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Character
- ? lilith (jl2154) 1
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- ? dimikendal101 1
- ? gorsha pendragon 3
- ? statuelover (manipper) 2
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Statistics
- Id: 43569
-
Posted: 2017-01-03 09:59:07
by StatueLover - Size: 1774x1280
- Source: StatueLover
- Rating: Explicit
- Score: 129 (vote up)
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>> #148059
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Character is Lilith, original artists are Dimikendal101,Gorsha Pendragon and Hastogs Deleonar (HasDel).
I came up with a story for this one too, something I plan to continue in future animations.
Sorry if it is kinda slow, first one I rendered AS a gif. rather than rendering an AVI then converting it with an online service...
Reguardless, I hope people like it! ^_^
>> #148071
Score: 0 (vote Up)
"My" in the 7th line of dialogue should have a lowercase m.
With "There, now, [...]" and "Ah, good, still [...]", the commas immediately before and after "now" and "good" also cause the pacing to be unnecessarily slowed. With "There, now, [...]", a better pacing would have been "There. Now, [...]". For "Ah, good, still [...]", removing the first comma would make it far more properly paced. (Commas also denote a pause, just a much shorter one than an ellipsis.
With the paragraph under the "Next Morning" bit, the ellipses in that also throw off the pacing somewhat, though not quite as badly, since one could imagine that he's somewhat out of breath from running around town hypnotizing all of this girl's friends and family and close acquaintances.
All in all though, a very good piece. Only issues are punctuation-based ones involving pacing. Not bad compared to the spelling errors just 2 posts ago (which weren't even really your fault, since you ran it through a spellchecker.)
>> #148073
Score: 0 (vote Up)
>> #148075
Score: 0 (vote Up)
As for the whole bit of the gif being slow, if you hadn't used a film grain effect, that wouldn't have been as much of an issue. The less pixels that have to be altered each frame, the better a gif will run.
The thing is, I didn't put a film grain effect on it. I'm working in an older version of after effects if that might have anything to do with it. Unless it defaults to that when rendering a gif.. I will definitely check for it in future renders though..
Thanks!
>> #148079
Score: 0 (vote Up)
The ellipses (...'s) in the first and third lines of dialogue are unnecessary. The pause indicated by them detracts from the pacing of the story. The issue with an ellipsis is that it denotes a pause of noticeable length before saying the next thing that's written. When the girl in the picture is speaking, it fits more to have the repeated ellipses, because it allows the reader to imagine her saying it in a breathy, lustful way.
With "There, now, [...]" and "Ah, good, still [...]", the commas immediately before and after "now" and "good" also cause the pacing to be unnecessarily slowed. With "There, now, [...]", a better pacing would have been "There. Now, [...]". For "Ah, good, still [...]", removing the first comma would make it far more properly paced. (Commas also denote a pause, just a much shorter one than an ellipsis.
With the paragraph under the "Next Morning" bit, the ellipses in that also throw off the pacing somewhat, though not quite as badly, since one could imagine that he's somewhat out of breath from running around town hypnotizing all of this girl's friends and family and close acquaintances.
All in all though, a very good piece. Only issues are punctuation-based ones involving pacing. Not bad compared to the spelling errors just 2 posts ago (which weren't even really your fault, since you ran it through a spellchecker.)
Thank you for the advice and critique! It’s been rather a while since I’ve done any amount of writing that wasn’t technical or imperial in nature. So I’m more than a little rusty, and greatly appreciate the review.
This was because I wrote the text in MS Word, as to make sure I didn’t miss any spelling errors this time, which automatically capitalizes the first letter in the first word of every line unless you tell it not to. Then copied and pasted it into Photoshop. I thought I had caught all of them, but I guess I missed one. Thanks, though I don’t think I’ll fix it at this point, since it would require editing the text in Photoshop, replacing the text layer in After Effects, then re-rendering the video.
But I will take more care in the future. ^_^
>> #148084
Score: 0 (vote Up)
The thing is, I didn't put a film grain effect on it. I'm working in an older version of after effects if that might have anything to do with it. Unless it defaults to that when rendering a gif.. I will definitely check for it in future renders though..
Thanks!
Well, if it does, make sure to change the setting unless you're planning on doing something with it.
Thank you for the advice and critique! It’s been rather a while since I’ve done any amount of writing that wasn’t technical or imperial in nature. So I’m more than a little rusty, and greatly appreciate the review.
This was because I wrote the text in MS Word, as to make sure I didn’t miss any spelling errors this time, which automatically capitalizes the first letter in the first word of every line unless you tell it not to. Then copied and pasted it into Photoshop. I thought I had caught all of them, but I guess I missed one. Thanks, though I don’t think I’ll fix it at this point, since it would require editing the text in Photoshop, replacing the text layer in After Effects, then re-rendering the video.
But I will take more care in the future. ^_^
You're quite welcome. I used to supply this kind of help a lot on a forum years ago. Sadly, it's been more than 8 years since that forum existed, as the people running it took it down because of running into legal issues involving some of the stuff that was getting posted. If I felt bothered to, I could go and look for the notebook with my old usernames and passwords in it (from before I started using notepad documents sealed in a password protected zip folder) to find the name of the forum, but honestly there's no need to dig that past up.
>> #148086
Score: 0 (vote Up)
On a brighter note: Please feel free to continue to critique and give advice on my work, I really do appreciate it.
(The last time I did anything with animation before these last few, I was using Macromedia Flash, so it's been a while)
>> #148088
Score: 0 (vote Up)
I understand, I've had to deal with a few forum problems in the past as well, I think we all have at some point or another.
On a brighter note: Please feel free to continue to critique and give advice on my work, I really do appreciate it.
(The last time I did anything with animation before these last few, I was using Macromedia Flash, so it's been a while)
Well, just so you know, Flash actually works best when used for making gifs. It's terrible for game-making, but it's amazing at making short animations. And as for continuing the critiques, you can expect them. Any preference on where you want me to "draw the line" though? (Grammar, spelling, pacing, etc?)
>> #148089
Score: 0 (vote Up)
>> #148097
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