Kinda a spin-off of the Lavender Farms sequence on post #44534
Thought I'd reveal Mei-Ling's face.Wasn't intended as being this related but I forgot to mention to the artist that the cow features are only part of the sequence, so I rolled with it and decided to make it tie in. The spiral eyes are faint but they are there.
Date Feb 24, 2017UserT323Rating ExplicitScore100(vote up)
I think this is actually very well done. I wouldn't expect anything better from a *native* English speaker, let alone someone who has English as a 2nd language.
T323 said: Well, sorry. I tried my best. Can you tell me which parts are the worst?
whThank you.
I feel like I've already been rude enough, and I am an extremely harsh critic. I'll try, though.
For a start, though this is more stylistic than grammar, bracketing actions with asterisks looks unprofessional and creates a negative impression, compared to using more subtle clues, like italicised text. On a related note, naming the offscreen character in a POV piece can be distracting.
On a more grammatical side, there's a definite overuse of ellipses (...) here. Generally speaking they should be used sparingly, mostly only to indicate an incomplete thought or something that continues past what is shown. Next, though this can arguably be grammar or style (depending on how you look at it), your wording is a bit stiff. In formal writing, it's good to use contractions sparingly, but in casual settings, most people compress. That's why contractions exist in the first place - they're essentially verbal and mental shortcuts. Other than that, it's more quantity than severity, though typing "waytress" for waitress was particularly egregious. I can't tell if "woodoo" in place of "voodoo" was intentional or not. There's some other cases of incorrect word choice, like "you're" (you are) in place of "your" (belonging to you), and improper conjugation/verbage ("is" where it should be "are", "I come" where it should say either "I came" or "I've come", etc...) as well. Like I said, it's just the general proliferation of small errors rather than any really major ones on their own.
Date Feb 24, 2017Usercyl4sRating SafeScore31(vote up)
Zombifier said: I don't know what has inspired this recent uptick in Crystal Gems hypno art, but I greatly appreciate it and humbly request for it to continue.
blooper said: The story for the game is that the blonde one was using a music box that controls people played over the PA system every morning to control the school and make everyone act like she wanted, which included turning everyone against the main character, who's the only guy in the school that was all girls up until now. He accidentally avoids the control one day, finds out what's going on, and takes the music box from her. Then he takes over the whole school in one fell swoop and starts having sex. That's about it. Despite him controlling the whole school, a good 80% of the scenes only involve the main four heroines, and most of the girls' scenes always follow the same patterns. The four have different patterns, but they work out to the same thing in the end, so I don't remember the specifics. But it was certainly less interesting than Lune's previous two games, which is unfortunate, since I quite liked those two.
But yes, the game is about using hypnosis for sex. This scene is one of the very few times you get to see the mass hypnosis in effect, which is a real shame. If he's taken over the entire school and can issue orders via the PA system with wild abandon, you'd think they would take advantage of that for more interesting scenes than just him having sex with the same four girls ad infinitum.
So it basically rap? (draws katana) Hope he's not too attached to his ball
ghost13 said: Why was Blondie such a bitch to the main guy though? Did he do something to offend or is she just a man hater?
Also, wasted or not, at least the anime seems to be taking advantage of it.
As far as I remember, since the school was traditionally a rich, all-girls school and her family was important to it. She was essentially acting as the principal/head of the school temporarily or something. She does hate men, and had some sort of plan with her hypnosis; but since she has the music box taken from her after all of three minutes and has no chance of ever getting it back since there are no bad ends, I don't remember what her plan was since it was made irrelevant almost instantly.
Also, after taking a look at the anime, it seems like it's going to be sticking with what the game did. He mostly just uses the hypnosis to have sex with these same four girls, with the other girls occasionally watching. So he basically just uses the mass hypnosis to make everyone watching okay with what he's doing. There was some stuff like changing the school uniform, but it was really underutilized as far as CG and actual scenes goes. Hopefully the anime will do a better job of showing things like that than the game did. My hopes aren't high after the first episode though. This scene here was actually supposed to be the whole class playing with their chests as a morning health check, not just them standing there at attention.
Date Feb 24, 2017UserKaasGirlsRating QuestionableScore12(vote up)
Transcript: Hehe... All I have to do is guilt him and he'll be putty in my hands...
