TLDR: I have been browsing loli/shota stuff on several websites for about 2 years. It is illegal in my country (canada) but I didnt realize until a few months back. I am now scared shitless that the police will be knocking on my door any day now.

Ever since I realized the legality after having a panic attack over how wrong I felt for how much of the content I was looking at, I stopped browsing it and deleted all trace of it on my end . And I do mean all traces of it. Drives were formatted several times and the ones that couldn't be were destroyed. I never want to see this content again and I regret how far my fetish went before I got a hold of it after having lots of anxiety over it. The problem is, I am worried that it is too late.

I browsed a number of sites including this one for content. Some automatically hid those tags while others were not as secretive. I know that https sites arent visible to an isp past the site name in the url. But the history itself is pretty damning if they were to look into it. I dont know if that would be enough evidence on its own especially since I have literally no files on my side.The sites can be argued to be for just legal stuff but it depends what isp logs.

I have never shared this content with anybody and have never posted images or comments related to this kind of content. I had images saved but they are long gone now. I know that people tend to get caught because of using work computers, getting reported by a witness of their stash, or for using p2p sharing since that seems to be directly linkable to a single persons ip address. None of these are things that apply to me, but I keep worrying that my isp would report me. I dont think they report fictional stuff but maybe theres more cases than what can be found in the news. I dont know if they closely check all traffic or not.

I started using a vpn a few months back but I wasnt using one for a long time. The traffic itself was stillargely encrypted but my ip wasnt. My ip logs would show a lot of visits to many boorus and doujinshi sites.

I dont know what I should do. I thought about therapy for the fetish but disclosure laws make that tough since they have to report possible dangers to police. I cant really risk that even if it means not getting help. My life will be over over this really stupid mistake and I feel like its a matter of time before police come find me. Getting put on the registry over this will be the end. Its not like I ever looked at re stuff or even 3d cgi, it was all stylized. I know its still wrong but still.

I keep thinking I should just end myself before it comes to that. My family would be ruined if police came after me for this and I cant deal with the conseqences if and when they come. What am I supposed to even do.

Im sorry for ranting like this but I just want to know how screwed I am. Are cases like these prosecutd often? Is having no evidence on my side enough? I might be overthinking but reading stories about peiple getting busted over just animated stuff is making me really worried. I cant sleep thinking about police coming to get me soon.

You're clearly pretty young yourself and are making a big deal of this.
Assuming you stopped and you haven't had any cops knocking on your door you're probably fine.
If you offed yourself because of this it would be foolish, your mind is making a bigger problem of this than it is (it may be a moral issue, but it probably isn't currently a legal problem for you).
But you should probably see someone about your tendency to freak out like this.

Dude, I'm certain that you've done nothing so heinous that the police are gonna seek you out in specific. And if they hypothetically decided to track you down and prosecute you for browsing cartoon images, as opposed to using their manpower to track down actual dangers to society, then go to the news, because no rational person would consider you as the one in the wrong.

Don't lose sleep over this when you haven't harmed anyone. The fact that you feel so much guilt over looking at fantasy pictures alone does a lot to say you're not the type of person who would actually do something unforgiveable. Delete it if it distresses you, find a therapist you can trust, please get help before you worry yourself to death.

Okay, as nothing you've implied is real life individuals, you're not marketing or distributing it, and you've stopped visiting those and as has been mentioned the cops haven't come after you should be fine. Went to a site with pictures pictures of cartoon characters, even underaged, would probably be lower on the priority list than a number of things like for example visiting sites that have actual underaged individuals in those same positions.

Don't know Canadian law, so you know grain of salt, that said you can probably look into the law for some peace of mind. And regardless it really isn't worth shuffling off the mortal coil. Definitly consult some professionals see what advice you can get and such.

I cant go to the news over this. Theyve reported on cases with purely fictional content before and nobody is very sympathetic. One guy got 60 days in jail and 10 years on the registry for watching a video on his work computer. Theyre not soft about these cases.



I dont know if mid-early 20s is pretty young or not. Feels like the age where people should not be browsing this content, especially in a country where its illegal.
I cant safely talk to a therapist due to mandatory disclosure laws. Theres no way to know if they would report me or not. Its up to them.

Canadian law has real and fictional as being equal. Sentences seem to be less high for fictional but people have been jailed for at least 6 months over just drawings, plus the registry for 10 years which ruins your life.

I have very little in terms of advice, but stuff like this is precisely why the whole hysteria over loli is inane, and should be fought against whenever possible.

Drawings of girls are not girls. Drawn children having sex are not, in fact, children having sex for real.
Anyone arguing against this should probably seek therapy, as they are clearly confusing real life with drawn images. And yes, this includes anyone from the following governments who enforce and advocate for this (according to Wikipedia's page about fictionalized depictions): New Zealand, Australia, Canada, the Philippines, South Africa, South Korea, and the United Kingdom.

