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  • Id: 20233
  • Posted: 2014-10-19 13:46:52
    by hwd171
  • Size: 1650x1227
  • Rating: Explicit
  • Score: 93 (vote up)
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9 comments (0 hidden)

hwd171
>> #32723
Posted on 2014-10-19 13:47:38
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Decided to try something new with my manips. I hope you like it!
DannyG
>> #32728
Posted on 2014-10-19 15:10:38
Score: 0 (vote Up)
And then...
And then...
And then and then and then and then AND THEN...!!!

Sorry. XD
Just got the feeling that the transitions were a bit repetitive, is all.
Grim
>> #32730
Posted on 2014-10-19 15:45:12
Score: 0 (vote Up)
a little simple and matter of fact, but still hot, and I like the choice of images and direction of the story
Baka21
>> #32733
Posted on 2014-10-19 17:18:27
Score: 0 (vote Up)
DannyG said:
And then...
And then...
And then and then and then and then AND THEN...!!!

Sorry. XD
Just got the feeling that the transitions were a bit repetitive, is all.

This, and the fact that it was oddly specific about the time in pharagraph 3.

hwd171
>> #32750
Posted on 2014-10-19 22:19:16
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Baka21 said:
This, and the fact that it was oddly specific about the time in pharagraph 3.




I felt it was needed to keep track of how long the vid was going on for.
greasyi
>> #32751
Posted on 2014-10-19 22:33:36
Score: 0 (vote Up)
I wasn't gonna be the first to say anything because I'm already getting a reputation as a jerk...

I felt like this was almost really really good but was spoiled by being kind of a rushed summary, if that makes any sense? It tries so hard to hit every single point of what specifically happened, like a really detailed story, while not actually taking the time for storytelling, like a manip with limited text space.

Besides the weirdness of really specific timing, "deepest trance ever" is weird with no established history of hypnosis, and the last 2 paragraphs seem really focused on how good she felt and not so much on like... being hypnotized, or feeling good because of the hypnosis. It sounds a lot like she's making decisions on her own without much implication that watching the video had anything to do with it. As a result I think it's kind of missing the mark for this fetish.
TheKinkyFinn
>> #32752
Posted on 2014-10-19 22:52:45
Score: 0 (vote Up)
greasyi said:
Stuff


Pretty much my opinion as well. The text's just too much like a summary, with a little bit of an overemphasis on actions instead of emotion, or lack thereof. And there's a tad too much repetition, and not in the good way.

Plus, the manip part is a little cheap too. Or maybe that's just me.
hwd171
>> #32754
Posted on 2014-10-19 23:04:51
Score: 0 (vote Up)
TheKinkyFinn said:
Pretty much my opinion as well. The text's just too much like a summary, with a little bit of an overemphasis on actions instead of emotion, or lack thereof. And there's a tad too much repetition, and not in the good way.

Plus, the manip part is a little cheap too. Or maybe that's just me.


Here's the more detailed version I made.

hypnohub.net/post/show/20237
hwd171
>> #32755
Posted on 2014-10-19 23:09:39
Score: 0 (vote Up)
greasyi said:
I wasn't gonna be the first to say anything because I'm already getting a reputation as a jerk...

I felt like this was almost really really good but was spoiled by being kind of a rushed summary, if that makes any sense? It tries so hard to hit every single point of what specifically happened, like a really detailed story, while not actually taking the time for storytelling, like a manip with limited text space.

Besides the weirdness of really specific timing, "deepest trance ever" is weird with no established history of hypnosis, and the last 2 paragraphs seem really focused on how good she felt and not so much on like... being hypnotized, or feeling good because of the hypnosis. It sounds a lot like she's making decisions on her own without much implication that watching the video had anything to do with it. As a result I think it's kind of missing the mark for this fetish.


Thanks for the critique.
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