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- ? persona (series) 1767
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- ? ann takamaki 212
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- ? manipman (manipper) 1
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- ? bare legs 3842
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Meta
- ? caption 8958
- ? manip 16722
- ? text 84137
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>> #410207
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>> #410209
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One thing I would mention is how the mind control is implied only very mildly to be there. We Expect it, of course, this being a mind control focused site. Anywhere else, all we would see is a jarring transition from a disinterested party suddenly drooling over someone's feet, and if you try to immerse yourself in the story, the same happens.
If there was some dialogue or internal monologue from Ann, even just a few words that confirmed or more directly hinted at what she did to Joker's mind prior to/during this, it would flow a lot better, allow us to put ourselves into either party's place more.
The exact amount of that confirmation should be to your taste, but some would be a definite plus.
>> #410223
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Hm. For a first try, this is entirely fine!
One thing I would mention is how the mind control is implied only very mildly to be there. We Expect it, of course, this being a mind control focused site. Anywhere else, all we would see is a jarring transition from a disinterested party suddenly drooling over someone's feet, and if you try to immerse yourself in the story, the same happens.
If there was some dialogue or internal monologue from Ann, even just a few words that confirmed or more directly hinted at what she did to Joker's mind prior to/during this, it would flow a lot better, allow us to put ourselves into either party's place more.
The exact amount of that confirmation should be to your taste, but some would be a definite plus.
Thanks! I'll make sure to take this into consideration.
>> #410241
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>> #410322
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Source is for external links only. Please tag the artist instead.
my bad.
>> #410350
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>> #410393
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My first manip! Please leave some criticism in the comments so that I can be the best I can be!
Hey buddy. I like the choice for the red boxes however the word colors don’t go together quite smoothly. Not a big deal but choosing more appropriate accents would make the picture more appealing as a whole. Other than that the only other thing is the “It’s so nice to be home” line. It feels kinda weird in this context, we already knew where they were going so you didn’t need to spell it out that time.
Either way you did pretty good for your first time and can’t wait to see what else you make in the future.
Edit: There you go now you have your own tag.