"W-what's that...? You don't want me...? I'm sorry... I just... I just thought a man like you would like a plump ass like mine, one that probably distracts you just by gazing at it... I just thought that you'd jump right at it, lovingly caressing my soft cheeks, enthralled by the soothing texture... I just thought you'd want some of my delicious juices slowly dripping down from my sopping wet pussy, drinking and drinking for as long as you pleased... I just thought you'd want to thrust into my cute little asshole, your mind going deeper and deeper. A-are you sure you don't want me? To have your mind utterly broken by my massive, soft cheeks? I think you do. Seeing your cloudy eyes, mindless stare, and the drool dripping down your chin tells me all I need to know. You want to be mine. As I mesmerically sway my irresistible rear, the jiggling flesh sapping away all your free will, you find that you couldn't possibly live a life without me. My luscious ass beckons you closer, and in your pleasure-addled state you're helpless to do anything but obey. As your hands touch my flawless ass for the first time, your mind will go far beyond recovery. Good boy,
OverlordMiles said: First manip! I've been here a while and decided to finally make an account and upload something. Feedback is much appreciated, along with suggestions!
This is good. Guilt trip into hypnosis trip. With a one way ticket.
Only things I've got to complain about are you never end the quotations. Hardly a big deal. And personally cutt- ing words like that cuts the flow and it bothers me. Might just be personal preference tho. Also I feel like broken should be in red text not blue.
But I hope you keep it up and make more! :D
Date Feb 24, 2017UserMindwipeRating ExplicitScore36(vote up)
Jabberwocky said: He's gonna cum soon already? What a loser.
Since when are you supposed to hold it in for a blowjob?.w. He isn't sticking it in, cumming soon when you are not the one giving a good time is not a loss of face.
Riley
2018-03-02 03:17:31>> #237280
TheSpoon
2017-02-24 22:54:16>> #158119
Riley
2017-02-24 18:14:27>> #158073
Thought I'd reveal Mei-Ling's face.Wasn't intended as being this related but I forgot to mention to the artist that the cow features are only part of the sequence, so I rolled with it and decided to make it tie in. The spiral eyes are faint but they are there.
StayPuft
2017-11-14 13:16:21>> #211422
jimskog
2017-02-25 23:22:26>> #158391
frank
2017-02-25 02:02:22>> #158151
T323
2017-02-24 21:05:56>> #158095
I feel like I've already been rude enough, and I am an extremely harsh critic. I'll try, though.
Thanks a lot! And do not worry, I'm used to being criticized. I will remember your words.
DanGambino
2017-02-24 20:45:36>> #158092
Well, sorry. I tried my best. Can you tell me which parts are the worst?
whThank you.
I feel like I've already been rude enough, and I am an extremely harsh critic. I'll try, though.
For a start, though this is more stylistic than grammar, bracketing actions with asterisks looks unprofessional and creates a negative impression, compared to using more subtle clues, like italicised text. On a related note, naming the offscreen character in a POV piece can be distracting.
On a more grammatical side, there's a definite overuse of ellipses (...) here. Generally speaking they should be used sparingly, mostly only to indicate an incomplete thought or something that continues past what is shown. Next, though this can arguably be grammar or style (depending on how you look at it), your wording is a bit stiff. In formal writing, it's good to use contractions sparingly, but in casual settings, most people compress. That's why contractions exist in the first place - they're essentially verbal and mental shortcuts. Other than that, it's more quantity than severity, though typing "waytress" for waitress was particularly egregious. I can't tell if "woodoo" in place of "voodoo" was intentional or not. There's some other cases of incorrect word choice, like "you're" (you are) in place of "your" (belonging to you), and improper conjugation/verbage ("is" where it should be "are", "I come" where it should say either "I came" or "I've come", etc...) as well. Like I said, it's just the general proliferation of small errors rather than any really major ones on their own.
UnknownUsername
2017-02-25 01:13:52>> #158139
TheSpoon
2017-02-24 18:45:23>> #158076
HypnoHarley
2017-02-24 15:49:52>> #158060
I don't know what has inspired this recent uptick in Crystal Gems hypno art, but I greatly appreciate it and humbly request for it to continue.
All of the yes!
Zombifier
2017-02-24 13:58:14>> #158056
Master&Lover
2017-12-22 08:01:32>> #221775
The story for the game is that the blonde one was using a music box that controls people played over the PA system every morning to control the school and make everyone act like she wanted, which included turning everyone against the main character, who's the only guy in the school that was all girls up until now. He accidentally avoids the control one day, finds out what's going on, and takes the music box from her. Then he takes over the whole school in one fell swoop and starts having sex. That's about it. Despite him controlling the whole school, a good 80% of the scenes only involve the main four heroines, and most of the girls' scenes always follow the same patterns. The four have different patterns, but they work out to the same thing in the end, so I don't remember the specifics. But it was certainly less interesting than Lune's previous two games, which is unfortunate, since I quite liked those two.
But yes, the game is about using hypnosis for sex. This scene is one of the very few times you get to see the mass hypnosis in effect, which is a real shame. If he's taken over the entire school and can issue orders via the PA system with wild abandon, you'd think they would take advantage of that for more interesting scenes than just him having sex with the same four girls ad infinitum.
