Posted on 2020-10-17 22:05:10
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In this month's public release of my Hypnosis themed visual novel Penlight, the writing focus was on the Doll storyline that can occur during Sayori's route.

In the scene depicted here, Kyou proposes Sayori let her hair down a bit by allowing him to hypnotize her as practice for the stage show he's planning. Sayori's willing to encourage his positive development so she agrees in principle, but what exactly is he proposing they do? Turning her into a doll? That's a bit much, don't you think, Kyou?

Sayori whittles him down to some arm catalepsy instead and they get to it. Kyou brings out the penlight and takes her into trance with no trouble at all. Once she's under he gets to work, lifting her arm in the air and impressing on her that it's going to stay rigid and completely immovable no matter how hard she tries.

Sure enough, that seems to be the case when she awakens, to her initial surprise. Her reaction as you'd expect is to try to move her frozen arm only to find it completely unresponsive. Not even pushing it with her free hand seems to work. It's an odd feeling for Sayori, and not something she's entirely comfortable with...

I hope you enjoy this little preview~ If you want more you can find the latest public release of Penlight on my Patreon linked in the source :)

Posted on 2020-10-17 22:09:30
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Wait, this is the FIRST Kyou and Sayori on the entire Hub?

I don't know how to feel about that...

Posted on 2020-10-17 23:13:25
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I keep thinking this is from some other anime/game, it's that well-made for the style.

Posted on 2020-10-18 01:16:59
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I'm gonna try giving this another go; I felt it was a little too hand wringing for my taste but hopefully there's a path that's more fun.

Posted on 2020-10-18 01:29:29
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Ohhhhh, this route looks like fun!

Posted on 2020-10-18 04:40:19
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i like this game in concept, but i feel like many people are initially put off by the harsh tone of the game. there's nothing wrong with the harsh tone, but to teach the consequences of the mc's haphazard hypnosis, and reward consent and patience, it's important to first lull the player into a sense of comfort in the world. immerse the player and have the player invested in a more light-hearted story and character relations with a building comfortable atmosphere, for example of being liked and feeling safe from the starting point, and then let it take a more serious turn and tone. get them invested and and hooked, and then give them something to lose and grind the good end for. that light at the end of the tunnel that seemed so close at the beginning of the game.
as it is, the game is pretty fast at throwing you into a box of "the character you play as is unlikeable, disliked and distrusted". it's a lot more impactful to work hard to gain favor or having it from the start, and then losing it because of your own actions, rather than never having it. if you lose something you never had(or essentially walking on eggshells and being afraid of choosing anything), or if all actions with some amount of negative effect, no matter intent or severity, are punished with equal degree of harshness, it becomes easy for the player to mentally distance themselves and not be as susceptible to any of the lessons in the game.

if the character starts more liked and then gradually lose favor because of his actions, actions that become less and less ambiguous in terms of kind or ill intent/effect, it's a lot more impactful.

allow the player to "earn" being the bad guy or the good guy and being punished or rewarded for it accordingly. and have a contrasting "reward" (even if small positive effects in how the mc is treated by side characters, or how the world changes in a positive way) noticeable for the player, opting to instead earn the rewards and praise of doing the right thing. right now, it can be hard to find the motivation to choose any path, as none of them feel satisfying, but i know it's still very early wip.

keep up the good work!

Posted on 2020-10-18 04:49:07
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This doesn't look half bad, dude. I can tell join our a lot of energy into it.