I don't know what I'm going to do.

I've tried drawing my own references from my fellow classmates in the program I'm in.

I'm scared to draw anything to upload in fear of it being shot down.

But if I leave it alone i will most likely never hear from it again. It will just just collect dust in my sketchpads for eternity. Never to be even TOUCHED again.

My drawing "teacher" on skype teaches me too slowly. And I'm afraid to say anything about it to him.

I've tried contacting sleepymaid for help. She hasn't responded back.

I don't know if I can take this anymore.

And yet I'm still determined to come back and try again because I love you guys and I'm convinced that somehow you all care.

Well... Alot of months ago I've started believing that you don't.

And that belief has gotten stronger.

The worst part is I get to this when it's almost time for tomorrow.

Meaning I'll have to waste another day at some stupid self-care learning program.

I keep being determined to continue with being here, doing these things for you.

Because I love trying to do it for you. And... no matter what, I'll love you even though you all probably hate me.

The truth is... I've secretly grown sour to the world around me, and most of the time I hide it from everyone.
I've grown to hate the modern-life living people around me.

Being here, doing what I love doing, which is drawing, doesn't seem any better but I love doing it.

But now... I don't know why I love it anymore.

No matter how much I practice drawing, I always make the same lines, the same curves, do the same stuff.

And I get even more hate from what I share with you if I feel it's worth sharing.

I'm tired of it.

I can't get better.

I can't deal with the hate.

I just want to give up.

But my desire to share my ideas won't let me give up.

I've come up with so much in my head, but I know I'll never be able to bring it to reality.

And somehow that keeps driving me to continue.

Even though I want to give up.

I ask you now. What do I do?

stop. just stop. dont even give that idea the pleasure of being thought. so DONT.

I don't mean to sound mean but... maybe you're just not meant to be an artist? If you think you're not skilled enough, even when you try your hardest to learn, then just... maybe it's not your thing? Maybe you just need to try something else to learn to be good at, that you'll be more compatible with. Not everyone can be a good artist, just like not everyone can be a good writer, or a good musician. Your creative skills may be better placed into a different field.

What idea?

"Threads with a particularly high chance of causing drama due to their extremely sensitive topics are not to be posted."
hypnohub.net/forum/show/40706

It would probably be best if I were to not say anything, but I'm just so tired of this delusional mindset where you won't stop projecting how this community acts so harsh and "hateful" toward you. People here, especially me, have encouraged you constantly in the past as for tips on how to improve. You didn't listen to any of us, so when some of us all called you out you on that, you apologized like there was no tomorrow and seemingly decided to give it a break.

Yet recently, you made a forum post that got swiftly deleted for complaining about the Hub's QCC and how "poor anatomy" was a bad excuse. And now, you're telling us how you're impatient with your drawing "teacher's" lessons yet won't say anything, you somehow can't recognize the drawing habits you're trying to break out of, and that we, as the community, give you hate for the stuff you share.

Going beyond all the either worrying or troublesome behavior I've given you shit for, the thing that ticks me off to no end is how you keep coming back here looking for positive support. I'm not one to discourage; I've been trying to give people here feedback, and for the most part I'm all for improvement. But Wave, in your case, you don't tend to listen, you don't seem to have the patience for this kinda hobby, and you really, really aren't learning from your past mistakes.

Perhaps this isn't the site for you to post artwork, given how QCC + the community's standards get in the way. I really don't know if that's what's best, but I will tell you that if you really try to follow up on our feedback for once, well, it's all still there. Just be nice if you can actually follow through for once on your own, and not look to us to keep on encouraging you like you just did now... .___.

As far as better advice I couldn't give you myself, Geekgirl8 said this 3 months back:
"My advice would be first and foremost not to give up, but don't try to rush yourself. Getting better takes patience. You're going to be frustrated with yourself quite a lot (I know I definitely was), but I promise you if you keep at it, there will come a day when you'll look at somethiing you've drawn and go "Wow....I really drew this.""
hypnohub.net/forum/show/38260