I want to give up.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
I've tried drawing my own references from my fellow classmates in the program I'm in.
I'm scared to draw anything to upload in fear of it being shot down.
But if I leave it alone i will most likely never hear from it again. It will just just collect dust in my sketchpads for eternity. Never to be even TOUCHED again.
My drawing "teacher" on skype teaches me too slowly. And I'm afraid to say anything about it to him.
I've tried contacting sleepymaid for help. She hasn't responded back.
I don't know if I can take this anymore.
And yet I'm still determined to come back and try again because I love you guys and I'm convinced that somehow you all care.
Well... Alot of months ago I've started believing that you don't.
And that belief has gotten stronger.
The worst part is I get to this when it's almost time for tomorrow.
Meaning I'll have to waste another day at some stupid self-care learning program.
I keep being determined to continue with being here, doing these things for you.
Because I love trying to do it for you. And... no matter what, I'll love you even though you all probably hate me.
The truth is... I've secretly grown sour to the world around me, and most of the time I hide it from everyone.
I've grown to hate the modern-life living people around me.
Being here, doing what I love doing, which is drawing, doesn't seem any better but I love doing it.
But now... I don't know why I love it anymore.
No matter how much I practice drawing, I always make the same lines, the same curves, do the same stuff.
And I get even more hate from what I share with you if I feel it's worth sharing.
I'm tired of it.
I can't get better.
I can't deal with the hate.
I just want to give up.
But my desire to share my ideas won't let me give up.
I've come up with so much in my head, but I know I'll never be able to bring it to reality.
And somehow that keeps driving me to continue.
Even though I want to give up.
I ask you now. What do I do?
I've tried drawing my own references from my fellow classmates in the program I'm in.
I'm scared to draw anything to upload in fear of it being shot down.
But if I leave it alone i will most likely never hear from it again. It will just just collect dust in my sketchpads for eternity. Never to be even TOUCHED again.
My drawing "teacher" on skype teaches me too slowly. And I'm afraid to say anything about it to him.
I've tried contacting sleepymaid for help. She hasn't responded back.
I don't know if I can take this anymore.
And yet I'm still determined to come back and try again because I love you guys and I'm convinced that somehow you all care.
Well... Alot of months ago I've started believing that you don't.
And that belief has gotten stronger.
The worst part is I get to this when it's almost time for tomorrow.
Meaning I'll have to waste another day at some stupid self-care learning program.
I keep being determined to continue with being here, doing these things for you.
Because I love trying to do it for you. And... no matter what, I'll love you even though you all probably hate me.
The truth is... I've secretly grown sour to the world around me, and most of the time I hide it from everyone.
I've grown to hate the modern-life living people around me.
Being here, doing what I love doing, which is drawing, doesn't seem any better but I love doing it.
But now... I don't know why I love it anymore.
No matter how much I practice drawing, I always make the same lines, the same curves, do the same stuff.
And I get even more hate from what I share with you if I feel it's worth sharing.
I'm tired of it.
I can't get better.
I can't deal with the hate.
I just want to give up.
But my desire to share my ideas won't let me give up.
I've come up with so much in my head, but I know I'll never be able to bring it to reality.
And somehow that keeps driving me to continue.
Even though I want to give up.
I ask you now. What do I do?