Not to discourage you, but you didn't really write anything original. You took a scene from FSN, and wrote out what was implied but not spoken, and then altered the ending by excluding Shirou and Rin, and adding 4 sentences. This is basically what happens in one of the routes(and is almost exactly how one of the bad endings goes), bar the last 4 sentences.
Not to knock on your coloring scheme for your words, you did a great job on the text. Its just your story is almost exactly how the scene plays out so I wanted you to know that you should be more original in your story next time.
I'm really glad people like this. I already have some good ideas about where I want to go with this.
It's also really challenging too, since I've never drawn a comic before. I will admit, i'm a bit worried because i've struggled in the past with unique posing and a lot of this is me having to practice and hopefully get better at sequential art, background and environments, character poses interacting with each other and doing comic actions, as I go along. I'll continue to do my best on it, I hope. I'm new to a lot of this, so I apologize if it looks off or amateurish. I'm hoping to slowly include more advanced posing and situations based on a lot of the ideas I have for this further down the road.
As for the tone and feel of it, at the moment, I am trying to go for a very simple semblance of a story about a world in which mindless zombie girls are compelled to strip down together, be vapid, adorably aimless in different settings, as they bumble around like exhibitionists who can't think and can barely reason.
Sorta like disconnected bits of mysterious footage all over the place, and sort of like a "Slice of Mindless, Zombie Life", basically. Though I also have some things I want to slip in that might create the possibility of theories about the setting.
Also the other thing is, it'll mostly just focus on this stuff. I don't think it'll answer bigger questions like "Where's all the guys and non-hypnotized males at?" or anything. It'll come off as kind of mysterious, since the world will seem all female, and I doubt the series will ever show or reference why there are no males, either leaving your imagination to not think about them or just let you wonder what happened if you choose to think about it.
Though using the term "zombie", they are all alive, they are just losing all brain power and reason skills except a horny "feels so good to be in underwear" exhibitionist awakening, and occasional hints that it is also triggering some primal sexual tendencies in each other, too.
The comic will eventually sort of rationalize the behavior as their stripping and exhibitionism making them feel turned on, deep inside somewhere, but they won't have the ability to understand why. You will see some panty-zombies develop a brainless, instinctual sexual attraction to each other as their blushy, embarrassed, half-naked, exposed feeling overtakes them. Getting all innocently and mindlessly yuri with each other, without the capacity to understand what this feeling is.
KarmaX said: 2nd page of the new (and first) comic i'm working on.
So the idea here, at least at first, was that I wanted to draw a comic of a situation involving an entire girl's school get hypnotized and start stripping down and all becoming mindless, exhibitionist zombies... (all the girls in the class you will see soon, start becoming hypnotized as well).
But then I started having more ideas and writing them down, and I hope to perhaps keep this up and expand the comic to show this as a contagion epidemic continuing to spread, and then expand it further and further to show the scope broaden and how it begins affecting many other situations, as the comic can then jump to other situations.
And there is a concept I have already for a plot, including a reveal of how THIS started, where the voice over the PA is coming from and who/what it is, and where it's going, too.
2nd page of the new (and first) comic i'm working on.
So the idea here, at least at first, was that I wanted to draw a comic of a situation involving an entire girl's school get hypnotized and start stripping down and all becoming mindless, exhibitionist zombies... (all the girls in the class you will see soon, start becoming hypnotized as well).
But then I started having more ideas and writing them down, and I hope to perhaps keep this up and expand the comic to show this as a contagion epidemic continuing to spread, and then expand it further and further to show the scope broaden and how it begins affecting many other situations, as the comic can then jump to other situations.
And there is a concept I have already for a plot, including a reveal of how THIS started, where the voice over the PA is coming from and who/what it is, and where it's going, too.
Date Jan 19, 2017UserKarmaXRating SafeScore120(vote up)
KarmaX said: So hey, this is a something. Just started work on this.... This is the new first page of my first actual comic here, something i've never quite done before. :)
I have about half a chapter written already, 3 pages sketched, 2 pages finished, more to come.
Hawkeye said: You have to turn on advanced editing in your settings, then you can select "add to pool" on the image page, around where "add to favorites" is.
