Hey! So, while in the middle of a writer's block for A Couple of Nohrian Cows, I suddenly got a surge of inspiration to write that much shorter story that I mentioned a few days ago on this forum. I quite like it, though I can't be sure if I'll continue to still like it long enough to still want to commission art for it once I finish ACoNC. However, people showed interest in it, so I thought I'd post the rough draft here for your enjoyment and critique.

The story is set in the world of MLP:FiM and the subject is Rarity, who, after being the guinea pig in one of Twilight's experiments on the Elements of Harmony, has become very powerful, but is taking her element... a bit too far.

Please forgive any failures to perfectly depict her personality; I haven't actually watched the show directly, I've only watched reviews of the first four seasons since I was a fan of the youtuber who did those reviews at the time. I really only chose the show because Rarity seemed perfect for the role of this fantasy.

Also, if I commission this, I'm looking for suggestions for who to ask to take the job. I think I'd like to explore my options this time, maybe find somebody with more experience drawing MLP characters. If anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Oh, also, please forgive the POV character's name. I know it's terrible, but I just can't wrap my head around how MLP names work and I just wanted a name that conveyed "strong, able-bodied farmhand". If anybody has a better suggestion, I'm all ears, but to minimize the damage I only used it once.

Anyway, on with the story!



(Image 1: It’s late at night. POV shot. Rarity is standing on a large platform in the middle of a circle of houses in town, similar to a hangman’s scaffold but with nothing on it but a large wooden post and a soft, padded floor. Rarity is facing the viewer, smiling. She’s wearing a tight, black, strapless dress that hugs tightly to her body and ends a third of the way down her thighs. The bumps of her erect nipples can be clearly seen.)



“Oh! Goodness! I didn’t see you there! …Hang on… aren’t you…? …Yes! You’re that new farmhand Applejack hired to help her! Millstone, wasn’t it? You’re up awfully late, aren’t you, Darling? I mean considering how early Applejack must expect you to be at the farm by… …Couldn’t sleep? Saw me outside and got curious? …Of course. Naturally you must be wondering what this platform is. I made it, you see. With magic. But I didn’t just use magic to build it… why don’t you come over here and see what I mean? Go on, up you go, that’s it… see? See how nice and cool it is? You can’t even tell how hot and humid the night’s supposed to be when you’re up here. But that’s not all. It’s also magically soundproofed, and everything that goes onto this platform, except for myself, is invisible to the outside world. But that’s not even the best part! I also made it so that time moves more quickly in here! You can be in here for sixty minutes and when you step out you’ll only have missed six!”

“Now I’m sure you’re thinking that that’s impossible, especially since I’m a fashion designer, not a professional mage. Oh, but even with so little practice, suddenly it’s all so easy… you see, Twilight asked me to volunteer for one of her little experiments. She was absolutely convinced there were more powers hidden in the Elements of Harmony than we thought… and she was right. I got a full blast from my own element, and suddenly… suddenly I’m simply full of this… power! Suddenly magic just comes naturally to me! And now I can do all sorts of things that even Twilight… why, she suspects even Princess Celestia can’t do! I can bend time and space, walk through walls, enchant…”

“…Oh. Ohohoho. That wasn’t what you were thinking about at all, was it? You weren’t even listening to me, were you? No… you were too busy thinking about how obvious it is that I’m not wearing a bra.”

“Mmm, yes, this dress is a tad tight, isn’t it? The way it clings everywhere… the way it hugs even the bottoms of my breasts… the way you can see exactly where my thighs meet my hips… It makes it so easy to imagine what I’m hiding underneath it, doesn’t it? Oh there’s no sense denying it, Darling, I can read your thoughts now. I know all about that little crush you’ve had on me ever since you saw me visiting Applejack. I know how I’ve been haunting your dreams ever since. I know how dearly you would love to walk up to me right now, slide the fingers on those big strong hands of yours under the top of this little number… and tear it away. And I know the rest of your little fantasy too, Darling. How you seize my soft, naked and helpless body and… oh goodness… the things you do to me in that head of yours…”



(Image 2: A close-up of Rarity from her head to just above her knees. Her horn is glowing deep purple. Her eyes are closed, her expression is somber, her head turned downwards and to the side. Her dress has been split completely down the middle, and what’s left of it is glowing purple and rapidly falling apart into thread and sparkling dust, revealing that she’s wearing nothing underneath it.)



“…Nonononono, Sweetie, please, please don’t go! It’s okay! Don't be scared! I know it’s just a fantasy! I’m not mad, I promise! I know you wouldn’t hurt a fly. You have nothing to be ashamed of. No… no, I’m the one who should be ashamed. I had no idea… until the Element of Generosity filled me with its power and opened my eyes, I had no idea what I had been doing to people like you. You’re far from alone, Darling, oh there are so many men just like you, all over Ponyville… all over Equestria. And I can hear all of them. Every single man who dreams about me… every single man who lusts for me in vain… and it’s all my fault.”

