Posted on 2023-02-09 13:51:55
Score: 0 (vote Up)

wow, that kind of blew up, and here was thinking it would lose momentum due to the whole "pending moderator approval" stuff

so anyway here's my second caption now with source(still didn't figure out how to add character tags though), what did you think

and if you think this is lacking context it's because it was intended to be a story set in the mind control university, well at least an alternate version of it with a different cast of characters and some things tweaked here and there, but if you're too lazy to read it here's the context: [spoile so in the universe of mind control university students are paired with a roommate of the opposite gender (not gonna get into lgbt details for now) so this is why the story starts with you and your roommate in the bedroom[/spoile i decided to start the story like this because i didn't think the prior context would be worth a prequel

fun fact: the protagonist aka human/mortal is called herman, also the succubus aka emily refers to all human beings as "mortals", also if despite the text hitting at hypnotic eyes she was actually hypnotized by his kiss, this was supposed to be a jojo reference of jotaro stealing dio time freezing abilities with the "same type of stand as star platinum" stuff

Posted on 2023-02-09 21:35:37
Score: 3 (vote Up)

reading the thing again i just really the jarring spelling mistakes i made, and now i feel embarrased

Posted on 2023-02-10 04:16:55
Score: 2 (vote Up)

Really nice!! I think that the white text is written a little bit odd but other than that I really like this

Posted on 2023-02-10 16:54:11
Score: 1 (vote Up)

yeah the idea was for the white text to be reserved for actions, but things got a bit messy with coloring so there was stuff that was supposed to be white but it's purple and stuff that was supposed to be yellow that became white

Posted on 2023-11-20 02:53:02
Score: 0 (vote Up)

Transcript:
IN THE BEDROOM
:LOOK FROM NOW ON I'M GONNA SET SOME GROUND RULES SO LISTEN UP YOU BETTER BEHAVE AND BE A GOOD LITTLE SUCCUBUS OR ELSE THINGS MIGHT GET MESSY
OH MORTAL, I DON'T THINK WE'RE IN THE SAME POSITION TO NEGOTIATE SUCCUBUS PUSHES THE HUMAN AND HE FALLS ON TOP OF THE BED SHE PINS HIM THERE
YEAH I THINK THE SAME, YOU SHOULD BE MORE RESPECTFUL AROUND YOUR SUPERIORS
OH DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH DO YOU THINK A PUNY MORTAL LIKE YOU COULD EVEN CONSIDER YOURSELF AS MY EQUAL LET ALONE MY SUPERIOR, NOW AS PUNISHMENT FOR SUCH DISRESPECT I AM GOING TO FEAST ON YOUR MORTAL ESSENCE, NOW PREPARE FOR THE LAST KISS OF YOUR LIFE MORTAL
BEAT IT CHICK
*STARTS KISSING HIM*
THE SUCCUBUS STARTS KISSING THE HUMAN BUT SHE FEELS AS IF SOMETHING WRONG IS HAPPENING SHE THINKS
:WHAT IS HAPPENING, WHY I AM FEELING SO WEAK ALL OF A SUDDEN I CAN BARELY KEEP THE STRENGTH TO PIN HIM IN PLACE, AND FEELING SLEEPY MY ARE GETTING DROOPY WHY ARE HIS EYES JUST SOOO UNRESISTABLE ALL OF A SUDDEN
SHE CONTINUES KISSING HIM UNTIL SHE SUDDENLY STOPS, FEELING LIGHTHEADED AS IF HER MIND IS BEING WIPED SHE ISN'T EVEN ABLE TO SPEAK COHERENTLY AT THIS POINT, COMPLETELY DRUNK BY SOME MYSTERIOUS FORCE SHE TRIES TO SPEAK
WHA... JUS... HAPPEN...
FOOLISH SUCCUBUS WHAT DID I SAY JUST SAY ABOUT DISRESPECTING YOUR SUPERIORS, NOW RELEASE ME
THE SUCCUBUS RECOVERING HER BREATH TRIES ONCE AGAIN TO SPEAK
YES... MASTER... HOW SILLY OF ME TO TRY AND DOMINATE YOU AS IF I WAS YOUR EQUAL WHEN IT'S OBVIOUS I'M YOUR INFERIOR, OH MERCIFUL ONE PLEASE ACCEPT THIS LOWLY DEMON AS YOUR SERVANT AS AN APOLOGY
APOLOGIES ACCEPTED NOW PLEASE, COULD YOU TELL ME YOUR NAME, SLAVE?
OF COURSE MASTER, MY NAME IS EMILY
WELL I GUESS EMILY IS A PRETTY NAME FOR A PRETTY SUCCUBUS
OH MASTER YOU'RE SUCH A FLATTERER