Thanks. That worked out just fine. :)
Date Jan 19, 2017Usercyl4sRating ExplicitScore32(vote up)
EoD said: Considering how early on that was and how in massive battles where that would have been amazing to use, pretty sure that was retconned out
Exactly when did Aizen actually need that during his battles? By the time he starts fighting again he wanted everyone to throw their best at him to test him and allow him to evolve more
EoD said: Considering how early on that was and how in massive battles where that would have been amazing to use, pretty sure that was retconned out
Retconned? Umm. No. There's nothing indicating that at all. The battle happened, and that's what he *did*. That's an ability of his zanpakuto which he chose not to use for whatever reason. By that logic, they must've "retconned" his bankai as I'm sure THAT'D have been amazing to use too, all the way up to the final battle.
No, you just apparently forgot it. Don't try to write it off when you were here trying to say the manip got it wrong when it didn't.
Dystopia69 said: That's actually not true, as Aizen can use it to hypnotize people. Specifically, he hypnotized three of the four gatekeepers of the Seireitei when he finally laid bare his treason against Soul Society.
Jidanbo and the others had to fight back the three who were mind controlled to fight for Aizen. When they woke up, confused as to why they were fighting.
Aizen just rarely uses his zanpakuto that way.
Considering how early on that was and how in massive battles where that would have been amazing to use, pretty sure that was retconned out
Date Jan 18, 2017UserLOliviaRating QuestionableScore93(vote up)
Transcript: Oh, you look so cute trying so desperately to keep those eyelids open! But it must be sooo tiring to be struggling so hard. After all, giving in would be sooo easy. All you'd have to do is close your eyes and fall asleep.
See, it doesn't sound so bad when you think about it like that! And I can already tell just talking about it is starting to convince you. I bet all of those bothersome thoughts of resistance must be getting very fuzzy right now. It's hard to think when you're sleepy. It's even harder to think when you're horny!
So why don't you just cuddle up to me and let your consciousness drift? Your head against my soft breasts, and my words wrapped around your confused little mind. Doesn't that sound nice?
Of course it does! So hush that wavering willpower of yours. Shut those tired little eyes of yours. Just focus on how distracting my voice is, and how hard it is to think through that hard bulge you have, and that fuzzy, blank mind.
That's right... hush, my sleepy baby. Give in for me, and I'll make your life a dream, but for now...
FromBeyond said: I currently only have like, 3 different words for ass that can be used in a sexual setting. Butt, Ass and Derriere. Any additions to this would be welcome.
Tuchas, keister, and badonkadonk are my personal favorites. Not sure I'd call those sexy though. Rear and behind might work if you give them an adjective like glorious or something. Booty, bum, rump, or tail could do in a pinch.
Whisper said: Well good job! I love your tenryuu pics! Your writing is fine and balanced, very nice to read~ Was it intentional to only use the world ass? Is there a deeper background to this series? I'll send you a DM so stay tuned!
Well I didn't make the images but the link to the artist is there. Wasn't sure how to tag the artist given the Japanese characters.
I currently only have like, 3 different words for ass that can be used in a sexual setting. Butt, Ass and Derriere. Any additions to this would be welcome.
If by background you mean reason behind why the club exists and why they do the hypnosis. Then yes. It shall all be revealed in time. Unless I totally forget the whys.
Carbon_Copy said: Very good! That's all I can say. As an added bonus, the only spelling error I detected was braingasam, which should be "braingasm". Still excellent work as usual
As characters Vi and Andi are still fairly nascent, and I am learning about them as much as anyone else at times, but a few things I do want to ensure with this couple, and these are something I've picked up through the BDSM community as well as a relationship thing; As a Dom, Veronica's first responsibility is to the welfare of her sub, so she will be concerned that something she's done has disrupted that. It comes down to the importance of Dom/sub trust, and you've managed to bring that through in the same way I hoped the parent post would
They are a couple, doing what they do because they love doing it together. And they're kinky, so they're going to have kinky thoughts, and they're human, so they'll get embarrassed some times
Really, you've done my girls justice.
