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3 comments (0 hidden)

cdyoung
>> #241495
Posted on 2018-03-22 09:04:59
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you just changed the last line. it still sounds like riven's rolling a drunk with sweet talking. but now with a final line that makes no sense in context.
IDPet
>> #241535
Posted on 2018-03-22 18:47:47
Score: 0 (vote Up)
I think that I prefer Riven being also hypnotized to hypnotize clients, to avoid the out of character.
In any case I think that is fine right now.
OverlordMiles
>> #243069
Posted on 2018-03-29 10:06:55
Score: 0 (vote Up)
cdyoung said:
you just changed the last line. it still sounds like riven's rolling a drunk with sweet talking. but now with a final line that makes no sense in context.


Well, naturally he's drunk. But I made it clear that hypnosis is in play now.
I think the line is at least passable. It goes with the tone of the second paragraph.
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