“I have been blessed with a truly beautiful body. There’s no sense being modest or denying it, it’s a fact. Just look at me. Only the divine princesses surpass me in beauty. And what have I done with this truly stunning body of mine? …I have used it to heartlessly mock every man I have ever met. Without so much as a thought, I drove men mad with hopeless desire through the fruits of my wretched career. SEAMSTRESS. Contemptible profession, how could I have ever been so blind as to devote my life to it? It’s nothing more than the art of the cocktease. Sewing fabrics that serve no other purpose than to conceal true beauty. Locking it away from the people and mocking them with mere glimpses… a hint of thigh here… a dash of cleavage there… just enough to entice… but never enough to satisfy. Needlessly making men want what they can never have, driving them mad with a lust that will never truly be satisfied no matter what they do with their lives. It’s… it’s unforgivable.”

“…And it ends now. From this moment forward, I will never wear clothing again. I wash my hands of it, now and forever. There you go. Drink it all in. Look as much as you please. Stare as hard as you like at the wonderful sight I’ve so long denied you. My slim waist… my soft skin… my round, firm ass… my smooth, tight pussy… and your favorite… my full, luscious, perky breasts. I hope they’re everything you dreamed they would be and more.”

“…But it’s not enough, is it? No… of course it isn’t. Not here. Not like this. No, please don’t feel bad for it, it’s natural that you should want even more. How could you not? Oh, maybe if I had displayed myself in a magazine or on TV, perhaps then you would be content to merely masturbate to all of this… but to bare it right in front of you… to put every part of me that you’ve longed to touch mere feet from your grasp… goodness, it’s a miracle you can contain yourself.”

“Don’t worry. You won’t have to. Not for long.”

“I spoke to Princess Celestia earlier this evening. I poured my heart out to her. I told her all about my failures to uphold the Element of Harmony I was chosen to champion, and my selfish behavior when it came to my body and life. I begged her to help me make amends. At first she acted as if I were mad. But soon… soon she saw the wisdom of my words. And she agreed with me that something had to be done. And so…”



(Image 3: Rarity, all traces of her dress completely gone, is now naked and sliding down the post on the platform, her leg bent, her eyes closed, a sigh of contentment on her face as she clutches the collar now wrapped around her neck that’s attached by a long chain to the post she rests against. Her cutie mark is visible, but it has changed to a collar with a chain spiraling outwards around it.)



“…Yes… mmmmm… oh, I can almost feel it happening… Did you hear that? The clock just struck midnight. It’s a new day. And that faint ringing… that’s the sound of Princess Celestia’s new law passing. That’s the sound of Carousel Boutique closing down for good. It’s not mine anymore. Princess Celestia has seized it. She’s going to turn the building into an orphanage. Poor souls, they need it far more than I do. First thing in the morning, workers will be there to strip the place bare of anything of value. Taking everything away. My clothes… my money… my furniture… my TV… my music collection… my every possession… I don’t need any of those things. They’d simply distract from my new role in life.”

“Because Princess Celestia has just… relieved me of my personhood. As of a minute ago, I am Equestria’s first and only pleasure slave. I will spend the rest of my days as public property, giving sweet, blissful release to all who lust for me. Mmmmm… oh, you have no idea how good this feels… all of that guilt and shame… it all just washed away with my freedom. I feel so clean. So pure. This… this is what I was always meant to be, I just know it. See? My cutie mark even changed to match my new lot in life. From sunrise to sunset, I will be here, collared and chained to this post, surrendering my body to all who come by. And by night… by night I will be taken home by a lucky person, chosen at random from everyone who’s been on this platform that day… which… I suppose… tonight… means you.”


(Image 4: Rarity is now standing again, smiling seductively, her hands sweeping her long hair off of her shoulders and behind her back as her chain, now removed from the post, flies magically in front of the viewer as if tempting them to take it. Her eyes are glowing a deep purple.)


“Very well then, Master. Go ahead. Seize my chains and claim me as your own. I’m ready for you, Master. Ready to bring your every perverse fantasy to life. Where will you be taking me? Shall we do it here? …Out in the open in a field somewhere, perhaps…? Or would you rather simply take me home with you? Do you live with anyone? Don’t worry, if you do, I promise they’ll under… hm? ‘Rarity’? Oh Master, I don’t have a name anymore! What would I need a name for? It’s so much easier to just call me ‘slave’, isn’t it? It’s much faster, and I’m the only one in Equestria, so it’s not like there’s anyone to confuse me with… what? What’s… wrong with me? There’s nothing wrong with me, Master. I feel fine! Amazing! Better than I’ve ever felt in my life! …What? That experiment… No it didn’t, Master! It’s made me see clearly for the first time in my life! I finally… oh no. Oh you poor thing. You still… I’m so sorry, Master. Please forgive my impudence, but as your slave, I cannot allow anyone to make you unhappy. Not even you.”