Alright alright, I'll stop worrying so much... XD Just couldn't help it, but yeah again, glad you liked it. I don't have any immediate plans like I did for this one, but I do hopefully look forward to revisiting them in the future someday. :)
As characters Vi and Andi are still fairly nascent, and I am learning about them as much as anyone else at times, but a few things I do want to ensure with this couple, and these are something I've picked up through the BDSM community as well as a relationship thing; As a Dom, Veronica's first responsibility is to the welfare of her sub, so she will be concerned that something she's done has disrupted that. It comes down to the importance of Dom/sub trust, and you've managed to bring that through in the same way I hoped the parent post would
They are a couple, doing what they do because they love doing it together. And they're kinky, so they're going to have kinky thoughts, and they're human, so they'll get embarrassed some times
childlover
2017-01-19 16:47:43>> #151387
doctorpluto
2017-01-21 08:01:38>> #151786
Now a full story!
HypnoHarley
2017-01-20 02:30:02>> #151498
And let's keep it that way :3
Agreed!
doctorpluto
2017-01-19 15:17:28>> #151375
The Stepfordization hype is still alive! \o/
And let's keep it that way :3
Mimikyu
2017-01-19 15:05:12>> #151373
HypnoHarley
2017-01-20 02:29:03>> #151497
First ever post, and first creation hope you enjoy.
I love it!
tryingtolurk
2017-01-19 21:11:02>> #151441
Not to knock on your coloring scheme for your words, you did a great job on the text. Its just your story is almost exactly how the scene plays out so I wanted you to know that you should be more original in your story next time.
bubblegum69
2017-01-19 13:40:00>> #151363
KarmaX
2017-01-19 23:20:14>> #151470
It's also really challenging too, since I've never drawn a comic before. I will admit, i'm a bit worried because i've struggled in the past with unique posing and a lot of this is me having to practice and hopefully get better at sequential art, background and environments, character poses interacting with each other and doing comic actions, as I go along. I'll continue to do my best on it, I hope. I'm new to a lot of this, so I apologize if it looks off or amateurish. I'm hoping to slowly include more advanced posing and situations based on a lot of the ideas I have for this further down the road.
As for the tone and feel of it, at the moment, I am trying to go for a very simple semblance of a story about a world in which mindless zombie girls are compelled to strip down together, be vapid, adorably aimless in different settings, as they bumble around like exhibitionists who can't think and can barely reason.
Sorta like disconnected bits of mysterious footage all over the place, and sort of like a "Slice of Mindless, Zombie Life", basically. Though I also have some things I want to slip in that might create the possibility of theories about the setting.
Also the other thing is, it'll mostly just focus on this stuff. I don't think it'll answer bigger questions like "Where's all the guys and non-hypnotized males at?" or anything. It'll come off as kind of mysterious, since the world will seem all female, and I doubt the series will ever show or reference why there are no males, either leaving your imagination to not think about them or just let you wonder what happened if you choose to think about it.
Though using the term "zombie", they are all alive, they are just losing all brain power and reason skills except a horny "feels so good to be in underwear" exhibitionist awakening, and occasional hints that it is also triggering some primal sexual tendencies in each other, too.
The comic will eventually sort of rationalize the behavior as their stripping and exhibitionism making them feel turned on, deep inside somewhere, but they won't have the ability to understand why. You will see some panty-zombies develop a brainless, instinctual sexual attraction to each other as their blushy, embarrassed, half-naked, exposed feeling overtakes them. Getting all innocently and mindlessly yuri with each other, without the capacity to understand what this feeling is.
Here's hoping this comic goes well I guess. ^_^;;
Fire_Psycho
2017-01-19 22:44:20>> #151458
pokemongirl
2017-01-19 21:49:14>> #151450
2nd page of the new (and first) comic i'm working on.
So the idea here, at least at first, was that I wanted to draw a comic of a situation involving an entire girl's school get hypnotized and start stripping down and all becoming mindless, exhibitionist zombies... (all the girls in the class you will see soon, start becoming hypnotized as well).
But then I started having more ideas and writing them down, and I hope to perhaps keep this up and expand the comic to show this as a contagion epidemic continuing to spread, and then expand it further and further to show the scope broaden and how it begins affecting many other situations, as the comic can then jump to other situations.
And there is a concept I have already for a plot, including a reveal of how THIS started, where the voice over the PA is coming from and who/what it is, and where it's going, too.
