Posted on 2015-03-09 14:38:52
Score: 0 (vote Up)

nice story

Posted on 2015-03-09 15:02:14
Score: 0 (vote Up)

Oh well, since she gave him her word that she won't betray him, there's no helping it, is there?

Posted on 2015-03-09 15:14:23
Score: 1 (vote Up)

That's what you think.

She promised that she would not turn any of his slaves against him. But her sister is no longer his slave now is she?

Rule 1 in negotiating with Devils: Word everything carefully.

One typo: I have decided that I your mind the way it is

Posted on 2015-03-09 15:38:15
Score: 0 (vote Up)

honestly, he probably took that into account, thus the "you won't make it out with your mind" threat. he's expecting it, if anything

Posted on 2015-03-09 16:00:09
Score: 0 (vote Up)

Yeah, I was kidding. XD The story is nice.

Posted on 2015-03-09 16:34:57
Score: 0 (vote Up)

I can't even read it. I get broken image; when I go to a view it in a new tab, I get 404 not found. Laaame!

Posted on 2015-03-09 19:04:06
Score: 0 (vote Up)

Some things you could improve on:

- Picture is pretty old and a box art of Saimin Gakuen (the game is decent though, the animation sucks even though it is right up my alley with the commands they give both in the game and animation) - it's kind of an odd choice, but if you can make it work ...
- White background for the story with a somewhat dark picture (at the image borders) is a no go
- Generic Font - this is not a webpage, usage of decent font is basic stuff to look out for
- Colorcoding of speech, it is good but barely noticable. I would almost always recommend white text with a color outline that fits (e.g. hair color of the victim, something different for the dom if he is not in the picture (not bg color))
- Image not manipulated - it's fine if you can somehow make it fit into the story, but one of the girls is still under the control of the dom and both girls in the center do not have any sign that they are under the control, yet it is clear that the story talks about them
- The story is somewhat strange - she will give up all her classmates for her sister and then control her? Uhm - unless she is mind controled into doing though (which doesn't make sense) it just doesn't make a lot of sense (especially the "Fair enough" answer). She should be either scared OR angry - looking at the picture, scared is what the body language tells us

So overall this isn't that great if you ask me. There's some stuff that is easy to fix, but to make the whole image work as a comprehensive work of art, some major overhaul is needed.

Posted on 2015-03-09 19:16:53
Score: 0 (vote Up)

404 not found...

Posted on 2015-03-09 21:06:55
Score: 0 (vote Up)

@HypnoMangaEditor: that picture was posted in 2013 in g.e-hentai.org/s/d27fe00e73/646953-95 so I doubt it will be updated, or if it is, then there would be a re-manip.

Posted on 2015-03-09 23:35:21
Score: 0 (vote Up)

We had the tools back then to make every change I mentioned. The technology is there - so I am pointing out possible improvements.