounds like a decent premise but yeah, I'm not seeing mch in it right away to catch my interest..

That would be because I haven't posted any of the world information here. Just the general idea to see if people were in any way interested. Not gonna pour my heart and soul out to find out that no one gives a shit.

And to answer the questions, the story is set in a world superficially like our own, however the presence of magic and supernatural forces has caused history to shape differently. Its set in Victorian Era London, however instead of a royal family there is a council of powerful mages that runs things. Another significant difference is that guns were only recently invented and are considered a novelty, so plate armor never fell out of fashion.

The antagonist, a member of the previously mentioned council, wants to usurp the head position and so seeks out every potential weapon she can find. Turns out the 15 year old living in the local orphanage matches the description of a living weapon she was told about by someone who can see the future, so she sets about grooming her into a weapon.

That 15 year old is the MC. A self loathing orphan who finds out the hard way that being part of a prophecy sucks.

Imasuky

07/07/16 11:45AM

EoD said:
That would be because I haven't posted any of the world information here. Just the general idea to see if people were in any way interested. Not gonna pour my heart and soul out to find out that no one gives a shit.

And to answer the questions, the story is set in a world superficially like our own, however the presence of magic and supernatural forces has caused history to shape differently. Its set in Victorian Era London, however instead of a royal family there is a council of powerful mages that runs things. Another significant difference is that guns were only recently invented and are considered a novelty, so plate armor never fell out of fashion.

The antagonist, a member of the previously mentioned council, wants to usurp the head position and so seeks out every potential weapon she can find. Turns out the 15 year old living in the local orphanage matches the description of a living weapon she was told about by someone who can see the future, so she sets about grooming her into a weapon.

That 15 year old is the MC. A self loathing orphan who finds out the hard way that being part of a prophecy sucks.

OK, Now you have my interest,That's the kind of setting and concept that I'm a sucker for.

I love alternate history settings and the premise sounds like it could be very interesting with what the MC does with her new lot in life.

EoD

07/07/16 11:47AM

Imasuky said:
OK, Now you have my interest,That's the kind of setting and concept that I'm a sucker for.

I love alternate history settings and the premise sounds like it could be very interesting with what the MC does with her new lot in life.

I'm currently 7 chapters into the first draft. I have the story hosted on a site called scribophile, but it requires membership to view any of the writing on it. Said membership is free, however it does have a paid subscription that is pretty much required to use it as a writer.

Imasuky

07/07/16 11:48AM

I might look at it some time later.

EoD

07/07/16 11:50AM

Imasuky said:
I might look at it some time later.

I'm a little hesitant about linking to it since the site uses my real name. If you do want to read up on what there is so far, I'd be infinitely more comfortable sending the link in a message. Again though, it will require you to make an account before you can read anything posted there.

RedCollarBlackCollar

07/07/16 11:52AM

Not even an issue of the setting; the concern was that you gave us very little information, other than "an older woman hypnotizes a younger one, older's the antagonist while younger's the protagonist." Again, I had absolutely no clue how to get interested in a story that has such a barebones description thrown at us. And ya don't have to go all out and tell us everything that happens; we just deserve to know some more details to get a better idea of what exactly you're telling us about...

Imasuky

07/07/16 11:52AM

I'll let you know if I sign up over there. I'm a little iffy on signing up for new sites.

EoD

07/07/16 11:54AM

RedCollarBlackCollar said:
Not even an issue of the setting; the concern was that you gave us very little information, other than "an older woman hypnotizes a younger one, older's the antagonist while younger's the protagonist." Again, I had absolutely no clue how to get interested in a story that has such a barebones description thrown at us. And ya don't have to go all out and tell us everything that happens; we just deserve to know some more details to get a better idea of what exactly you're telling us about...

Understandable.

All the information I posted is laid out in the first few chapters anyways, so nothing is really spoiled about the story.

EoD

07/07/16 12:00PM

In my original post I was just intending to highlight what the actual MC in the story was since that was the point of me posting about it here.