This sounds amazing KarmaX Mmmmm~
KarmaX
2017-01-19 13:38:13>> #151362
So the idea here, at least at first, was that I wanted to draw a comic of a situation involving an entire girl's school get hypnotized and start stripping down and all becoming mindless, exhibitionist zombies... (all the girls in the class you will see soon, start becoming hypnotized as well).
But then I started having more ideas and writing them down, and I hope to perhaps keep this up and expand the comic to show this as a contagion epidemic continuing to spread, and then expand it further and further to show the scope broaden and how it begins affecting many other situations, as the comic can then jump to other situations.
And there is a concept I have already for a plot, including a reveal of how THIS started, where the voice over the PA is coming from and who/what it is, and where it's going, too.
EdenSnake
2018-06-12 23:37:54>> #264994
pokemongirl
2017-01-19 21:48:46>> #151449
So hey, this is a something. Just started work on this.... This is the new first page of my first actual comic here, something i've never quite done before. :)
I have about half a chapter written already, 3 pages sketched, 2 pages finished, more to come.
This is amazing can't wait for more @.@
Jabberwocky
2017-01-19 18:47:47>> #151406
Dystopia69
2017-01-19 15:11:44>> #151374
KarmaX
2017-01-19 14:03:42>> #151368
You have to turn on advanced editing in your settings, then you can select "add to pool" on the image page, around where "add to favorites" is.
Thanks. That worked out just fine. :)
tipoima
2017-12-26 12:58:20>> #222840
KiraKaa
2017-01-31 05:07:31>> #153587
Mega27
2017-01-20 21:16:05>> #151664
pokemongirl
2017-01-19 21:45:11>> #151448
DisasterDan
2017-01-19 13:43:37>> #151364
Was the last frames of this gig an End of Eva reference?
Yo the MP evas are so cool
Legotroop830
2017-08-30 10:35:46>> #196313
Okay the catplay in this pic is just fabulous
God thank you Jesus one person can look at this pic and go hey that's pretty good instead of bickering about canon in a show
doctorpluto
2017-01-19 14:21:16>> #151371
Slixer
2017-01-19 12:13:58>> #151354
Considering how early on that was and how in massive battles where that would have been amazing to use, pretty sure that was retconned out
Exactly when did Aizen actually need that during his battles? By the time he starts fighting again he wanted everyone to throw their best at him to test him and allow him to evolve more
Dystopia69
2017-01-19 11:17:02>> #151351
Considering how early on that was and how in massive battles where that would have been amazing to use, pretty sure that was retconned out
Retconned? Umm. No. There's nothing indicating that at all. The battle happened, and that's what he *did*. That's an ability of his zanpakuto which he chose not to use for whatever reason. By that logic, they must've "retconned" his bankai as I'm sure THAT'D have been amazing to use too, all the way up to the final battle.
No, you just apparently forgot it. Don't try to write it off when you were here trying to say the manip got it wrong when it didn't.
EoD
2017-01-19 11:12:35>> #151350
That's actually not true, as Aizen can use it to hypnotize people. Specifically, he hypnotized three of the four gatekeepers of the Seireitei when he finally laid bare his treason against Soul Society.
Jidanbo and the others had to fight back the three who were mind controlled to fight for Aizen. When they woke up, confused as to why they were fighting.
Aizen just rarely uses his zanpakuto that way.
Considering how early on that was and how in massive battles where that would have been amazing to use, pretty sure that was retconned out
april
2022-02-24 10:56:52>> #459737
Oh, you look so cute trying so desperately to keep those eyelids open! But it must be sooo tiring to be struggling so hard. After all, giving in would be sooo easy. All you'd have to do is close your eyes and fall asleep.
See, it doesn't sound so bad when you think about it like that! And I can already tell just talking about it is starting to convince you. I bet all of those bothersome thoughts of resistance must be getting very fuzzy right now. It's hard to think when you're sleepy. It's even harder to think when you're horny!
So why don't you just cuddle up to me and let your consciousness drift? Your head against my soft breasts, and my words wrapped around your confused little mind. Doesn't that sound nice?
