Hey guys, as much as I want to try and avoid talking about this. It needs to be said.

Today I attempted to take my own life.

I am absolutely ashamed of myself for even getting to this point. I allowed so many inconveniences to pile up. I'm currently in debt, my current home situation is trash, my mother constantly reminding me of how much complete garbage I am, my nearly $1000 computer just shitting the bed thanks to my utter stupidity, a commissioner of mine forced a refund on me and put me into bankruptcy and caused an overdraft fee on my account, my mom being her usual bipolar self pushing me into more self hatred, you get the point. So many minor inconveniences that pushed me into serious suicidal thoughts.

I'm going to try and calm down for a bit. This string of nonsense really put me in a bad spot today and if it wasn't for a close friend of mine, I might not even be here right now. If anyone would wish to chat with me, please feel free to. But for now, I need rest.

I apologize for all my patrons who I have told there would be a stream today. I am not in the right mental state to even do that right now.

I'm really sorry to hear that. Sounds like a case of a bunch of bad stuff getting dumped on you all in a short amount of time. Take as much time as you need to decompress and get yourself sorted out. We're here to listen when you want to vent.

I'm just glad you didn't go through with it. >.<

If I've learned anything from this past yeah, these are the best people in the world to talk to. Hate to put more pressure on him, but consider talking to Whisper. Besides Ashy, Whisper has been the most supportive friend I have, working things out with me, and giving me a reinforced vigor.

We would be CRUSHED if you left us. You're one of our VERY BEST. And I'd miss you.

dont worry buddy. i've been there too once. but trust me, it get's better. if you ever need anyone to talk to. we're here. all of us

I am really sorry about your situation, and while it may not seem like it, I completely understand how you feel. I want to wish you the best of luck, and on behalf of many of us, I want to say how much of an honored member of this community you are. You mean a lot to us PenKen and it weighs on all of our hearts to hear about your misfortune. We are all here for you :)

If ya wanna chat Pen we got your back

The heck? This is the second artist on here in a short period of time to have a commissioner forcefully refund their payment.

We all love ya Pen! *hugs and kisses*

Yeah, the guys are right.
Penken, as a member of hpnohub, i wish i could support you more than with this words.
Even if it is only a little, i can only hope they reach you and help you go through whatever you are going through right now.
We are your friends, even though we might know each other.
Most of the people of the hub enjoy what you are doing and would go a long way to kee you from anything. At least I would.
If you wanna chat it out, if anyone wants to chat it out, i am on the tranceland room of the irc of the hub.
The hub feels like a family to me, and i sure as hell will try my best not to lose any of it.
So be assured i am with you.
I sent you a DM with my skype if you want to talk about it and figure some things out.
Stay strong!

I know how you feel. I once attempted it as well. If worst comes to worst, declare bankruptcy, and start from scratch. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always available at this time of night.

Oh boy, I'm stupid as fuck and can't really help out the situation beyond a meager "dat's bad, good luck with life". So... if you ever wanna play video games, I'm here dawg.

Still on the wrong side of the hill myself, good luck man.

PenKen, you must not give up, the guys here on the hub have your back.

I very recently had to take someone to the hospital for this same thing. I was surprised to find that they have ways of covering the cost even with no health insurance. I can't say with any authority that that's the best option for you, but an attempt is serious, so don't feel like it's too dramatic to seek professional help.

I hope you get to feeling better, Penken. I don't know what it is about entertainers but they tend to be rather prone to depression. Just try to keep in mind, a lot of people appreciate you and what you do. There will always be people who try to hurt you, or make you feel bad, but you have to focus on the positive impact you have on a lot of people's lives. If you didn't make a positive impact, you wouldn't have so many fans.