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(Supports wildcard *)Artist
- ? bipp (manipper) 38
- ? choco-chip 6
General
- ? bikini 5102
- ? blonde hair 33788
- ? blue eyes 17555
- ? breasts 105495
- ? clothed exposure 4400
- ? femdom 30487
- ? large breasts 58883
- ? looking at viewer 12849
- ? male pov 2167
- ? micro bikini 1412
- ? orgasm command 921
- ? pov 8731
- ? pov sub 5049
- ? short hair 41524
Meta
- ? caption 8963
- ? caption only 2834
- ? manip 16735
- ? text 84377
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>> #173123
Score: 1 (vote Up)
"...I don't really get many men to talk with. I've never had a boyfriend before, but I've got a feeling about you that makes me...aroused. Hehee. Oh, you're getting all red, how cute. Perhaps you want to get a little taste of what it's like to be with me? ...you're a great kisser, you know that? How about we try again? Mmm~ That's really getting me in the mood..."
>> #173223
Score: 0 (vote Up)
This is pretty dang good, but personally seeing actions denoted with *does thing* puts me off. It reminds me of really low-effort text RPs. You could take out all the instances of it here, make some very minor changes to the text (other than sentence structure that makes my inner editor weep), and still get the point across;
"...I don't really get many men to talk with. I've never had a boyfriend before, but I've got a feeling about you that makes me...aroused. Hehee. Oh, you're getting all red, how cute. Perhaps you want to get a little taste of what it's like to be with me? ...you're a great kisser, you know that? How about we try again? Mmm~ That's really getting me in the mood..."
I do see where you're coming from and yes, I have been called out on this before. But I will try a test to see if removing *insert action here* will be better for all viewers and if not, I'll try altering the text to something more.... Appropriate. Anyway thanks for the comment, and sorry for making you cry internally.