Of course it does! So hush that wavering willpower of yours. Shut those tired little eyes of yours. Just focus on how distracting my voice is, and how hard it is to think through that hard bulge you have, and that fuzzy, blank mind.
That's right... hush, my sleepy baby. Give in for me, and I'll make your life a dream, but for now...
Shhhh...
CCCM89
2017-01-19 08:49:29>> #151340
AriothVulpe
2017-01-21 06:36:35>> #151775
We already have one. pov_sub
Well, chalk me up as being completely blind.
ErrantRealityA
2017-01-21 04:22:40>> #151744
We need a 'viewersub' tag.
We already have one. pov_sub
AriothVulpe
2017-01-21 03:34:21>> #151738
Sawbones
2017-01-19 18:55:42>> #151408
I currently only have like, 3 different words for ass that can be used in a sexual setting. Butt, Ass and Derriere.
Any additions to this would be welcome.
Tuchas, keister, and badonkadonk are my personal favorites. Not sure I'd call those sexy though.
Rear and behind might work if you give them an adjective like glorious or something.
Booty, bum, rump, or tail could do in a pinch.
FromBeyond
2017-01-19 17:07:42>> #151392
Well good job!
I love your tenryuu pics!
Your writing is fine and balanced, very nice to read~
Was it intentional to only use the world ass?
Is there a deeper background to this series?
I'll send you a DM so stay tuned!
Well I didn't make the images but the link to the artist is there. Wasn't sure how to tag the artist given the Japanese characters.
I currently only have like, 3 different words for ass that can be used in a sexual setting. Butt, Ass and Derriere.
Any additions to this would be welcome.
If by background you mean reason behind why the club exists and why they do the hypnosis. Then yes. It shall all be revealed in time. Unless I totally forget the whys.
Very good! That's all I can say. As an added bonus, the only spelling error I detected was braingasam, which should be "braingasm". Still excellent work as usual
......I thought it looked weird.
Mezzberry
2017-01-20 06:54:26>> #151551
Oh Mezz ;P
Just because it's over my head doesn't mean it's bad, of course. Many, many things are over my head.
RedCollarBlackCollar
2017-01-20 05:59:49>> #151539
This is the closest I've ever come to fully understanding what's going on in your work ^^
Nice 3rd panel!
Oh Mezz ;P
Thanks. Maybe not the kinda pet she woulda expected, but Veronica as bunny girl seemed too cute to pass up on :3
Mezzberry
2017-01-20 05:51:56>> #151538
Nice 3rd panel!
RedCollarBlackCollar
2017-01-19 21:08:30>> #151439
bapogichi.tumblr.com/post...n-someone-do-a-draw-for-u
As characters Vi and Andi are still fairly nascent, and I am learning about them as much as anyone else at times, but a few things I do want to ensure with this couple, and these are something I've picked up through the BDSM community as well as a relationship thing;
As a Dom, Veronica's first responsibility is to the welfare of her sub, so she will be concerned that something she's done has disrupted that. It comes down to the importance of Dom/sub trust, and you've managed to bring that through in the same way I hoped the parent post would
They are a couple, doing what they do because they love doing it together. And they're kinky, so they're going to have kinky thoughts, and they're human, so they'll get embarrassed some times
Really, you've done my girls justice.
Alright alright, I'll stop worrying so much... XD
Just couldn't help it, but yeah again, glad you liked it.
I don't have any immediate plans like I did for this one, but I do hopefully look forward to revisiting them in the future someday. :)
lasci_me
2017-01-19 20:56:06>> #151438
;P
I still am wondering tho about how they came out. Bit too outta character for em?
bapogichi.tumblr.com/post...n-someone-do-a-draw-for-u
As characters Vi and Andi are still fairly nascent, and I am learning about them as much as anyone else at times, but a few things I do want to ensure with this couple, and these are something I've picked up through the BDSM community as well as a relationship thing;
As a Dom, Veronica's first responsibility is to the welfare of her sub, so she will be concerned that something she's done has disrupted that. It comes down to the importance of Dom/sub trust, and you've managed to bring that through in the same way I hoped the parent post would
They are a couple, doing what they do because they love doing it together. And they're kinky, so they're going to have kinky thoughts, and they're human, so they'll get embarrassed some times
Really, you've done my girls justice.