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- Id: 33671
-
Posted: 2016-02-12 01:46:21
by waverun - Size: 6841x5370
- Source: e621.net/post/show/477384...throfied-blue_hair-bra-br
- Rating: Questionable
- Score: 44 (vote up)
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>> #88983
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-Waverun
>> #88998
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>> #89000
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Only real critique is to maybe not say the reader is doing something I don't know about others but it is a little off putting to me...maybe imply that the reader is doing the action through the character's text
Well, it's not supposed to be like an actual action the reader is performing. It's just for people to commit to the usage of their minds and imagine what it's like to go through that, not to actually do the action itself in real life.
It's hypno porn, so I would assume it's just for people to commit their fantasies to through their minds, since they can's do it in real life.
>> #89002
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Well, it's not supposed to be like an actual action the reader is performing. It's just for people to commit to the usage of their minds and imagine what it's like to go through that, not to actually do the action itself in real life.
It's hypno porn, so I would assume it's just for people to commit their fantasies to through their minds, since they can's do it in real life.
Yeah I didn't mean the reader physically do it but saying what the reader is doing like your arms growing heavy and starting to drool just kinda kicks me out of it I'm sorry if I can't get the words from my head to text to explain it properly that's something that happens a lot to me
>> #89003
Score: 0 (vote Up)
A better option would be to either replace the *actions* with dialogue from the protagonist, or turn the entire thing into one long monologue from the girl.
Speaking of which, that image has some weird anatomy. The girl's neck looks broken
>> #89005
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Yeah, gotta agree that putting *actions* like that is awkward as fuck, especially in the second person like that. It looks and reads better if you stick just to dialogue or prose, no roleplaying.
A better option would be to either replace the *actions* with dialogue from the protagonist, or turn the entire thing into one long monologue from the girl.
Speaking of which, that image has some weird anatomy. The girl's neck looks broken
Yeah, the original artist drew it that way. I just edited the manip into it.
>> #89019
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>> #89035
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>> #89048
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>> #89096
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