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8 comments (0 hidden)

Bipp
>> #201125
Posted on 2017-09-28 05:55:20
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Okay, I've not only posted this but have also posted two other pictures in a pool with this one. I had been looking at those three pictures for weeks and always saw them as seductive young girls with one of them being a controlling little sister or all of them as students that hypnotize the teacher just because. I went with the teacher one because why not.
Grima180
>> #201140
Posted on 2017-09-28 09:01:05
Score: 0 (vote Up)
This is not that bad at all. Not really my tastes, but still good. The following is nitpicking if you so desire.


There's some occasional spelling errors as well as a few capitalization problems. Try typing in a word processor. Also, the point of view shift is rather jarring, going from just dialogue to first person. Anyway, this is just me giving feedback. Take it how you will.
Xudmud
>> #201144
Posted on 2017-09-28 09:42:59
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Kind of an odd jump, from third to second person... Interesting premise all the same though.
Bipp
>> #201164
Posted on 2017-09-28 11:54:36
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Grima180 said:
There's some occasional spelling errors as well as a few capitalization problems. Try typing in a word processor. Also, the point of view shift is rather jarring, going from just dialogue to first person. Anyway, this is just me giving feedback. Take it how you will.


I did put in word doc, it said to Capitalize after the " so I did, and the spelling should be correct, it showed me all the errors and I even checked online to see if the words were correct by how they are pronounced and what their meaning is. Also this was sort of an idea to try first person since I wasn't going to have the character talk at all, so I just made them state what they were saying since the last time I did that people loved it. I'll see what I can do next time for the two pics coming out hopefully tomorrow, if not, three on friday
EDanger
>> #201174
Posted on 2017-09-28 12:52:09
Score: 0 (vote Up)
Woof
CuteFBA
>> #201275
Posted on 2017-09-29 00:00:17
Score: 0 (vote Up)
really nice :3
chocobosage85
>> #201561
Posted on 2017-09-30 06:06:03
Score: 0 (vote Up)
For my part Bipp, I thought it was lovely. And I thoroughly enjoyed the three part build up, even forcing myself to wait before viewing the next. There might have been a mispelling or two, but I don't remember them or they were at least not distracting. Regarding the perspective, as far as I could tell... you were consistently "third-second person" throughout the entirety (i.e. A third-person omniscient talking directly to "you" the viewer), so I'm not sure where the confusion is; it's simply a design/construction choice in my mind. Thought it may be a less commonly selected choice, I don't think there was anything wrong in it. But that's me, ;).

Thanks for not shying away, just because someone beat you to the manipping punch!
Bipp
>> #201598
Posted on 2017-09-30 09:51:02
Score: 0 (vote Up)
chocobosage85 said:
For my part Bipp, I thought it was lovely. And I thoroughly enjoyed the three part build up, even forcing myself to wait before viewing the next. There might have been a mispelling or two, but I don't remember them or they were at least not distracting. Regarding the perspective, as far as I could tell... you were consistently "third-second person" throughout the entirety (i.e. A third-person omniscient talking directly to "you" the viewer), so I'm not sure where the confusion is; it's simply a design/construction choice in my mind. Thought it may be a less commonly selected choice, I don't think there was anything wrong in it. But that's me, ;).

Thanks for not shying away, just because someone beat you to the manipping punch!


Thank you, I really enjoy it when I get complimented (I have an ego :D) but I did ask the previous poster T323 if I could use the same image they posted, but I think I should have put some more time in because I'm getting slack from people that I misspelled which is fine because I usually have that problem and need to fix myself from being mentally inept. But still Thank you
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