“Shhhhh… don’t worry… you’ll feel so much better after this… you poor thing… here I am, offering up my leash, and yet you’re the one who’s in chains. Everything you want is right in front of you, but you just… can’t… take it. You’re chained up inside your own mind. Locked up by chivalry, manners, empathy, compassion… and guilt.”

“These are all important things… but you needn’t waste them on me, Master. Let them go. Just for a little bit… just with me… let them all go. Let yourself loose upon me. I’m no one. I’m a possession to be owned. An object to be used. A toy to be played with. I live only for the people. I would be nothing if I didn’t submit, nothing if I didn’t obey. And there is nothing wrong with that. This is my place… and it’s your right.”

“Yes… that’s it… off with those farmboy clothes… you don’t need them in here, they’ll only get in the way… mmm… that’s it… yes… take it all in… feel those breasts pressing against your strong, manly chest… feel your hands wrapping around me, slipping down that smooth, silky skin… sliding down… down… down… down… feel the curve as you reach the nice, juicy bottom… feel your huge cock grow hard rubbing against feminine flesh…”

“These things you’re touching… none of them are mine. They’re yours. All of them. Every part of me. Everything I am, everything you want… it’s now yours. All that’s stopping you from enjoying it… is you.”


(Image 5: No longer POV. Rarity faces the camera, Millstone behind her and manhandling her breast with one hand while yanking her chain to tilt her head upwards with the other. His face cannot be seen through the shadow cast by his hair.)


“…Yes… Anh! that’s it… take me. No one can hear you. No one can stop you. Up here, on this platform… there’s no law and order. No right and wrong. No consequences. Just two naked, wild animals, one powerless before the other’s might. Show me that might. Take me. Ravish me! Seize me in those big, strong arms of yours… Ahn… bend me over… Ah! AH! AHHH! Yes! Take my hateful virginity! Turn me into a whore! Fuck me like an animal and spill your seed inside me! AH! OH GOD! YES! THANK YOU! THAAAAAAANK YOOOOOOOOOOOU!”



(Image 6: POV shot again. Rarity is on the ground, kneeling, and has a comforting, nurturing smile on her face. She has just placed her fingers gently upon the metal chain dangling between her breasts and between her legs, about to move it to the side. Her other hand is reaching out towards the viewer’s shoulder as if to pull them towards her. Her body is glowing with a faint purple aura.)



“What? Over so soon, Master? It’s only been an hour! …If you are truly satisfied already, I suppose I’m happy… but it’s only one in the morning… we have hours left before I’m needed back here. We could do so much more…”

“Hm? You need to be at the farm by 5? Such dedication… but I have a feeling that tomorrow’s going to be something of a holiday… but if you need to be well-rested…”

“Here. You don’t need hours of sleep for that, Master. I’ll have you good as new in one. Just rest your head between my soft, pillowy breasts… and sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up. I need to teach the rest of Equestria while it’s sleeping what I already taught you and Princess Celestia. And then… oh, the fun we can have. I know you’ve always wanted to parade me around in chains… maybe if we save it for last, there might even be some people awake for you to show me off to. But that can wait. That’s right… shhhh… sleep, my Master.”

“Sweet dreams.“



(Image 7: It’s morning. Rarity is viewed from above. She is once again chained to the post, and is reclining on her back, her eyes closed, a contented smile on her face as if she’s sunbathing on the beach. She is covered in semen.)



“Ah! Oh god! Thank you sirs! This humble slut is honored to have relieved you… please… come back again whenever you need me. While this humble slut does not presume to make demands, Princess Celestia would ask that you dress quickly. This place may bend time, but there’s still something of a line…”

“...Welcome. Please forgive the mess, this rather eager group of gentlemen insisted on taking me all at once. I’ll clean myself in a moment. How may this humble slut…?”

“…Applejack!? You… I never knew that you…”

“…I…”

“…Of course. If you desire me, it’s my duty to relieve you, man or not. Please give this humble slut one moment to clean herself-“

“…You… like me better like this?”

“…As you wish.”




Personal thoughts on the rough draft: I think I need to work more on the end, maybe make it more hypnotic even though this isn't orthodox mind control. Also I'm thinking the aftermath of his "liberation" could be different, maybe just showing what he winds up doing with her. The ending I like, but I think it could do to be a bit longer.

Any thoughts?