So it basically rap? (draws katana) Hope he's not too attached to his ball
ALK
2017-02-26 01:15:18>> #158410
*pops off her top* you can rub them any time ; )
Teehee. ;3
pokemongirl
2017-02-25 21:04:00>> #158354
I'll be your team mate, haha. XD
*pops off her top* you can rub them any time ; )
ALK
2017-02-25 18:44:19>> #158311
Such a good idea sounds so lovely @.@ would love to be a part of that *giggles*
I'll be your team mate, haha. XD
blooper
2017-02-25 14:47:35>> #158284
Why was Blondie such a bitch to the main guy though? Did he do something to offend or is she just a man hater?
Also, wasted or not, at least the anime seems to be taking advantage of it.
As far as I remember, since the school was traditionally a rich, all-girls school and her family was important to it. She was essentially acting as the principal/head of the school temporarily or something. She does hate men, and had some sort of plan with her hypnosis; but since she has the music box taken from her after all of three minutes and has no chance of ever getting it back since there are no bad ends, I don't remember what her plan was since it was made irrelevant almost instantly.
Also, after taking a look at the anime, it seems like it's going to be sticking with what the game did. He mostly just uses the hypnosis to have sex with these same four girls, with the other girls occasionally watching. So he basically just uses the mass hypnosis to make everyone watching okay with what he's doing. There was some stuff like changing the school uniform, but it was really underutilized as far as CG and actual scenes goes. Hopefully the anime will do a better job of showing things like that than the game did. My hopes aren't high after the first episode though. This scene here was actually supposed to be the whole class playing with their chests as a morning health check, not just them standing there at attention.
KaasGirls
2017-02-26 23:02:54>> #158623
is it bad I physically fist pumped into the air when I saw another .hack pic?
Nah, it's normal. :)
Sol420
2017-02-24 23:49:56>> #158130
petkitsune
2017-02-24 15:15:52>> #158059
DrgnmastrAlex
2017-02-24 12:05:50>> #158051
shawnkain01
2019-01-20 08:51:31>> #300026
paddymacker
2017-02-25 11:11:03>> #158263
I'm no into furry but god damn if this isn't cool.
Same but this cool but whats that red guy doing ?
Mr_Face
2017-02-24 10:36:51>> #158048
bluMyst
2017-02-28 09:18:04>> #158882
You can't see a vampire in a mirror but you can /only/ see a ghost in one.
RunningAmok
2017-02-24 08:28:08>> #158041
I like Rhaokja's work. Possession is awesome but his flavor of it is extra great.
_kaliss_
2017-02-24 07:59:18>> #158035
april
2022-02-24 11:05:15>> #459739
Hehe... All I have to do is guilt him and he'll be putty in my hands...
"W-what's that...? You don't want me...? I'm sorry... I just... I just thought a man like you would like a plump ass like mine, one that probably distracts you just by gazing at it... I just thought that you'd jump right at it, lovingly caressing my soft cheeks, enthralled by the soothing texture... I just thought you'd want some of my delicious juices slowly dripping down from my sopping wet pussy, drinking and drinking for as long as you pleased... I just thought you'd want to thrust into my cute little asshole, your mind going deeper and deeper. A-are you sure you don't want me? To have your mind utterly broken by my massive, soft cheeks? I think you do. Seeing your cloudy eyes, mindless stare, and the drool dripping down your chin tells me all I need to know. You want to be mine. As I mesmerically sway my irresistible rear, the jiggling flesh sapping away all your free will, you find that you couldn't possibly live a life without me. My luscious ass beckons you closer, and in your pleasure-addled state you're helpless to do anything but obey. As your hands touch my flawless ass for the first time, your mind will go far beyond recovery. Good boy,
Disappointment420
2019-12-22 04:16:24>> #348848
Inkblot_Rodent
2017-02-27 05:04:50>> #158692
Imasuky
2017-02-24 07:36:11>> #158032
FromBeyond
2017-02-24 07:32:39>> #158031
First manip! I've been here a while and decided to finally make an account and upload something. Feedback is much appreciated, along with suggestions!
This is good.
Guilt trip into hypnosis trip. With a one way ticket.
Only things I've got to complain about are you never end the quotations. Hardly a big deal.
And personally cutt-
ing words like that cuts the flow and it bothers me. Might just be personal preference tho.
Also I feel like broken should be in red text not blue.
But I hope you keep it up and make more! :D
bugmenot
2017-02-25 04:51:04>> #158202
He's gonna cum soon already? What a loser.
Since when are you supposed to hold it in for a blowjob?.w. He isn't sticking it in, cumming soon when you are not the one giving a good time is not a loss of face.
Friye
2017-02-25 02:51:29>> #158169
Jabberwocky
2017-02-24 06:02:43>> #158012