That said, I wouldn't necessarily worry about it. I'm pretty confident you're far from the only one in Canada that's fan of loli or shota, and, according to the above Wikipedia page, most cases (involving drawn things, not actual cp) seem to have been either people directly reporting it, or people importing physical stuff.

Edit: Fun fact, loli laws in the US are a pretty damn grey area, according to the above page. It varies state-by-state, but seems to be illegal at a federal level since 2003's PROTECT Act:

"Section 1466A of Title 18, United States Code, makes it illegal for any person to knowingly produce, distribute, receive, or possess with intent to transfer or distribute visual representations, such as drawings, cartoons, or paintings that appear to depict minors engaged in sexually explicit conduct and are deemed obscene."

It's all so f*ckin dumb. Guess any and all media depicting murder should be banned because there's a crime being committed on the damn page, too.

I too do not think you've done anything morally wrong. Therapy might help you not be so stressed out about this, but it's not going to magically cure you of your interests or desires. Don't touch the real stuff with whatever the Internet equivalent of a 10 ft. pole is, and definitely don't hit *any* NSFW sites, you know, at work, and you'll be fine.

As the the legal question, hopefully the authorities are busy frying bigger fish. Staying away from sites that specifically cater to the aesthetic should be sufficient. I wouldn't stress out about seeing the occasional loli/shota on here, Pixiv, Twitter, larger booru's, etc.

Good luck and stay safe!~

I just want therapy. It feels like I am going to eventually get arrested and like I'm counting down until then. Nothing matters if I will get convicted over this sometime soon. I dont know if isps track these sites or if govt agencies keep tabs on visits, but I cant shake the feeling that they know and are backlogged or something. Itll catch up to me soon.

all I can do now is wait and its killing me. I keep thinking about self harm and suicide and Ive already been doing the first one. i cant talk to anyone about this without getting police notified im pretty sure, but I cant deal with this on my own. Theres no getting around the minimum sentencing for this and I cant know when theyll come to get me. I cant wait around until then becuse its too much stress. My web history is long and frequent enough that theyll defenitely put together what I was searching for, namely because of a few sites that have the stuff right on their front page for all to see. Its always there even as comics get added.

I cant do this and I have nowhere to turn. This countrys laws are awful if you want to get help. Theres nobody to talk to.

The key word there is "dangers". The law in question is one about moral standards rather than one to protect people from some sort of damage, so there's no reason a therapist would get law enforcement involved. Or, if you're feeling cynical, think of it this way: if a therapist gained a reputation for sending his clients to jail, that would be horrible for business; you'll be hard pressed to find a therapist willing to risk their own livelihood for anything short of stopping a murder.

More to the point, I think you'll find that a therapist would see your apparent spike in stress as a more urgent issue than the fact that you, like most people, have a fetish that is considered taboo in the culture you come from.

But not everyone views fictional content as harmless. The therapist might think its the tip of the iceberg and report me just to be safe. Its not like people that get convicted are usually honest about l of their actions and history, so why would they assume Im telling them everything? Their reputation probably wouldnt suffer if the client is labelled a sex offender, theres no sympathy for that.

Its too big of a risk with current laws and minimum sentences. If my therapist chooses to be cautious and report me, that will be the end.

I don't know how to say this any more emphatically:

They are not coming for you. Now, next week, next month, Not Ever

The far more pressing concern is how much this is eating you up inside. Please go for a walk, watch some TV, call somebody, anything to take your mind off this fear that browsing questionable content on the Internet has manifested a Sword of Damocles over your head. It's not healthy, and more to the point, not true.

Best thing to do is get away from your concerns for a while, and let the anxiety dissipate. Nothing will be helped by continuing to actively panic. May seem like all is lost, but that's only a fiction your mind has created, no matter how real it feels.

Yeah dude you're way to paranoid about this whole situation. The police don't actively hunt these kinda crimes out to the extent you think. They'd only give a shit if you were reported by someone. If everyone you know in person have no clue then you're not gonna be reported. Your service provider isn't gonna give a shit because they probably have thousands of other customers who have and still do look at loli and they're not gonna wipe out a large amount of paying customers over something so petty. Just relax, you're gonna be perfectly fine.

Oh, and if you really can't stop obsessing over this, look up advice on dealing with compulsive ideation and similar afflictions.

And if you really really can't stop, and the final solution is looking more and more promising, seriously, go see a therapist. Make up a reason like, I don't know, you got it on with a drunk person in college and you're fearful they are just sitting there, biding their time for the perfect moment to #MeToo you. A therapist can offer advice and support even without knowing your exact circumstances.

So please, Keep Calm & Carry On ????

If the cops haven't come knocking down your door yet, and you've stopped doing the illegal thing... they probably won't come knocking at all.