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alex black_hair blonde_hair bottomless breasts caption clover cunnilingus dazed dildo erect_nipples expressionless female_only femdom femsub gfd hypnotized_dom manip multiple_girls nipples nude obscenario_(manipper) oral pussy red_hair sam sex sex_toy strap-on text topless totally_spies yuri

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11 comments (0 hidden)

Obscenario
>> #27834
Posted on 2014-09-07 10:44:39
Score: 2 (vote Up)
My first manip; criticism welcome.
Cradily
>> #27838
Posted on 2014-09-07 12:05:50
Score: 0 (vote Up)
The text is pretty nice once you start reading it =D It's hot reading/watching people slip in and out of trance. The text seems a bit overwhelming at first glance though, and I know many people prefer if the background/text is not just plain black and white.

I don't watch the show, so not saying anything there.
Grim
>> #27842
Posted on 2014-09-07 12:25:06
Score: 0 (vote Up)
when I saw this un-manipped, I definitely got an mc feel from it
I really like the mantras
I feel that the words on the wheel and the colors weren't addressed well enough - since it obviously has their colors and it says slave, not slaves, but maybe that's just me wanting femdom instead of maledom, which is my own problem
over all, a little text heavy, but it does help establish the scene and stays in character, which is nice, but I imagine you could have cut their reasons to be there, Sebastian appearing, and had a single mantra of music be played, and have them begin to act out the compulsions
puppethypnotiser
>> #27854
Posted on 2014-09-07 14:52:34
Score: 0 (vote Up)
I only saw te mistake of "news" instead of new master

duck
>> #27880
Posted on 2014-09-07 21:43:23
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Terrific. Well written and fun.
Obscenario
>> #27890
Posted on 2014-09-07 22:38:22
Score: 0 (vote Up)
So the biggest issues here are too much setup and not enough payoff, and that I didn't address enough of the pic's content? Too much text, too. Thankee, I'll be sure to keep those in mind for next time.
puppethypnotiser
>> #27919
Posted on 2014-09-08 03:17:04
Score: 0 (vote Up)
i really like this though :)
bullet
>> #27973
Posted on 2014-09-08 08:30:14
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Please please please do a follow up with a similar image/setting
Henry-killenger
>> #27992
Posted on 2014-09-08 11:34:20
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Well, having had this tab open for a while and finally getting around to looking at it, I will say I enjoyed it. Really glad Jerry wasn't behind it (I've seen too much of that). That being said, I see some typos. Towards the end it says "The Clover clover moaned her love". Another "Both Alex and Clovered shivered".

As for the "Payoff" itself, yeah, just a tad short. The mantra at the end was a nice touch.

4/5

SO SAYS CTHULHU, LORD OF MADNESS, SORROW, AND CHINTACLES!
Hawkeye
>> #79526
Posted on 2015-12-05 03:01:56
Score: 0 (vote Up)
My issue with it is that it doesn't actually explicitly say Alex was stripped naked like she is in the picture, that would've been nice to have the narration say her fellow former spies undressed her completely.
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