I'm working on a story and I recently finished the first chapter (or at least the first draft), and I'm a bit confused on what tense would sound the best to read. It is currently in present tense and future tense, such as using words like "is", "doing", "would", and "will" to describe character actions, but I wonder if that makes the story sound clunky. At times, especially with the current chapter, I find myself trending towards past tense (using ed at the end of words) and I'm struggling to figure out which one is appropriate. While there is a character recounting past events in the chapter, my main confusion is on events currently happening in the story and I'm a bit afraid that using past tense will make the whole story sound like something that has already happened long in the past.

Here is my story's first chapter, but I should warn you, I haven't gotten to any smut or mind control elements yet: docs.google.com/document/...eqNsmEwM/edit?usp=sharing

I have experience editing fiction. I only read the first few paragraphs. The tense was fine. It seems to match your narrative POV.
Grammar though? Well...

It's titled "First Draft". It does need polishing, but it's not meant to be finished yet.


Reading through what you have so far, I didn't notice the tenses seeming off. However, I struggle with tenses in my own writing, so I may simply have a blind spot there.

If you want someone to do amateur proofreading once your story's further along, I'd be willing.

1. If instinct says to use "would" when you're just starting out, always treat it with suspicion.
2. Present tense is fine.
3. Worry more about learning to punctuate dialogue. You don't seem to have any style that you follow instinctually for this, and that's a skill you should build because when the author does it inconsistently, it's very hard for the reader to look past. There are some good articles I've referenced on Google for that sort of thing; check one out and focus on sticking to what it says.
4. It's actually pretty competent storytelling, which people are more concerned with than the particulars of grammar and prose, so keep it up!

While I did intend for this to be a first draft, I admit that I didn't really notice the grammatical errors XD.



I'll be sure to post here whenever I've made progress



Thanks for the advice!

Really, thank you all for you input!