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  • Id: 35714
  • Posted: 2016-04-15 21:58:22
    by vahn_yourdoom
  • Size: 1447x2047
  • Rating: Explicit
  • Score: 102 (vote up)
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bottomless drool female_only femsub glowing glowing_eyes happy_trance looking_at_viewer masturbation my_youth_romantic_comedy_is_wrong_as_i_expected open_mouth pussy pussy_juice solo sweat text toilet v vahn_yourdoom yui_yuigahama

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7 comments (0 hidden)

vahn_yourdoom
>> #99223
Posted on 2016-04-15 22:01:57
Score: 0 (vote Up)
nyem nyem :3

this week weekly sketch~!!


--

www.patreon.com/vahn
Pastel-Daemon
>> #99228
Posted on 2016-04-15 22:10:04
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Oh god that sounds torturous. I love it.
CosmicNeko
>> #99230
Posted on 2016-04-15 23:06:16
Score: 0 (vote Up)
This site is lacking Yukino. She's my favorite from this anime, and absolutely adorable :3
EoD
>> #99330
Posted on 2016-04-16 13:04:11
Score: 0 (vote Up)
I just noticed how much your English has improved. The wording can still be a bit stiff and unnatural at times, but for the most part it flows very well. Good on ya!
jimskog
>> #99449
Posted on 2016-04-17 06:51:13
Score: 0 (vote Up)
EoD said:
I just noticed how much your English has improved. The wording can still be a bit stiff and unnatural at times, but for the most part it flows very well. Good on ya!


I don't think the English in this post is a particularly good example of his improvement...

"I've just done what you order me to" is weird, should probably be "ordered me too".

"Masturbate all the time for lunch break" - Masturbate through the whole lunch break sounds better. The "All the time" doesn't really make sense, unless it was "all of the time" and even then it should be "During" lunch break(s).

"Made me to be" could just be "Made me be"

I would probably rewrite the first part along the lines of

"Hi Master!
I've just finished (done works as well) what you ordered me to do.
I masturbated all throughout lunch break and
did so without cumming at all.
I was on the edge at least 7 times because
of how sensitive you made me be"

If the order given was intended to be a permanent "every-day" order the wording would have to be a little different.

Honest;y, I've always thought Vahn's text was pretty well-written and very well thought out, so I don't really see this as an improvement over any recent work.
jimskog
>> #99450
Posted on 2016-04-17 06:53:17
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Great art and story as usual Vahn, your posts are often the highlight of my pornographic journey.

However (constructive criticism here) I don't agree with EoD, I think the text here is much more awkwardly phrased than your previous works.
vahn_yourdoom
>> #99727
Posted on 2016-04-18 20:29:05
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Pastel-Daemon said:
Oh god that sounds torturous. I love it.


it's a way to make the victim craving for the D when the time comes :shrug:


@ jimskog

thanks for the corrections XD
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